Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Kryptonian Time Line Project--Part I



As per my New Year's resolution, I'm going to do something really constructive and figure out that Krpytonian time line I wrote about in earlier blogs.

Lois Lane's attempt to break up Jor-El and Lara. (Lois Lane's Romance with Jor-El, Lois Lane, #59) In one of the most twisted moves of her neurotic life, Lois Lane goes into the past in a misguided attempt to save Krpyton from exploding and romance Jor-El. I guess she was thinking "If I can't have the son, I'll take the father." While on Krypton long before the Els' marriage, Lois tries to prevent the inevitable but is foiled at every turn. The scheming Lois even goes so far as to sabotage Lara at the hairdressers', only to have the scheme backfire and Lois winds with green hair.

KBI Agents While Jor and Lara are still dating, they are working as undercover agents for the Krpton Bureau of Investigation (KBI), Superman #123 "Superman's Return to Krypton." They meet Superman who is there through a magic wish of Jimmy Olsen's but forget all about it when he comes back in Superman #141.

Jor-El and Lara are married (Superman's Return to Krypton, Superman #141) just as Superman winds up on his home world after chasing some space beast so fast he accidentally breaks the time barrier. After numerous attempts to trick fate, Kal-El is determined to out on a brave front and face doom with his parents and new love Lyla Lerrol, Krypton's leading emotion-movie actress. But while filming a movie, Kal is trapped in a prop rocket with a flame-beast whose super-fires shooting from its mouth give the rocket temporary real flight powers. Superman is rocketed into a yellow sun's orbit and regains his powers. He callously concludes he can't change history and returns to the present. In one of many inconsistancies, the city of Kandor is shrunken and stolen by Brianian during this visit. But it was also abducted during Lois Lane's earlier sojourn which takes place years before the Els' marriage.

Superman and Batman drop in. Some years after the marriage,but before the birth of baby Kal-El, Superman and Batman arrive to investigate the first couple of Krypton's brief appearance on modern-day earth (World's Finest #191, "Execution on Krypton"). The Els and Superman have apparently forgotten all about his two earlier visits. (see earlier blog for details of this WF adventure).

To Stop a Predator. At this point, Lois Lane re-enters the picture in her time bubble (still Lois Lane #59, "Lois Lane's Romance with Jor-El.") She can't help herself and before returning to present-day Earth, this twisted woman emerges to give the infant Kal-El a big kiss. How sick can you get? Jor-El aims his newly invented phantom zone ray at her accidentally and she is hurled into the ghost-like dimension (which makes no sense because then she would have disappeared from her earth life and never met Superman.)

Jor-El, Super-Genius. In addition to inventing the Phantom Zone ray, Jor also invents an all-terrain vehicle which can fly, and travel underwater and underground ("The Super-Outlaw from Krypton," Superman #134), and is called the Jor-El.

Even More Earth People Visit. According to "The Man Who Saved Kal-El's Life" (Action #281), an Earth scientist named Prof. Dunn also appeared on Krpyton by means of a matter transmitter Jor-El instructed him to build. The plan was to mass produce the transmitter to save the Kyrpton population. While in the El home, Prof. Dunn helps save baby Kal-El's life when the kiddy is bitten by a snake. There are references to Jor-El monitoring Earth and seeing Al Capone and Babe Ruth, placing this in the 1920s. Dunn returns to earth, but the scheme fails when Krypton blows up ahead of schedule and Dunn's matter transmitter malfunctions so that not even the Els can be saved.

In World's Finest #146 ("Batman, Son of Krypton"), we learn of yet another Earth scientist to wend his way to our favorite planet--actually he saw it by long-distnace telescope. This loser's name is Dr. Ellison, and by sheerest coincidence, he was a neighbor of Baby Bruce Wayne, the future Batman.This "lonely bachelor" would baby-sit little Bruce and dress him up in Kryptonian clothes and have the poor tyke pretend he was a native of the planet and had superpowers on Earth. This guy was even more twisted than Lois Lane.

Krypto and Beppo In test experiments for the rocket which will bring baby kal-El to earth, super dog Kyrpto and super monkey Beppo are launched into orbit. Jor-El is not sued by the Kryptonian equivalent of the ASCAP.

Let's Not Forget Mon-El. Yet another alien befriends Jor and Lara. A youth from the planet Daxam (Superboy #89, "Superboy's Big Brother") crash lands in their back yard. After several weeks, the ship is repaired, but the kid gets amnesia when he crash lands on earth--how unlucky can you get? In his mixed-up memory, he thinks he's from Krypton and is Superboy's older brother. Daxam is similar to Krypton in that its inhabitants would get superpowers on earth. Anyway, Superboy calls him Mon-El because he was found a Monday. After the truth is discovered and Mon recovers his memory, Superboy sends him to the Phantom Zone for 1,000 years (he's dying from lead poisoning and a cure isn't discovered until then by Brianiac 5). The weird part is, we never find out Mon's real name and no one seems to care.

Jimmy Olsen Sticks his Big Nose In. Trying and failing miserably to save Krypton seems to be the thing to do among Superman's buttinsky pals, so Jimmy Olsen takes a shot in "Olsen's Time Trip to Save Krypton" (Jimmy Olsen, #101). Things get really screwy because Jimmy arrives on Krpyton just as Kandor is stolen, but in this version, Jor-El and Lara are married and baby Kal-El is a few years old. Jimmy visits Jor-El and when the erstwhile cub reporter shows the great scientist a future picture of his son, Jor admits to recognizing him from the events of Superman #141. However, he dismisses Jimmy's wild tales about Earth and Superman and tosses him out as a nutbag. Jimmy falls in love with a Krytonian girl named Miri, attempts to warn the population about the impending doom, and but fails. He whisks himself back to the present as the planet meets its end.

Argo City cuts loose. A lot was going on at the big-bang moment. As baby Kal-el's rocket is launched, an entire chuck of Krypton containing Argo City breaks off which is conventiently covered with a plastic bubble and has enough food to survive for many years. Never mind that this is physically impossible. On this impossible chunk of life lives Zor-El, Jor's brother, and his wife. While floating aimslessly in space, they give birth to a girl who, after Argo city is destroyed, is a saved in a manner similar to that of her cousin by crashing landing on earth. She later becomes Supergirl.

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