Project Runway Season 7: Episode 3: The Ping and Jessie Show

I was surprised at the outcome of this week's Project Runway because the judges were slamming Ping for the same Drapey McDrapperson dress they praised in the first go-round. The model had that same long extension of fabric flung over her arm and she looked like a little girl playing dress-up. But it was fun to watch Ping and Jessie fight when they had to work as a team. You could tell it was coming when the pixie-ish designer said in one of those "confession" interviews about being a team captain: "I'm very good at giving clear instructions" and then when she was actually called on to lead, she was like the proverbial designer chicken with its couture head cut off. I did like her glasses, BTW. In the end the elimination choice was between kooky Ping and funny Anthony. Funny was safe and kooky bit the arsenic cookie.

Another highlight was seeing the contestants on the brink of tears when in the presence of the classic gowns at the Met. I get the same way when I find a mint-condition Batman comic.

So I'm glad Ping was finally ponged and that the young model pointed out she didn't even fit the dress on her. I bet the models have been told off-camera by the producers "If something dramatic is going on, be sure to bitch about on the runway--or scrunch up your face so Heidi will say 'You look like you're bursting to say something.'" The same with the designers when chosing their models--Jesus just had to say something about Sophia being "difficult" because of her allergy.

Which leads me to say I'm actually not hating Models on the Runway this season. This group of ladies is actually interesting compared to the Barbies last time. I really like the older-vs.-younger-model dynamic with Brandise (love the name), Sophia, and that Irish girl going out for drinks while the little kids stay at home and whine about how nobody likes them and begging for a hug. (I also love to hear the Irish girl talk. Her accent is great.) It's also spikier with the designers not always chosing the same model, so at least there's a modicum of suspense. These designers have no loyalty which is fantastic because it shows they don't give a shit about the models' feelings--they want to win!

Back to the main stuff: Mila's jacket did deserve a win. She and Jay are emerging as consistantly strong. But I'll bet Mila's teammate Jonathan was pissed that she won because he did all the work--and she didn't even thank him, at least not on camera. Also Maya seemed to be the leader of her team even though Jay was the titular captain. Her Jane-Jetson-at-the-Miss-Galaxy-pageant gown was very risky. It could very easily have become a supervillainness costume from Star Trek, but it was elegant without going over the top.

Speaking of fashion, earlier this week I watched Unzipped, the documentary on Isaac Mizrahi. It trailed the designer while he put together a new collection and all the work that goes into mounting the show. One of his conceits was to have a scrim in front of the backstage area so that when lights shone through it, you could see the mayhem of the dressers and models scrambling to make their entrances. Just as the camera was taking us behind the scenes, so was Mizrahi. It was a fun and quirky look behind the curtain of a glamorous world. You would see the camera crew in many shots. The director--too lazy to look it up--filmed mostly in black and white and at odd angles, sometimes using grainy film. It offered a weird perspective. Also ironic that Mizrahi's label went bankrupt a few years later and then he was designing for Target. Now he's doing Project Runway knock-offs--will that thing ever come back? It least it was better than Launch My Line.

More reality is on the way with Kell on Earth and the return of Shear Genius from Bravo and of course, The Amazing Race on Valentine's Day.

Nightmare Scenario for 2012

I've stopped watching the political shows because I'm so disgusted with the scene--particularly the Democrats who have allowed their supremacy in Congress to slip through their fingers in a year. They've still got a big majority, but now they're so scared of filibusters, they won't do anything. I recently found a New Yorker from 2008 with Norman Mailer's letters chronicling his attitudes towards the changing political scene from 1945 to 2005. In a letter to Sal Cetrano (I have no idea who that is) in 1999, he sums up my feelings:

"While the Democrats, and Clinton first, disgust me with what I call their 'boutique politics'--a little bit here, a little bit there, and served with loads of bullshit slathered over it--the Republicans are a psychotic monstrosity. On the one hand, they're God, flag, family--although few of them would know Jesus Christ if he were standing at the next urinal pissing along with them--and an astonishing number never served in the armed forces nor heard a bullet, and being politicians they cheat like jackrabbits on their wives and families."

Some members of the left are furious because Obama has not remained pure and will probably go more centerist as he loses ground. There was a post today from a gay website about punishing the democrats and the president for not eliminating Don't Ask Don't Tell. Yes, let everyone know your displeasure. But in the next election, who else are you going to vote for? Republicans will never support gay causes until they think it will help them--which is never.

The way things are going, here's a possible nightmare scenario: Scott Brown, the new Rep. senator from Mass., gets real popular. He runs for President in 2012 on the platform: "Hey, I haven't been in Washington long enough to be an insider. I'm an outsider just like you, middle America. I've been in the Senate about as long as Barack Obama was, and besides, I'm hot, sexy, and white! Vote for me!" Maybe he'll get Michelle Bachman to be Vice President, sort of a sexy dad and mom thing going on. They throw cases of tea into Boston Harbor. It gets played all over Fox. There are enough idiots who buy this crap that the best government is no government. "Brown and Bachman: We Won't Do Shit for You!" They are swept in on a tide of anti-government resentment. They dismantle the entire Congress except for a Bureau of Morals to contain homosexuality, capitalists do whatever they want, we return to the Gilded Age with no unions, medicare, social security or abortions, and Pat Buchanan dies happily.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 2: Burlap Dance

Remember that episode of I Love Lucy where Ricky and Fred give Lucy and Ethel burlap sacks as if they were Paris fashions and the girls wear them, are seen by a designer who steals the idea and creates a line of burlap? They stole the idea for this week's Project Runway. They should have at least given credit to the source. I wonder who comes up with the challenges? Is it Heidi? Does Tim have a say? Or is it all unseen producers?

So the challenge was to make a industry-party-worthy dress out of potato sacks. This time the models got to choose their designers. I think Alexis picked Anthony because she thought she could push him around. Milla who worked with Alexis the previous week, lucked out and came up with a winner.

Once again Ping made a dress-up outfit worthy of a six-year-old. Her teenage model looked like a bag of potato chips with the ass hanging out.

I liked Jonathan and Seth Allen's looks best--particularly Jonathan's understated print--but of course the judges went for far-out Milla's sleek, futuristic look and Jay's feather-explosion. I'll bet the people in the middle will eventually emerge as the strongest with Seth Allen definitely finishing strongly. Jesus and Ping will continue to scrape the bottom of the barrel until all the drab bland people are gone (like Pamela who did make her model's ass look big, but she made a better dress than Jesus or Ping did). Then their cute, funny but amateurish asses will aufed before you can say "Weird or cute, you're time is up." Jesus looked just adorable on the runway with his sweet little bow-tie, but honey, you should pay more attention to the model's outfit than your own.

Second-place Amy should have won. Her piece had a light, soft look and the skirt was innovative.

Guest judge Lauren Hutton scared me with her stretched-tight face. And would it have killed you to dress up a little? She looked like she was about to go shopping at the Darien A&P for steaks for Labor Day weekend.

The Past Comes Up to Haunt Me: The New Yorker and Looney Tunes

While searching for last year's tax return--cause you never know when you're going to need it--I came across some New Yorkers from 2007 and 2008. Jerry has a subscription for his office and he brings home old issues. I rarely throw them out because I rarely read them right away. Reading The New Yorker is a mjor commitment. It's like reading a book. So I stockpile them and sometime take them upstate. It might be years before I will read an article. I did throw some three-year-old ones out because there was nothing in the table of contents that caught my eye. I kept one from Nov. 19, 2007 with a fascinating article on Orson Welles and Laurence Olivier, comparing their stabs at popularizing Shakespeare in the cinema and on stage. The author cites Welles' Chimes at Midnight as a better film than Olivier's Henry V. I think I saw Chimes at the Theatre for the Living Arts in Philly while I was in college. It was an impressive, though raggedly kind of movie with a certain offbeat charm. Welles scrambled to put it together on a limited budget in Spain, dubbing half the voices of the Spanish actors. According to the article, it's not available on DVD. I will have to check Netflix.

Another article from 2008 I'm now reading consists of Norman Mailer's letters from 1945 to 2005.

That reminds of some recent incidents that involved bits of pop culture which bubbled up in the presence of my friend Diane. We used to work together at Back Stage and one of my catchphrases was: "Nothing like this has happened to me since the boys got back from Gettysburgh." This is a quote from Granny in the Bugs Bunny cartoon where she has inherited a lot of money and Yosemite Sam woos her for the cash. Bugs disguises himself as a French nobleman and pretends to be Sam's rival, thus Granny's line about two men (sort of) after her at once. Anyway, I uttered this witticism when things were slow. Flashforward a few years: Diane is attending an outdoor summertime movie in Bryant Park. They normally show a cartoon before the feature like in the old days. It's the cartoon with Granny. She says the line about Gettysburgh and Diane laughs in recognition hysterically. Her friends look at her as if she's nuts. "It wasn't that funny," one says. She later explains the source of her excessive mirth.

Another thing I used to say a lot was Mr. Owl's line from the Tootsie Pop commercial about how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop: "Let's find out--One, Twoo-ooo, three (he crunches into the center), Three."

Diane told me she recently heard some teenagers on a subway quoting Mr. Owl. It was all she could do not to guffaw and be declared a lunatic.

The past resurfaces in mysterious ways.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 1: Ping-a-Ling

Back to the the runway for Season 7 and at least they wised up and returned to New York. But why did they keep Models of the Runway? Who cares about the models? Now we'll have another season of no challenges with real people, which is what made the previous seasons 1-5 interesting--the interaction between the designers and non-models. Remember Jeffrey making what's-her-name's mother cry? And Christian clashing with the high-school girl during the prom challenge? And the final five in Season 1 making a new look for each other? It added spice. I couldn't care less about these human coat-hangers developing friendships with the contestants.

Well, at least we're back in the Big Apple and Michael and Nina will be on every episode like they belong. This bunch also seems a lot more interesting and talented than Season 6's group. I can't remember one good dress that sorry lot turned out. This bunch at least makes bold choices and uses color. The first episode featured the by-now standard express-yourself challenge where the designers must make something that says who they are. We found out right away who Ping is: the resident nut job. Sometimes the contestant filling the kook slot is aufed right away as in the punk rock girl from season 6. Sometimes she hangs on for a few episodes for humor value--like the hippie chick who liked to spit on her dresses to "bless" them with her essence and made that disaster which pooped fabric on the first challenge. But this time the wack-a-doodle judges actually liked Ping's eccentric design and put her in the top three. Seriously, Nicole Ritchie, you would wear that? Maybe after a few dozen cocktails. I thought Ping's model looked like a little girl who grabbed everything in her mommy's closet and threw it on in a misguided attempt at dress up. And BTW, is she so poor that she can't even afford a dress form and has to put all of her designs on herself? How does she pin anything? Oh yeah, she doesn't, she just drapes.

Okay, maybe I'm being a tad harsh. I later figured out when they edited the runway show, we didn't get to see the full effect with that plaid snood thing. We only saw that on the model's arm and I wondered what the hell it was supposed to be. So we'll see if Ping continues to impress the judges with her way-out style. I think she's going to run out of luck and will not last long.

Anthony is another Runway character made to order--the loud, funny, queeny guy who can't shut up. I loved it when he started gushing about how relieved he was not to be eliminated and Heidi told him to get off the runway before she changed her mind. That snapped his trap shut real quick. And what was that enormous appendage on the side of his dress? A colostomy bag?

Seth Allen is the bad boy in the mold of Jeffrey. I absolutely LOVED what he was wearing on the runway, a lot more than his MTV-Awards-in-Japan outfit with that red zipper and the uneven straps. Janeanne is the overly sensitive girl who cries at the drop of a stitch. I predict big conflicts and an ocean of tears from her.

Hated Jesus's train which would have looked even weirder if he kept the dress short. Should have kept it short and lost the train, would have worked a lot better. Everyone commented on the seam. Jesse's jacket worked very well and was very smart. Christina's piece was poorly constructed and showed every pucker. She did deserve to go home and Emilio demonstrated he has solid skills with his winning multi-layered party dress.

We've also got a new catchphrase--"hanger appeal." And the winner doesn't get a car this time? I guess they couldn't get an automobile sponsor. I haven't watched Models on the Runway yet and will give it a fair trial, but I will probably just not DVR it this time. I have better things to do with those 23 minutes like find old Hanna Barbera cartoons on YouTube.

"What I Should Have Said Was..."

Earlier this week I saw Ruddigore performed by the New York Gilbert and Sullivan Players (review on Back Stage here) with my friend Lydia. At the curtain call, I told her I had to go to the can and would meet her in the lobby. She thought I said I would meet her outside the theatre. Anyway, we missed each other for a few minutes and she came into the lobby where I was waiting. She told told me while she was waiting outside for me that David Letterman came out with his wife. Lydia didn't say anything to him, their eyes did meet and he realized she recognized him which probably happens all the time. We joked how the wife was forcing him to go to a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta because he humiliated her on national TV by admitting his numerous affairs with staffers.

Anyway I probably wouldn't have said anyting to Dave either or asked for an autograph, but I would have liked to have had the presence of mind to say "Crush Leno when he returns to 11:30." I hope Dave does destory Leno. I can't understand why NBC thinks Leno will get all his viewers back and beat Dave when Leno's 10:00 show has been such an utter and dismal failure. Maybe because fewer people watch late night than prime time and they don't need as many viewers? I never thought Leno was funnier than Dave. Jay just lucked out because Hugh Grant happened to have sex with a prostitute (whatever happened to her, by the way?) and he was booked on Leno's show immediately afterwards. Why did those people stay with Jay? And why did they desert him when he went to prime time? I never watched him and don't think he was ever funny, so it's all a mystery to me. I just hope Leno is crushed when he returns. Maybe he made a pact with the devil like Haiti and is now reaping God's vengeance. (I will have to do a separate blog on the hatefulness of Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh.)

Just missing Letterman reminded me of the times I encountered a celebrity and later thought of the perfect witty thing to say. Like the time Jerry and I were visiting friends in Park Slope and Senator Chuck Schumer was walking towards us. I said "Good evening, Senator." And he said "Hi, fellows." That was pretty good. But I should have said, "When you see the President, please tell him he can have my $300 back if that will help." The then-Republican controlled Congress had just passed a law at W.'s insistence giving everyone a tax refund of said amount which was supposed to stimulate the economy.

Another time even longer ago, I saw MacBeth at the Public Theatre with Alec Baldwin and Angela Bassett. Afterwards I saw Johnny Cochran, OJ Simpson's defense lawyer, leaving the theatre. On the subway ride home, I suddenly realized I could have said "So, do you think you could have gotten Macbeth off?"

The Kryptonian Time Line Project--Part I

As per my New Year's resolution, I'm going to do something really constructive and figure out that Krpytonian time line I wrote about in earlier blogs.

Lois Lane's attempt to break up Jor-El and Lara. (Lois Lane's Romance with Jor-El, Lois Lane, #59) In one of the most twisted moves of her neurotic life, Lois Lane goes into the past in a misguided attempt to save Krpyton from exploding and romance Jor-El. I guess she was thinking "If I can't have the son, I'll take the father." While on Krypton long before the Els' marriage, Lois tries to prevent the inevitable but is foiled at every turn. The scheming Lois even goes so far as to sabotage Lara at the hairdressers', only to have the scheme backfire and Lois winds with green hair.

KBI Agents While Jor and Lara are still dating, they are working as undercover agents for the Krpton Bureau of Investigation (KBI), Superman #123 "Superman's Return to Krypton." They meet Superman who is there through a magic wish of Jimmy Olsen's but forget all about it when he comes back in Superman #141.

Jor-El and Lara are married (Superman's Return to Krypton, Superman #141) just as Superman winds up on his home world after chasing some space beast so fast he accidentally breaks the time barrier. After numerous attempts to trick fate, Kal-El is determined to out on a brave front and face doom with his parents and new love Lyla Lerrol, Krypton's leading emotion-movie actress. But while filming a movie, Kal is trapped in a prop rocket with a flame-beast whose super-fires shooting from its mouth give the rocket temporary real flight powers. Superman is rocketed into a yellow sun's orbit and regains his powers. He callously concludes he can't change history and returns to the present. In one of many inconsistancies, the city of Kandor is shrunken and stolen by Brianian during this visit. But it was also abducted during Lois Lane's earlier sojourn which takes place years before the Els' marriage.

Superman and Batman drop in. Some years after the marriage,but before the birth of baby Kal-El, Superman and Batman arrive to investigate the first couple of Krypton's brief appearance on modern-day earth (World's Finest #191, "Execution on Krypton"). The Els and Superman have apparently forgotten all about his two earlier visits. (see earlier blog for details of this WF adventure).

To Stop a Predator. At this point, Lois Lane re-enters the picture in her time bubble (still Lois Lane #59, "Lois Lane's Romance with Jor-El.") She can't help herself and before returning to present-day Earth, this twisted woman emerges to give the infant Kal-El a big kiss. How sick can you get? Jor-El aims his newly invented phantom zone ray at her accidentally and she is hurled into the ghost-like dimension (which makes no sense because then she would have disappeared from her earth life and never met Superman.)

Jor-El, Super-Genius. In addition to inventing the Phantom Zone ray, Jor also invents an all-terrain vehicle which can fly, and travel underwater and underground ("The Super-Outlaw from Krypton," Superman #134), and is called the Jor-El.

Even More Earth People Visit. According to "The Man Who Saved Kal-El's Life" (Action #281), an Earth scientist named Prof. Dunn also appeared on Krpyton by means of a matter transmitter Jor-El instructed him to build. The plan was to mass produce the transmitter to save the Kyrpton population. While in the El home, Prof. Dunn helps save baby Kal-El's life when the kiddy is bitten by a snake. There are references to Jor-El monitoring Earth and seeing Al Capone and Babe Ruth, placing this in the 1920s. Dunn returns to earth, but the scheme fails when Krypton blows up ahead of schedule and Dunn's matter transmitter malfunctions so that not even the Els can be saved.

In World's Finest #146 ("Batman, Son of Krypton"), we learn of yet another Earth scientist to wend his way to our favorite planet--actually he saw it by long-distnace telescope. This loser's name is Dr. Ellison, and by sheerest coincidence, he was a neighbor of Baby Bruce Wayne, the future Batman.This "lonely bachelor" would baby-sit little Bruce and dress him up in Kryptonian clothes and have the poor tyke pretend he was a native of the planet and had superpowers on Earth. This guy was even more twisted than Lois Lane.

Krypto and Beppo In test experiments for the rocket which will bring baby kal-El to earth, super dog Kyrpto and super monkey Beppo are launched into orbit. Jor-El is not sued by the Kryptonian equivalent of the ASCAP.

Let's Not Forget Mon-El. Yet another alien befriends Jor and Lara. A youth from the planet Daxam (Superboy #89, "Superboy's Big Brother") crash lands in their back yard. After several weeks, the ship is repaired, but the kid gets amnesia when he crash lands on earth--how unlucky can you get? In his mixed-up memory, he thinks he's from Krypton and is Superboy's older brother. Daxam is similar to Krypton in that its inhabitants would get superpowers on earth. Anyway, Superboy calls him Mon-El because he was found a Monday. After the truth is discovered and Mon recovers his memory, Superboy sends him to the Phantom Zone for 1,000 years (he's dying from lead poisoning and a cure isn't discovered until then by Brianiac 5). The weird part is, we never find out Mon's real name and no one seems to care.

Jimmy Olsen Sticks his Big Nose In. Trying and failing miserably to save Krypton seems to be the thing to do among Superman's buttinsky pals, so Jimmy Olsen takes a shot in "Olsen's Time Trip to Save Krypton" (Jimmy Olsen, #101). Things get really screwy because Jimmy arrives on Krpyton just as Kandor is stolen, but in this version, Jor-El and Lara are married and baby Kal-El is a few years old. Jimmy visits Jor-El and when the erstwhile cub reporter shows the great scientist a future picture of his son, Jor admits to recognizing him from the events of Superman #141. However, he dismisses Jimmy's wild tales about Earth and Superman and tosses him out as a nutbag. Jimmy falls in love with a Krytonian girl named Miri, attempts to warn the population about the impending doom, and but fails. He whisks himself back to the present as the planet meets its end.

Argo City cuts loose. A lot was going on at the big-bang moment. As baby Kal-el's rocket is launched, an entire chuck of Krypton containing Argo City breaks off which is conventiently covered with a plastic bubble and has enough food to survive for many years. Never mind that this is physically impossible. On this impossible chunk of life lives Zor-El, Jor's brother, and his wife. While floating aimslessly in space, they give birth to a girl who, after Argo city is destroyed, is a saved in a manner similar to that of her cousin by crashing landing on earth. She later becomes Supergirl.