Project Runway Season 8: Finale--Miscarriage of Justice

A week later I finally caught up with the Project Runway finale and did my imitation of Edvard Munch's The Scream when the winner was announced. All I can say is Tim Gunn was right about the judges smoking crack. What happened between the stand-off between the Nina Garcia-Michael Kors faction and the Heidi-Jessica Simpson alliance when they said they were deadlocked and then Gretchen being declared the winner? Did Nina say, "Jessica is only a guest judge and Michael and I are more important"? I was really stunned because Mondo definitely deserved to win. The two people who would actually be wearing the clothes--Heidi and Jessica--favored Mondo, but Michael and Nina were saying Gretchen's snoozefest would sell more easily at the local J.C. Penny's.

This does not make any sense and is totally inconsistant with past seasons. Last year, for instance, the judges crowned Seth Aaron's Third Reich parade in front of Der Feurher over Emilio's very wearable and pretty collection. Nina even said in the reunion show when Emilio tearfully asked why he lost that his was a "line" rather than a collection, meaning it was too everyday. Gretchen's was definitely everyday while Mondo's was a wild, fun party--so what if it was too young, Nina. Then there was Katho whose stylish yet flattering looks lost to that shy girl--can't remember her name--with the art-school concept-y wave things. (I did like them but who would wear them except to a costume party?) And let's not forget Christian's all-black, high-couture whacky train wreck with those enormous hats. I can just see wearing one of those to the Pathmark. Obviously, Michael and Nina decided being on-trend and safe was more important this time than taking a risk.

I think the real reason for their choice was those two were pissed off that Mondo did not listen to them about the circus and kept the headpieces and the bubble dress which everybody else including Heidi thought was fabulous. They rewarded Gretchen for listening to them by heightening the styling. They praised the styling but doesn't that say that the clothes themselves need help?

IMHO, Gretchen had one or two nice outfits you could wear while shopping on a summer day in Darien, Conn. or to an afternoon tea party on Cape Cod. Mondo's looks were exciting and different and definitely his own. Gretchen's were bland and that jewelry was meh. As Heidi said, it's a fashion show, not a jewelry show.

And what were those voluminous cargo pants Andy was wearing? He had some cute outfits, but they were too similar--his models looks like high-fashion elves with all that green and those star headthingies.

Catching Up with Reality--Project Runway, The Amazing Race and The A List

Real life has kept me from keeping up with reality TV. Project Runway is almost over and the Amazing Racers have run from Ghana to the Arctic Circle. Plus those shallow idiots on the A List New York are hot for the most part, but what a waste of pecs. All they do is bitch about what big fame whores the others are and which restaurants they can get into. They're all pretty ridic. Even I, a fame whore if ever there was one, got tired of them after one episode.

Project Runway is just about wrapped up with the final three chosen and fashion week just a few days away. I felt glad for Tim who got to visit Hawaii this time on his home visits. Usually he winds up in some unexotic place like Portland. I just finished reading his new book and he spent a great deal of time in Asia when he was working at Parsons so he must have been to Hawaii at some point. Anyway, he was visiting Andy who had done hardly anything since his textiles hadn't arrived from Laos until a few days ago. He talked a good game, but the results were disappointing for me. What was up with that bikini cape thing? The model looked like she had escaped from Victoria's Secret.

I loved it when Nina called Gretchen's samples from her collection Crunchy Granola. I thought what Gretchen was wearing was a lot chicer and more interesting than anything on her models. Her new look was drab--that green,ugh--and resembled a potato sack. Mondo was the only one who was totally safe. I loved his polka-dot evening gown. Even the little headdresses that Nina and Michael thought were too circus-y I thought worked. I would have aufed either Andy or Gretchen rather than Michael C. The main complaint seemed to be that his clothes were all the same color. That's not so bad. He reacted like they were killing his baby when he lost. "What am I gonna tell my family," he moaned. There seems to be a lot of backstory there what with the kid and the partner and the unsupportive parents who think he should be a truck driver or something. He seems to have been married before then came out as both gay and a fashion desinger.

Meanwhile on the Amazing Race, the budget cuts showed when the teams stayed in Accra, Ghana for two episodes. I really hoped the cute Glee nerds would stay. They showed their intelligence by being the only team to figure out the word-search challenge, but then Johnny's lack of athletic skill tripped them up in Sweden.

I figured out why there are so many blondes. They are probably getting a lot of pressure for an all-female team to win. So they've got a lot of strong women who just happen to be blonde. I think Team Salesmanship has the best chance to take it and I don't hate them. I don't hate any team this season and that takes some of the fun out of it. I guess the only one I kinda hate is the buff boyfriend guy cause he's been so arrogant, but he's not that bad--so I don't hate him like I hated Rob and Amber or the frat boys who lost to the hippies.

Here's a quick summary and if I feel like it I'll go deeper into episodes 2,3, and 4, but it's late and episode 5 is tomorrow, so I'll try to give a better blog on that one.

Day 3--Drive to London, six-hour flight to Accra, Ghana

Day 4--Arrive Accra, sell sunglasses, etc.

Day 5--Remain in Accra, Glee nerds win

Day 6--Flight to Frankfurt

Day 7--Arrive in Lapland

Project Runway Season 8: Episodes 8 and 9: Battle for Most Hideous

The designers should know by now that if they are given two days for a challenge, there's going to be a big twist coming. For Episode 9 they had to create a whole second look--ready to wear based on their couture design. Ironically Michael C. whom everyone thinks is a lousy craftsman was already almost finished with his burgundy train wreck. So he was in the clear. It's also funny that even though he was in the bottom, the judges still said it was a well-made train wreck while Ivy and Valerie, the nasty naysayers of Michael C. from Team Luxe, had crappily made train wrecks. Ivy's was really bad with this blue material that looked like crepe paper sloppily attached. It looked like a little girl's Halloween costume. Valerie wasn't much better. I liked the outfit she was wearing better. She cried because she was saved rather than Ivy.

Last week was confusion city behind the scenes according the Tim Gunn's vlog--which was taken off of Facebook, did you notice that? The producers originally had Tim report to a dance studio for a dance-based challenge and no one was there! After some frantic calls, he reported to some historical gallery where they were to do the Jackie O challenge. And even that was screwed up because they wanted American sportswear and according to Tim, she mostly wore European sportswear.

Anyway, Ivy redeemed herself, temporarily with a sheer top and flowing pantsuit. I loved the asymmetrical neckline. But she slipped up this week and now is gone.

Project Runway Season 8: Episode 7--The Last Resort

The highlight of this week's Project Runway was seeing Tim Gunn in a full business suit on that boat while the designers looked like a whore convention, especially Andy who resembled a Native American slut bucket with that Mohawk and Cher ear jewelry. The challenge was to create a resortwear outfit. The twist was they had to have another designer execute their look and vice versa. That's a good idea in fact, because a big time designer does not sew his or her own dresses. Can you imagine Betsy Johnson or Vivian Westwood at a sewing machine? I think not.

It appeared Michael C. was like the kid who always gets picked last for volleyball. In spite of his two wins, no one wanted him because if his alleged poor skills. But Mondo realized he wasn't so bad and they bonded, actually hugging by the end with Mondo apologizing for being such a bitch--I can't picture Gretchen or Ivy doing such a thing. Speaking of Ivy, she should have been the one to have been ripped off the walls (that's a pun on her name, hon). She can't blame Michael D. for her poor choice of fabrics or her ho-hum design. Her model looked like a protester at an Earth Day demonstration in 1971. That color was so blah and the blouse looked like a moo-moo on Kathy Griffin's mom (OK that was probably Michael D.'s fault, but what the hell.)

The bottom two were Ivy and Casanova, and though Casanova's work would have more appropriate for Rue McClanahan at a Florida cocktail party for seniors than at a beach in San Paolo, at least it had a certain amount of flair. And why does Casanova rate an entire clip montage when he's auffed? He wasn't that charismatic. I did like Andy's sexy bathing suit and wrap over April's punk baby doll. I loved Michael D.'s piece esp. with the asymmetrical back, I think those are always interesting.

Ivy is going down soon. I think it's interesting that all the people at the top in early episodes like Gretchen and Valerie are now in the middle most of the time and people on the bottom previously like April and Michael D. are coming out on top.

And if I hear the phrase "throwing him under the bus" one more time, I'll scream. Can't they come up with another way to describe backstabbing? How about, kicking him in the bajangas?

Project Runway 8--The Story So Far

I've been on vacation for most of August and catching up with work, so I haven't had a chance to comment on the new season of Project Runway. After viewing episode six in real time, I am finally up to date. Since we are now about halfway through the series, I wondered if it was even worth it to start talking about it here, but rather than go over each episode, I'll give my impressions of the first six here and then go episode by episode.

In his vlog Tim Gunn said he thought the judges were smoking crack this season because of some of their wacky decisions and I have to agree with him. In the very first episode they kept Jason and Casanova who made monstrosities and kept McKale whose look was rather cute. I believe they were told by the producers, "Jason is a straight guy and we need at least one and Casanova is a major drama queen, so he'll be this season's Santino. Keep them and ditch the vanilla girl.Besides we'll send her back to her baby at home and that will make us look good." (Although I only found out about that from Tim's vlog.)

In the second episode, the judges continued with their crack-smoking by choosing Gretchen as the winner when it should have been Valerie. Gretchen's jump suit was clean but not as exciting as Valerie's. And thank God they got rid of Jason who blamed being a straight guy in a gay man's world for his shortcomings. His silver Lost in Space uniform with the safetypins was obviously a piece of crap. But why did they have to get rid of two people that week? I do like having as many designers as possible--I think 17 is the most they've ever had. I also like to 90-minute format, it gives more time for Tim's critiques.

The party challenge was fun and I thought Michael C.'s flamenco dress from plastic cups was very pretty. Maybe he's not the best seamstress, but he does have good taste and good ideas--in spite of everyone else's mean attitude towards him. The African-American woman's (forgot her name, too lazy to look it up) dress was a real mess--the hem was awful--and I was surprised she wasn't on the bottom. Did they want to get rid of one of the two tall blondes that time?

I had to agree with the judges somewhat on the hat challenge. Christopher's heavy hostess outfit was a bit much, but it did not deserve to be in the bottom. Michael C.'s Hispanic spitfire gown was a little simple, but it work with the hat. I thought the other Michael's farmer-sun thing looked like cardboard.

Then it was the clusterfuck of Team Luxe versus the Misfit Toys and their military lace collection which I loved. It was cohesive and unified without hitting you over the head--or "matchy-matchy" as Nina likes to say. Gretchen took the cake in backstabbing. I couldn't believe the whole tearful team vow not to betray each other and then as soon as they get on the runway they throw Michael C. under the bus because he has immunity. He proceeds to cry like a little girl. Bravo to Tim for ripping Gretchen a new one.

Michael C. shocked everyone again with his slutty remake of the bridesmaid's outfit.
But how much longer will he be able to get by the judges?

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 13: Mila-Jay Face Off

Okay, it's really Part 1 of the season finale, but I want to call it Episode 13. Another expense account trip for Tim Gunn to Vancouver, WA, and then Los Angeles and San Francisco to visit the designers as they work on their collections. For some reason, he goes to Washington state first, then NY, then LA and SF. Why not just fly to Seattle or wherever, then go to California, and then then fly back to NYC to bitch with Emilio. Maybe it was Tim's schedule. I just saw on his facebook page that he's writing a book and making appearances all over the place.

Anyway, Tim first arrives at Seth Aaron's modest little cottage in Vancouver which apparently has a squirrel problem (did you notice the Warning: Attack Squirrel sign?) We see that Seth has produced like 5,000 dresses and Tim hates them all. Well, he doesn't hate them, they're just the same old Seth Aaron thing and Tim bluntly tells a crestfallen Seth he won't win with this sorry-ass collection. In the promo, they fooled us into thinking that's what he told Emilio after saying "You do what you want." After picking his ego off the floor, Seth Aaron introduces Tim to his wife and kids and they all play Pictionary. Then they take take Tim out into the backyard and force him to jump on the trampoline. Funny, you don't think of fashion designers has having houses in the suburbs with wives and adoloscent kids.

Then we're treated to stock footage of the Bronx in the 1970s to give us an idea of Emilio's tortured childhood which still doesn't explain the weird print dress and the washer-strewn bikini. Tim meets Emilio's brothers underneath a bridge as if they're doing a drug deal. What, they didn't have time for a meal at home or even a restaurant? Emilio steps into his time machine and shows Tim his collection from 1943. This is the part where Tim says "You do what you want" and Emilio gets all Kenley on his ass and says Tim doesn't know what he's talking about because he doesn't wear women's clothes. WHAT? That's like when Lou and Edie Grant went to a marriage counselor on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Lou was pissed that the counsellor had never been married so how could he know anything about marital problems. The counsellor replies "You don't have to be a whale to write Moby Dick." (I hope you enjoyed that little trip into my mind, that's just the way it works.)

Next Tim racks up more frequent flyer miles to Los Angeles and Mila displays her work, It's all geometric and black and white (WHAT A SURPRISE!) Her inspiration is shadows. How cheerful! Tim accurately dubbed the collection matronly and gives Mila Laura Bush's phone number since she would be the ideal client. Mila then introduces her family and boyfriend to Tim. Even the goddamn dog is black and white! Was Mila frightened by a color TV as a child?

Tim takes the short flight or the long train ride like in that episode of Big Bang Theory (Don't you think Sheldon is gay, but I digress) to visit Jay who has made a Blade Runner-Doctor Who collection with outer-space sleeves. Tim loves most of it but asks "What the fuck is up with these ribbons for sleeves?" Jay and Mila then give Best Supporting Actress Oscar performances as they cry about how much they want to win. M'onique and Cloris Leachman play them in the movie version.

In New York, the final four occupy the same suite. Tim greets everyone and did you notice Emilio did not go to hug him like everyone else and just shook his hand?

Jay and Mila play out a "talking it out" scene which looks like they're in an Ingmar Bergman movie. After making up, they are told they have three hours to prepare for their presentation. Mila makes the brilliant observation, "Jay's got color. Not good for me." DUH! Did she honestly think everyone else was a black and white as her?

The final smackdown is very close. Mila is too retro, but the looks are very cohesive and well-tailored. The spangled cocktail dress is very pretty and goes with the other two items which look like Mila's mother wore them 40 years ago. Jay is the other extreme with techno Judy Jetson looks and epaulets everywhere. Heidi wants Mila. Michael wants Jay. Nina is on the fence. Heidi must has threatened to auf the other two during the break because Mila wins. Jay gives another brilliant Oscar winning performance as he ungraciously accepts defeat and bursts into tears. But we all know his collection will be shown at the tents, it just won't be on TV. I'm sure it will be on YouTube somewhere. Next week is the final runway show.

Project Runway Season 7: Episodes 11 and 12--Costume Party

There were so many twists and turns in Episode 11 of Project Runway I needed a full week to recover from the whiplash. First Maya dropped out, then Valerie took that DKNY job after turning it down the previous week. That really freaked me since she gave such an Best-Supporting-Actress-Oscar performance on the runway in her big speech to Seth Aaron about how much faith she had in him and would be anything to stay with him all the way to Bryant Park. But then I saw on Models of the Runway where they offered her double her usual fee and I couldn't really blame her for taking the job. Then Seth Aaron basically told me to fuck off when he addressed the viewers about Maya's leaving. "We all work so hard and are under such pressure, so anyone watching this and passing judgement on Maya can f--k off!" Well, screw you right back, Seth Aaron with your zippers and tailoring. I'm an American citizen and it's my God-given right to pass judgement on anyone whose kisser is on my TV machine! I'm more with Emilio who said "Quitters never win." Yeah, I hope Sarah Palin was watching.

So Anthony comes on to replace Maya and right away quotes "Gypsy" so I know we're back on the right course. (I think I'll make a separate blog about references to musical comedy in more mainstream culture that only gays will get.) The challenge was a red carpet dress for Heidi. How original and didn't they already do a make-a-dress-for-Heidi challenge? The guest judge was Jessica Alba, such a big star (NOT! what has she been in besides those Fantastic Four movies?) and she showed her lack of taste by gushing over Anthony's meh! drapey thing. I didn't find it exciting at all. Emilio did deserve to win with his glittery copper gown. We found out a little bit too much about Jay's big-butt fetish. Jonathan's shower curtain with a couple red towels on it got him eliminated and he really did deserve it this time. Irish Carrie who took Valeria's place was bounced for the second time in a row, so she went out and got drunk with Brandise ("Yiz can kiss me arse").

Episode 12 sent the remaining five designers to the circus where Jay ogled the acrobats' pecs. This was actually fun and there used to more instances of field trips (even flights to Paris) and weird challenges like designing costumes for ice skaters, female wrestlers, drag queens, postal workers, beauty pageant contestants,and relatives of the other designers. There should be more challenges like that. The idea was to design a dress influenced by the circus, but Seth Aaron and Mila made costumes FOR the circus. Both their outfits looked like they had taken too many drugs after viewing the new Alice in Wonderland movie. What's with those long sleeves, Seth? And Mila's model looked like she was auditioning to play a vampire villain on an episode of Doctor Who. Jay once again made a big butt outfit and Anthony made a huge goof with a blue polyesther thing from a 1970s beauty pageant. Despite his boasting, Emilio did deserve to win and I'm glad he listened to Tim and added more color. But I foresee problems between them when Tim visits. Also, it looks like Emilio has found a new catchphrase--"Come hard!" I'm getting the T-shirt tomorrow.

I was surprised when they announced the run-off between Mila and Jay. I thought Mila would take it because she's been more consistant if not as risk-taking as Jay. Actually both did show at Bryant Park, only one of them was on TV. I hope Mila steps outside her geometric black shapes and tries something different so Nina will finally approve of her again. I liked that Emilio said he's rather compete with Seth Aaron and Mila because they were the strongest ones, even though I don't think he likes Mila.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 10: Irish Girl Speaks Up, plus Louisville Reflections

Irish girl Carrie spoke up to the judges this past week when Michael Kors compared the dress she was wearing to a dirty table-cloth and Nina Garcia declared it a full-on disaster. "I have to disagree with all a yiz," she firmly said in that delightful brogue. I wanted her to go on with "And yiz can kiss me arse, the lot of yiz. I'm goin' to the pub for a pint of ale and if yiz don't like it, yiz can stuff it." She was the highlight of the episode. But how did Jonathan her designer repay her? He picked Brandeis, the odd girl and Carrie got eliminated.

It's been a strange week. I'm late with this Runway recap/blog/rumination because I was in Louisville during the episode. It was broadcast on the first night of the Humana Festival and I watched the second half at about 1:30 AM after attending the opening night reception and seeing the first play which started at 11PM. I just now watched the first half on DVR back in NYC. I'm getting kinda tired of this season. There hasn't been anything really grabby. I've had enough of Seth Aaron's zippers and Mila's color blocking. There were a few twists--Seth Aaron escaped the curse of the cell phone by speaking with a loved one on camera via personal communication device and not being eliminated. Mila actually tried something not geometric, but the skirt was so tight her model Brandeis could barely walk in it.

I didn't think Emilio's winning print was that great and Jonathan's almost-losing pale jacket and skirt combo wasn't that awful. I guess the judges thought Anthony's was boring and better a "full-on disaster" than a yawn. Jonathan is in big trouble and will probably be the next to go. Emilio and Seth Aaron are probably safe, leaving Jay, Mia or Mila for the third slot. But something big is happening next week and I think it involves Mia because I recall hearing a rumor about her not showing up for fashion week.

The rest of Louisville was fun, but they packed so much into the three days I didn't do very much besides go to the theatre. At one point we had four shows on one day. After the first one I had about two hours to kill, so I took a cab to the historical district and bought a guide to the Victorian houses. One was a sort of double house with two separate entrances. A merchant built it for his two daughters who hated each other. There were separate porches so they could each sit on them without speaking to the other. Ironically, one of the houses is now the Kentucky Psychiatric Institute.

I only got to see a few additional domiciles when I realized I had better get back in time for the next show, so I walked back--about two miles. I passed a lot of hat and wig shops. Hats are big in Louisville because of the Kentucky Derby. All the ladies wear enormous chapeaus to the famous race. I took pictures which I will post later. Later that same day after the second show, I had lunch with the artistic director and some board members of the Actor's Express Theatre of Atlanta. It was fun to talk theatre with like-minded people. They asked me what was good in NYC and I asked about their season in Atlanta. It's so refreshing to see theatre outside of NYC and realize the whole country does have a theatre scene beyond Broadway.

Project Runway Season 7--Episode 9--Lost in a Concept

Amy got lost in her concept again this week. First it was the bowl of hair, now it was the umbrella dress. I had to agree with the judges on this one. Her teammate Jonathan's detail-crazy gown was pretty overworked as well. I thought it made the model look like the Transparent Woman--you know, that figurine where the skin was transparent so you could see all the organs, it was used for science class.

Everything was leading up to a big runway fight between Jay and Mila, but she did not have to throw him under the bus. The judges did that for her. Nina went back to loving her some Mila with her extravagant praise for Mila's nighttime East Village look which was very smart and tailored. But even I'm getting a bit tired of the geometric black and white thing with the lines and the stripes. I did admire Anthony and Maya's Chinatown pieces, but the nighttime would have looked better longer and maybe just a smidge of red to tie it to the daytime. Seth Aaron and Emilio did deserve to win, but what was that bagpipe bag on the daytime model's head? And what was that tiny wrench Amy was wearing on a necklace?

This time the Models on the Runway was actually more suspenseful than Project Runway. I love that the designers have almost no model loyalty so you never know who's gonna pick who. Emilio must be getting jittery if he dropped Holly. I thought it was pretty sneaky with the promo editing to make us think someone was going to the hospital after drinking too much by showing an ambulance right after a shot of the models knocking back a few. It turned out the ambulance was just a random atmosphere shot.

Anyway there are seven designers left which means four more will be eliminated before the final three, but the math doesn't work out if there are only three episodes left before the finale. Something will happen like that season where they picked four finalists and one had to aufed just before Bryant Park. I want Jonathan to make it all the way, but I have a feeling he's going to crumble. Maya is the only one not to have won so she may go. Mila is Nina's favorite and Seth Aaron definitely has a spot. That leaves Emilio, Jay and Anthony. I think Jay is fading and it's either him or Jonathan next week.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 7: Slutty Stripper Outfit Beats Jiffy-Pop Skirt

I thought for sure Emilio was going to buy the farm this week because he had sooo much screen time. There was that long explanation of how he didn't have enough cord and washers for his mini-skirt, which would have looked like a curtain in a gypsy's house except not as shiny. Or maybe Jay because starting with a garbage bag is always a bad sign if you'll recall from past seasons. I think Stella (the Leatha Queen from season 4, or was it 3?) used garbage bags on her very first challenge and almost got eliminated right out of the gate. But Jay managed to pull it off and made something pretty. The blue piping was a nice touch.

It looked bad for everyone, particularly when Jonathan predicted "You ten have the worst scores." And speaking of the number 10, what was all that shit about being in the top ten at the top of the episode? They never did that before. Did they want to refresh our memories as to how many contestants there were because they skipped a week? They still haven't explained why they were pre-empted last week. Was it fear of competing with the Olympics? And why did Ben wear pink shorts this week?

I also loved it when Tim said , "Alright designers, this....is....it!" just before they had to go down to the runway as if he knew disaster awaited them all. I laughed at that cymbals-crashing sound before each model made her entrance. It was like a cartoon scene and everyone looked like they had stepped out of a bad musical version of "Metropolis."

Jesse's outfit was indeed bizaarely awful. In addition to the epithets thrown by the judges--giant Hershey's kiss, dirty vacuum bag, ballerina in tin foil--I will add my own: Jiffy-pop popcorn bag. Maya's key necklace was indeed stylish and striking but what was that Spiderwoman web-net jacket? She looked like a villainess in a comic book, not even a Marvel comic book, but a Charleton or Dell or Gold Key comic book (For you non-geeks, those are real cheap comics.)

Emilio's bikini was really slutty and cheesey. He was sweating bullets when he was trying to talk his way out of it. I couldn't believe Nina actually said "It wasn't that bad." Oh come on, Nina, it was right out of the Badda Bing Club on the Sopranos. They really should have eliminated Emilio and not Jesse. I suspect the reason was that Emilio is the stronger designer plus they kept the pretty white straight boy too long last season and didn't want to make the same mistake.

Did you see Milla's face when she didn't win? She was pissed even though Heidi paid her a big compliment by saying it was another fine job.

With the numbers getting smaller the middle crowd (Jonathan, Ben, sometimes Seth Aaron) is going to get pushed up or to the bottom. Anthony is hanging by a thread--wasn't that hiliarous when he just shut up and walked off when he was told he was safe? He probably said to himself "Girl, you better not say a word cause your ass is just lucky to be still alive." I think Milla, Maya, and Amy may be the final three. Jay might squeak in.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 6: Send in the Clowns or Color Block the Pain

Tim Gunn has a new favorite phrase: clown clothes. He's used it twice so far this season. And what does he do for those 15 minutes while the contestants are sketching on their HP notepads? Anyway, Amy fell down the well this week with her bizarro outfit which didn't even look finished or tailored. That little kid nailed it when she said to the model, "Are you ready to go to the circus?" Jonathan's "toilet paper in a windstorm" wasn't that bad. It made me think of whipped cream. But Janeane's safe, drab thing was so nondescript I can't even think of a bitchy way to describe it. As soon as she was on that phone-organizer-keyboard doo-hickey to talk to her husband, you knew she was dead meat. My friend Lydia pointed out that whenever a designer had an extended scene via 21st century communication device with a loved one, they would be aufed by the end of the episode. Did that happen to Epperson last season?

Jessie looked much cuter this week with that adorable little hat and the bow tie untied. I think he's much cuter than that straight boy from last season that all the girls and the models had a crush on--see, I've forgotten his name already and I'm too lazy to look it up.

Anthony's no-talking challenge was funny. It broke the monotony with something different.

Not much else to report this week except that five years old is a little young to be walking the runway.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 5: Bible Study Time

When the episode opened with another funny quip from Anthony ("Wake up. It's bible study time. But I use it as a weapon" and then hitting Jay with the Holy Word which was a riot), I thought he was in trouble. He was getting too much camera time which is always a bad sign. But expectations turned upside down as the comic-relief designer emerged as a winner and the ice-queen former favorite (Milla with the bangs and the Anna Wintour haughty attitude) got slapped down.

It got very tiring to hear Heidi and Tim endlessly bray about how this was the BIGGEST challenge in Project Runway history. Tim's sole advice seemed to be "Just make it perfect!" And what was up with that bitchy Marie Clare editor-in-chief? Was she vying with Nina, her subordinate, for all the attention? Did someone tell her that because she's British she should be like Simon Cowell and say the nastiest things that pop into her scones-and-buttter head? Nausea, polluted seawater, and hospital food were her main images. EWW! You don't gots to be so mean, bitch! And why do they always cut away from the muscular arms of that hot make-up artist so fast? Linger on them biceps, Mr. Cameraman.

Everyone but Ben and Emilio seemed to be afraid of bold colors. And you need those to make an outfit stand out on a magazine cover. Emilio's was very sexy and I loved that whipped out his scissors and snipped those spaghetti straps right off. I wasn't wild about his color, it was too burgundy for me. I would have preferred a brighter red. Ben's bright combinations should have won. They really popped and the textures were interesting. The belt was nice too. Anthony's was nice and flowing, but it didn't have the vibrancy of Ben's. Jonathan's superheroine-hooker look was good for a laugh. Isn't Ben the one who worked in comic books?

It was a close call for elimination between Jeaneane (bridesmaid at the wedding of the Little Mermaid) and Ana (pregnant teeny bopper on the way to the beach in Datoyna). They both didn't have long for this world.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 3: The Ping and Jessie Show

I was surprised at the outcome of this week's Project Runway because the judges were slamming Ping for the same Drapey McDrapperson dress they praised in the first go-round. The model had that same long extension of fabric flung over her arm and she looked like a little girl playing dress-up. But it was fun to watch Ping and Jessie fight when they had to work as a team. You could tell it was coming when the pixie-ish designer said in one of those "confession" interviews about being a team captain: "I'm very good at giving clear instructions" and then when she was actually called on to lead, she was like the proverbial designer chicken with its couture head cut off. I did like her glasses, BTW. In the end the elimination choice was between kooky Ping and funny Anthony. Funny was safe and kooky bit the arsenic cookie.

Another highlight was seeing the contestants on the brink of tears when in the presence of the classic gowns at the Met. I get the same way when I find a mint-condition Batman comic.

So I'm glad Ping was finally ponged and that the young model pointed out she didn't even fit the dress on her. I bet the models have been told off-camera by the producers "If something dramatic is going on, be sure to bitch about on the runway--or scrunch up your face so Heidi will say 'You look like you're bursting to say something.'" The same with the designers when chosing their models--Jesus just had to say something about Sophia being "difficult" because of her allergy.

Which leads me to say I'm actually not hating Models on the Runway this season. This group of ladies is actually interesting compared to the Barbies last time. I really like the older-vs.-younger-model dynamic with Brandise (love the name), Sophia, and that Irish girl going out for drinks while the little kids stay at home and whine about how nobody likes them and begging for a hug. (I also love to hear the Irish girl talk. Her accent is great.) It's also spikier with the designers not always chosing the same model, so at least there's a modicum of suspense. These designers have no loyalty which is fantastic because it shows they don't give a shit about the models' feelings--they want to win!

Back to the main stuff: Mila's jacket did deserve a win. She and Jay are emerging as consistantly strong. But I'll bet Mila's teammate Jonathan was pissed that she won because he did all the work--and she didn't even thank him, at least not on camera. Also Maya seemed to be the leader of her team even though Jay was the titular captain. Her Jane-Jetson-at-the-Miss-Galaxy-pageant gown was very risky. It could very easily have become a supervillainness costume from Star Trek, but it was elegant without going over the top.

Speaking of fashion, earlier this week I watched Unzipped, the documentary on Isaac Mizrahi. It trailed the designer while he put together a new collection and all the work that goes into mounting the show. One of his conceits was to have a scrim in front of the backstage area so that when lights shone through it, you could see the mayhem of the dressers and models scrambling to make their entrances. Just as the camera was taking us behind the scenes, so was Mizrahi. It was a fun and quirky look behind the curtain of a glamorous world. You would see the camera crew in many shots. The director--too lazy to look it up--filmed mostly in black and white and at odd angles, sometimes using grainy film. It offered a weird perspective. Also ironic that Mizrahi's label went bankrupt a few years later and then he was designing for Target. Now he's doing Project Runway knock-offs--will that thing ever come back? It least it was better than Launch My Line.

More reality is on the way with Kell on Earth and the return of Shear Genius from Bravo and of course, The Amazing Race on Valentine's Day.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 2: Burlap Dance

Remember that episode of I Love Lucy where Ricky and Fred give Lucy and Ethel burlap sacks as if they were Paris fashions and the girls wear them, are seen by a designer who steals the idea and creates a line of burlap? They stole the idea for this week's Project Runway. They should have at least given credit to the source. I wonder who comes up with the challenges? Is it Heidi? Does Tim have a say? Or is it all unseen producers?

So the challenge was to make a industry-party-worthy dress out of potato sacks. This time the models got to choose their designers. I think Alexis picked Anthony because she thought she could push him around. Milla who worked with Alexis the previous week, lucked out and came up with a winner.

Once again Ping made a dress-up outfit worthy of a six-year-old. Her teenage model looked like a bag of potato chips with the ass hanging out.

I liked Jonathan and Seth Allen's looks best--particularly Jonathan's understated print--but of course the judges went for far-out Milla's sleek, futuristic look and Jay's feather-explosion. I'll bet the people in the middle will eventually emerge as the strongest with Seth Allen definitely finishing strongly. Jesus and Ping will continue to scrape the bottom of the barrel until all the drab bland people are gone (like Pamela who did make her model's ass look big, but she made a better dress than Jesus or Ping did). Then their cute, funny but amateurish asses will aufed before you can say "Weird or cute, you're time is up." Jesus looked just adorable on the runway with his sweet little bow-tie, but honey, you should pay more attention to the model's outfit than your own.

Second-place Amy should have won. Her piece had a light, soft look and the skirt was innovative.

Guest judge Lauren Hutton scared me with her stretched-tight face. And would it have killed you to dress up a little? She looked like she was about to go shopping at the Darien A&P for steaks for Labor Day weekend.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 1: Ping-a-Ling

Back to the the runway for Season 7 and at least they wised up and returned to New York. But why did they keep Models of the Runway? Who cares about the models? Now we'll have another season of no challenges with real people, which is what made the previous seasons 1-5 interesting--the interaction between the designers and non-models. Remember Jeffrey making what's-her-name's mother cry? And Christian clashing with the high-school girl during the prom challenge? And the final five in Season 1 making a new look for each other? It added spice. I couldn't care less about these human coat-hangers developing friendships with the contestants.

Well, at least we're back in the Big Apple and Michael and Nina will be on every episode like they belong. This bunch also seems a lot more interesting and talented than Season 6's group. I can't remember one good dress that sorry lot turned out. This bunch at least makes bold choices and uses color. The first episode featured the by-now standard express-yourself challenge where the designers must make something that says who they are. We found out right away who Ping is: the resident nut job. Sometimes the contestant filling the kook slot is aufed right away as in the punk rock girl from season 6. Sometimes she hangs on for a few episodes for humor value--like the hippie chick who liked to spit on her dresses to "bless" them with her essence and made that disaster which pooped fabric on the first challenge. But this time the wack-a-doodle judges actually liked Ping's eccentric design and put her in the top three. Seriously, Nicole Ritchie, you would wear that? Maybe after a few dozen cocktails. I thought Ping's model looked like a little girl who grabbed everything in her mommy's closet and threw it on in a misguided attempt at dress up. And BTW, is she so poor that she can't even afford a dress form and has to put all of her designs on herself? How does she pin anything? Oh yeah, she doesn't, she just drapes.

Okay, maybe I'm being a tad harsh. I later figured out when they edited the runway show, we didn't get to see the full effect with that plaid snood thing. We only saw that on the model's arm and I wondered what the hell it was supposed to be. So we'll see if Ping continues to impress the judges with her way-out style. I think she's going to run out of luck and will not last long.

Anthony is another Runway character made to order--the loud, funny, queeny guy who can't shut up. I loved it when he started gushing about how relieved he was not to be eliminated and Heidi told him to get off the runway before she changed her mind. That snapped his trap shut real quick. And what was that enormous appendage on the side of his dress? A colostomy bag?

Seth Allen is the bad boy in the mold of Jeffrey. I absolutely LOVED what he was wearing on the runway, a lot more than his MTV-Awards-in-Japan outfit with that red zipper and the uneven straps. Janeanne is the overly sensitive girl who cries at the drop of a stitch. I predict big conflicts and an ocean of tears from her.

Hated Jesus's train which would have looked even weirder if he kept the dress short. Should have kept it short and lost the train, would have worked a lot better. Everyone commented on the seam. Jesse's jacket worked very well and was very smart. Christina's piece was poorly constructed and showed every pucker. She did deserve to go home and Emilio demonstrated he has solid skills with his winning multi-layered party dress.

We've also got a new catchphrase--"hanger appeal." And the winner doesn't get a car this time? I guess they couldn't get an automobile sponsor. I haven't watched Models on the Runway yet and will give it a fair trial, but I will probably just not DVR it this time. I have better things to do with those 23 minutes like find old Hanna Barbera cartoons on YouTube.

Project Runway: Finale, Yawn!

I've been busy having a real life so I haven't blogged in a few weeks. Project Runway came to end and like the rest of this first season on Lifetime, the last few episodes were a big yawn. What a disappointment that the first season I blogged about was so lackluster. While visiting my family in Phila., I was chatting about how bad it was and my dad mentioned that he had read the reason Nina Garcia was not a judge for so many of the episodes was that she had to go to Paris and Milan for the fashion shows, so they sent people further down on the masthead at Marie Claire. He was reading this in a magazine while waiting for the steamroom at his gym.

Anyway, I was so glad they aufed pretty boys Logan and Christopher. Though the episode where Logan finally bit the dust, I would not have objected to Gordana taking the pipe. Her outfit was so drab compared to Logan's zipper-crazy thing.

In the two-part finale, it was kinda dull because Tim Gunn only had to go to Long Island and Manhattan to visit Carol Hannah and Irina. The furthest he had to fly was Ohio to see Althea. I wonder if he looks forward to these trips--sitting in the Cleveland airport, probably having to change planes somewhere, then renting the car, and meeting the film crew, having dinner with the folks. I did think Carol Hannah's mother was very pretty and Irina's dad was handsome as a young man in that old photo.

None of the three collections did anything for me. The gown with the long train was the only thing I liked about Althea's. Irina's was too costume-y (Tim's critique) with all the S&M stuff and those goofy hats. I did like the T-shirts, but there weren't enough of them and you couldn't see them too well. At least Carol Hannah's had some color and I don't care if it didn't tell a story--it didn't put me to sleep like the other two.

My friend Lydia joked that she thought that fashion critic-judge from the International Herald Tribune looked like Aunt Harriet on Batman (Madge Blake for you trivia buffs). But I loved her leopard skin outfit. Tres chic, Aunt Harriet. Getting ready for your date with Liberace?

Now that the whole painful thing is over we can look forward to season seven which is right around the corner on Jan. 14. I pray they will drop Models of the Runway, but I have a bad feeling it's Heidi's baby and she wants to keep it. The final episode of the Models was nothing but a clip-fest. I didn't care about the models, if I did I'd watch Tyra Banks. Because of them, there was only one non-model challenge using "real people"--the divorcee one. Having nonprofessionals to design for was what gave the Bravo Project Runway variety. Hopefully, we will be getting some more and a more dynamic group of contestants next time.

Project Runway Episodes 4 and 5

I just realized that they will be using the models on every episode of Project Runway this season. They'll have to in order to make the Models of the Runway show make sense. So that means there won't be any challenges as in previous seasons like the one where they used each other's mothers or sisters (and Jeffrey made some mother cry) or wrestling divas or high school girls going to their prom. Well, maybe they will, but how will they make it work if they have to have this big elimination ceremony of the models every week. I don't see it happening.

Anyway last week has been so busy I didn't have a chance to critique the last episode. Not very exciting, I liked the winning dress, but preferred Louise's number, particularly the high collar. Fatma really brought it off. She is being portrayed as the bitch on the Model show, but I really don't care. She is the best walker and the best looking model. I couldn't believe this week's model show with some crying because their friend was not chosen. Who cares? And what happened to Nina Garcia and Michael Kors the last few weeks? I prefer them to that mummified corpse of a designer they had as a judge last week.

This week the contestants had to make a garment out of newspaper. Johnny utterly failed and then lied to everyone about his first attempt being ruined by a steam iron. Then he cried about how hard it is to be a recovering addict. Then an absolute first, Tim actually badmouthed a contestant after he sent him up to the workroom to clean out his space. I have never seen Tim do that before. Nicholas was a little bitchy and he didn't need to rat Johnny out on the runway, but it did make for drama. BTW, I bought the new comic book Models Inc. which included a feature with Tim Gunn putting on Iron Man's costume and defeating some bad guys who attempt to rob a fashion museum. Definitely cool having a gay icon become a superhero. The art was a lot of fun. I also bought the first two of the series of Archie comics with him marrying Veronica. I get the feeling the whole thing will be a dream, because it begins with Archie walking "up" memory lane and in the second issue Veronica announces she's pregnant. Maybe they go through their whole lives and Archie wakes up as he's about to graduate high school.

Amazing Race 15 starts a week from Sunday. I checked out the new teams on the CBS website. They don't look particularly exciting, but there is a pair of gay brothers and an interracial married couple.

Project Runway Episode 3

It's official. I don't get the taste of the judges. This week they singled out the Ra'mon-Mithcell team as having the best design, and I did like the beachwear outfit, but what is up with the avant-garde look? I found it ugly. It was shapeless and that splash of green was not flattering. I could tell that either Mitchell or the Qrystal-Epperson team would be eliminated since they had so much screen time. Now we seem to be spending more time with the losers and all the critiques from Tim Gunn are going by really fast. (You can see extended ones on the Lifetime website).


Meanwhile Fatma is emerging as the evil girl on the model show. She's the only one I can remember from week to week because she is the most beautiful and the one with any sort of personality. It seems they are manufacturing drama on that show. The big deal was a minor exchange of attitude between Fatma and Vanessa over the now-departed Mitchell. Can't really get excited about that.



I can get excited over the new season of Amazing Race which is reportedly started in a few weeks. I will have to check out the CBS website. Now I will have two reality shows with which to be obsessed. Though I have never tried to be on Project Runway I did send in an audition tape to Amazing Race. My friend Diane and I made a tape and filled out these endless forms and everything. We sent them in and of course, nothing happened. I guess our story wasn't compelling enough.

Project Runway Episode 2: Pregnant with Possibilities; with Diversions to Top Chef and Rachel Zoe

Mitchell has GOT to go. For the second week in a row, he had an interesting idea but executed it sloppily--is that a word? It's a good concept to do a fun maternity look, but he made the model look like a trailer-trash housewife on her way to the Walmart to pick up some beer and pretzels for the weekend tailgate party. And those shorts were ridiculously unflattering. He's very cute and that may be why he's still hanging around. Which leads us to Fatma's reaction on Models of the Runway when Mitchell picked her. It's was very funny and my favorite line of either the main show or the model show so far this season is when Mitchell did not get eliminated and one of the girls watching said "Oh no--he's a model-jumper!" A new phrase is invited. Model-jumper: a person who is not loyal to his or her model but will pick another one at the first opportunity. Mitchell was right to pick Fatma since he had the chance and she is the most striking looking of the models. But he's got to pick up his game. My bet is he'll be gone within two episodes. I think they keep some pretty bad designers just for the drama. I also think Heidi's stern warning to him was added for even more drama. Too bad she couldn't use that catchphrase from the Fashion Show--"You're hanging by a thread." But there was some agreement in the lawsuit with Bravo that they couldn't steal each other's catchphrases. It's in paragraph 27, clause 32.

Malvin did deserve to be eliminated, that chicken-egg thing just didn't work and that was more of a bowling-ball look than Ra'mon's. Shirin's winning design was elegance incarnate and it didn't accentuate the pregnancy, but artfully concealed it, especially with the jacket which was lined with a lovely print.

There are still too many designers to get them all differentiated in my mind and they don't have particularly strong personalities. I am eagerly awaiting Tim Gunn's apearance in the Models Inc. comic book--If I haven't missed it already. I bought the new Archie comic with the proposal to Veronica for my friend Lydia.

Meanwhile, I'm still on vacation till Labor Day so I have been able to watch Top Chef and The Rachel Zoe Project, the remaining interesting shows on Bravo. On Rachel Zoe--I am sick of Taylor. OK, I get it. You're not happy basically being a clerk to Rachel and so you bagged the Golden Globes viewing party. Rachel is not a good communicator and her problem is treating her staff like friends. She needs to be the boss and tell Taylor to shape up and drop the attitude. And also discuss why she needs them to be upstairs. My favorite line of the episode: Brad: "We have to be strategic in our planning, but we're not strategic people." It was fascinating to see how much work goes into putting together a red-carpet look and how the award shows are all about glamour and fashion rather than honoring excellent acting--at least for the whole industry that grown up around it and which Rachel exemplifies. Anne Hathway is an interesting example of an actress who straddles fashion and acting. She in all into the red carpet, but when it's appropriate, she can be a regular person. I saw her at the Obie Awards presenting an award for lifetime achievement to Earle Hyman and she was dresses very casually, sedately, yet tastefully. She was about to appear in Twelfth Night in Central Park and you could tell she was honored to be included in this non-glamour event celebrating a great actor. It wasn't on TV and there was no red carpet.

Have caught two Top Chefs episodes and it looks like Kevin is the force to be reckoned with. The two competing brothers are cute, but kinda lifeless.

Project Runway's New Season

Project Runway finally started its new season and it was weird to watch it on ultra-girly Lifetime after five seasons on gay-male-friendly Bravo. The commercials were so different. On Bravo we had ads for booze and male enchantment pills. On Lifetime, anti-depression pills, chick flicks and hairspray. Anyway, it was a relief to see see Tim and Heidi after that lame "Fashion Show" knock-off with Isaac Mizrahi and that woman whose name I never caught. Who was she anyway? The work on Fashion Show was pretty lame. The only thing I can remember was the pleating on one dress and that annoying nutcase Merlin.

Thoughts on the new season: The All-Star Challenge. They obviously chose people for their personalities but why include Jeffrey if the whole point was to get someone to win who was passed over before? Katho was right, she should have won. Daniel's red-carpet dress was indeed a great, edgy look for the Grammys or the VMAs, but the rest of his collection didn't send me. Kotho's work was more consistant, attractive, and wearable, especially the restaurant-challenge look which was really pretty. Chris's sportwear was interesting, but who would wear it? I think the judges go for out-there, avant garde stuff which looks great on the runway but no one is going to buy. Witness Christian winning for his outer-space whack job collection with all those weird ruffles and headpieces.

The first episode: Too early to pick favorites and too many to keep track of. I knew the first one to be eliminated would be either Ari or Mitchell since they gave them so much screen time. Seriously what was up with Ari's "What if you don't sketch?" She was in the running for resident weirdo, like the one from Season 4 (I think) who made the dress that was pooping fabric in the very first challenge. And even if Mitchell did have the wrong measurements for his model, he still should have made an undergarment. Ari's outfit was totally inappropriate for the challenge, but at least it was well made and had a point of view. Sidenote: Did Qrystal's mother spell her name that way on the birth certificate?

Models of the Runway: Trying to cash in on the America's Next Top Model trend. Kinda fun but they are making too much of a big deal out of the "Choosing your model" ceremony. But at least that means they won't take up time with it in the regular show so there will be more high drama with the designers.