Taking Down the Christmas Tree on Presidents' Day Weekend

Yeah, you read that right. I did not put away our mid-size artifical Christmas tree until this weekend. So sue me, to quote Nathan Detroit. I got better things to do, like stay in bed and complain, to quote Judy Tenuta. (Whatever happened to her?) I have not been to our upstate place in a while so we just left the tree standing. Removing the ornaments brings back memories because so many of them are from trips we've taken: a lobster from Provincetown on Cape Cod; a pineapple from Honolulu; a stuffed doll figure of Henry VIII from the Tower of London; Spongebob Squarepants and Capt. America from Universal Islands of Adventures and a Mickey Mouse from Disney World; a crayfish and some Mardi Gras beads from Santa's Quarters on Decatur Street in New Orleans. There are also a set of portaits of Batman, Robin, Catwoman, and the Joker, as well as Sylvester carrying a load of presents with Tweetie on top. There are also figures of Spiderman and several different Santa Clauses as well as Renaissance-type archangels. On top is a Father Christmas figure. I remember a Presidents' Day weekend about three years ago, I should have been working on my book about George C. Scott, but I goofed off and watched a Project Runway marathon. It was from season two, before I was obsessed with it. I watched several episodes I hadn't seen before.

Presidents' Day also had me thinking about Richard Nixon. Jerry went to see the Met HD broadcast of Nixon in China and I had seen the premiere live just before we went to Florida. From age 9 to 16, Richard Nixon was president and how I hated him. I remember my sister saying if he were elected in 1968 he would make us go to school on Saturdays. During the Watergate scandal, I yearned for his impeachment and we wathced the hearings avidly all during that summer of 1974. He was the boogey man, the evil villain taking advantage of his power and betraying the trust of the American people. I remember several years after he resigned--I was so angry that he stepped down rather than allowing us the magnificent spectacle of a trial in the senate--he showed up on Nightline with Ted Koppel. I screamed as if I had seen a ghost and I had. His hair was white and he was noticably older.

Now John Adams' opera shows a more human figure, pathetically singing of his days in the navy running a snack bar and selling the guys hamburgers and beer, desperately wanting them to like him. In 100 years, is this how Nixon will be remembered? Yes there is Oliver Stone's movie with Anthony Hopkins as a troll-like co-conspirator, but the opera may survive it and be performed around the world. How will this era be seen?

Nixon in China got me interested in hearing more modern opera and I looked up Einstein on the Beach on YouTube. It is hauntingly beautiful, but I doubt if I could take five hours of it. Robert Wilson's productions look fascinating, but I think his main esthetic is visual since he is also a designer, and not dramatic, so his productions look good but don't move you.

Project Runway Season 8: Finale--Miscarriage of Justice

A week later I finally caught up with the Project Runway finale and did my imitation of Edvard Munch's The Scream when the winner was announced. All I can say is Tim Gunn was right about the judges smoking crack. What happened between the stand-off between the Nina Garcia-Michael Kors faction and the Heidi-Jessica Simpson alliance when they said they were deadlocked and then Gretchen being declared the winner? Did Nina say, "Jessica is only a guest judge and Michael and I are more important"? I was really stunned because Mondo definitely deserved to win. The two people who would actually be wearing the clothes--Heidi and Jessica--favored Mondo, but Michael and Nina were saying Gretchen's snoozefest would sell more easily at the local J.C. Penny's.

This does not make any sense and is totally inconsistant with past seasons. Last year, for instance, the judges crowned Seth Aaron's Third Reich parade in front of Der Feurher over Emilio's very wearable and pretty collection. Nina even said in the reunion show when Emilio tearfully asked why he lost that his was a "line" rather than a collection, meaning it was too everyday. Gretchen's was definitely everyday while Mondo's was a wild, fun party--so what if it was too young, Nina. Then there was Katho whose stylish yet flattering looks lost to that shy girl--can't remember her name--with the art-school concept-y wave things. (I did like them but who would wear them except to a costume party?) And let's not forget Christian's all-black, high-couture whacky train wreck with those enormous hats. I can just see wearing one of those to the Pathmark. Obviously, Michael and Nina decided being on-trend and safe was more important this time than taking a risk.

I think the real reason for their choice was those two were pissed off that Mondo did not listen to them about the circus and kept the headpieces and the bubble dress which everybody else including Heidi thought was fabulous. They rewarded Gretchen for listening to them by heightening the styling. They praised the styling but doesn't that say that the clothes themselves need help?

IMHO, Gretchen had one or two nice outfits you could wear while shopping on a summer day in Darien, Conn. or to an afternoon tea party on Cape Cod. Mondo's looks were exciting and different and definitely his own. Gretchen's were bland and that jewelry was meh. As Heidi said, it's a fashion show, not a jewelry show.

And what were those voluminous cargo pants Andy was wearing? He had some cute outfits, but they were too similar--his models looks like high-fashion elves with all that green and those star headthingies.

Catching Up with Reality--Project Runway, The Amazing Race and The A List

Real life has kept me from keeping up with reality TV. Project Runway is almost over and the Amazing Racers have run from Ghana to the Arctic Circle. Plus those shallow idiots on the A List New York are hot for the most part, but what a waste of pecs. All they do is bitch about what big fame whores the others are and which restaurants they can get into. They're all pretty ridic. Even I, a fame whore if ever there was one, got tired of them after one episode.

Project Runway is just about wrapped up with the final three chosen and fashion week just a few days away. I felt glad for Tim who got to visit Hawaii this time on his home visits. Usually he winds up in some unexotic place like Portland. I just finished reading his new book and he spent a great deal of time in Asia when he was working at Parsons so he must have been to Hawaii at some point. Anyway, he was visiting Andy who had done hardly anything since his textiles hadn't arrived from Laos until a few days ago. He talked a good game, but the results were disappointing for me. What was up with that bikini cape thing? The model looked like she had escaped from Victoria's Secret.

I loved it when Nina called Gretchen's samples from her collection Crunchy Granola. I thought what Gretchen was wearing was a lot chicer and more interesting than anything on her models. Her new look was drab--that green,ugh--and resembled a potato sack. Mondo was the only one who was totally safe. I loved his polka-dot evening gown. Even the little headdresses that Nina and Michael thought were too circus-y I thought worked. I would have aufed either Andy or Gretchen rather than Michael C. The main complaint seemed to be that his clothes were all the same color. That's not so bad. He reacted like they were killing his baby when he lost. "What am I gonna tell my family," he moaned. There seems to be a lot of backstory there what with the kid and the partner and the unsupportive parents who think he should be a truck driver or something. He seems to have been married before then came out as both gay and a fashion desinger.

Meanwhile on the Amazing Race, the budget cuts showed when the teams stayed in Accra, Ghana for two episodes. I really hoped the cute Glee nerds would stay. They showed their intelligence by being the only team to figure out the word-search challenge, but then Johnny's lack of athletic skill tripped them up in Sweden.

I figured out why there are so many blondes. They are probably getting a lot of pressure for an all-female team to win. So they've got a lot of strong women who just happen to be blonde. I think Team Salesmanship has the best chance to take it and I don't hate them. I don't hate any team this season and that takes some of the fun out of it. I guess the only one I kinda hate is the buff boyfriend guy cause he's been so arrogant, but he's not that bad--so I don't hate him like I hated Rob and Amber or the frat boys who lost to the hippies.

Here's a quick summary and if I feel like it I'll go deeper into episodes 2,3, and 4, but it's late and episode 5 is tomorrow, so I'll try to give a better blog on that one.

Day 3--Drive to London, six-hour flight to Accra, Ghana

Day 4--Arrive Accra, sell sunglasses, etc.

Day 5--Remain in Accra, Glee nerds win

Day 6--Flight to Frankfurt

Day 7--Arrive in Lapland

Project Runway Season 8: Episodes 8 and 9: Battle for Most Hideous

The designers should know by now that if they are given two days for a challenge, there's going to be a big twist coming. For Episode 9 they had to create a whole second look--ready to wear based on their couture design. Ironically Michael C. whom everyone thinks is a lousy craftsman was already almost finished with his burgundy train wreck. So he was in the clear. It's also funny that even though he was in the bottom, the judges still said it was a well-made train wreck while Ivy and Valerie, the nasty naysayers of Michael C. from Team Luxe, had crappily made train wrecks. Ivy's was really bad with this blue material that looked like crepe paper sloppily attached. It looked like a little girl's Halloween costume. Valerie wasn't much better. I liked the outfit she was wearing better. She cried because she was saved rather than Ivy.

Last week was confusion city behind the scenes according the Tim Gunn's vlog--which was taken off of Facebook, did you notice that? The producers originally had Tim report to a dance studio for a dance-based challenge and no one was there! After some frantic calls, he reported to some historical gallery where they were to do the Jackie O challenge. And even that was screwed up because they wanted American sportswear and according to Tim, she mostly wore European sportswear.

Anyway, Ivy redeemed herself, temporarily with a sheer top and flowing pantsuit. I loved the asymmetrical neckline. But she slipped up this week and now is gone.

Project Runway Season 8: Episode 7--The Last Resort

The highlight of this week's Project Runway was seeing Tim Gunn in a full business suit on that boat while the designers looked like a whore convention, especially Andy who resembled a Native American slut bucket with that Mohawk and Cher ear jewelry. The challenge was to create a resortwear outfit. The twist was they had to have another designer execute their look and vice versa. That's a good idea in fact, because a big time designer does not sew his or her own dresses. Can you imagine Betsy Johnson or Vivian Westwood at a sewing machine? I think not.

It appeared Michael C. was like the kid who always gets picked last for volleyball. In spite of his two wins, no one wanted him because if his alleged poor skills. But Mondo realized he wasn't so bad and they bonded, actually hugging by the end with Mondo apologizing for being such a bitch--I can't picture Gretchen or Ivy doing such a thing. Speaking of Ivy, she should have been the one to have been ripped off the walls (that's a pun on her name, hon). She can't blame Michael D. for her poor choice of fabrics or her ho-hum design. Her model looked like a protester at an Earth Day demonstration in 1971. That color was so blah and the blouse looked like a moo-moo on Kathy Griffin's mom (OK that was probably Michael D.'s fault, but what the hell.)

The bottom two were Ivy and Casanova, and though Casanova's work would have more appropriate for Rue McClanahan at a Florida cocktail party for seniors than at a beach in San Paolo, at least it had a certain amount of flair. And why does Casanova rate an entire clip montage when he's auffed? He wasn't that charismatic. I did like Andy's sexy bathing suit and wrap over April's punk baby doll. I loved Michael D.'s piece esp. with the asymmetrical back, I think those are always interesting.

Ivy is going down soon. I think it's interesting that all the people at the top in early episodes like Gretchen and Valerie are now in the middle most of the time and people on the bottom previously like April and Michael D. are coming out on top.

And if I hear the phrase "throwing him under the bus" one more time, I'll scream. Can't they come up with another way to describe backstabbing? How about, kicking him in the bajangas?

Project Runway 8--The Story So Far

I've been on vacation for most of August and catching up with work, so I haven't had a chance to comment on the new season of Project Runway. After viewing episode six in real time, I am finally up to date. Since we are now about halfway through the series, I wondered if it was even worth it to start talking about it here, but rather than go over each episode, I'll give my impressions of the first six here and then go episode by episode.

In his vlog Tim Gunn said he thought the judges were smoking crack this season because of some of their wacky decisions and I have to agree with him. In the very first episode they kept Jason and Casanova who made monstrosities and kept McKale whose look was rather cute. I believe they were told by the producers, "Jason is a straight guy and we need at least one and Casanova is a major drama queen, so he'll be this season's Santino. Keep them and ditch the vanilla girl.Besides we'll send her back to her baby at home and that will make us look good." (Although I only found out about that from Tim's vlog.)

In the second episode, the judges continued with their crack-smoking by choosing Gretchen as the winner when it should have been Valerie. Gretchen's jump suit was clean but not as exciting as Valerie's. And thank God they got rid of Jason who blamed being a straight guy in a gay man's world for his shortcomings. His silver Lost in Space uniform with the safetypins was obviously a piece of crap. But why did they have to get rid of two people that week? I do like having as many designers as possible--I think 17 is the most they've ever had. I also like to 90-minute format, it gives more time for Tim's critiques.

The party challenge was fun and I thought Michael C.'s flamenco dress from plastic cups was very pretty. Maybe he's not the best seamstress, but he does have good taste and good ideas--in spite of everyone else's mean attitude towards him. The African-American woman's (forgot her name, too lazy to look it up) dress was a real mess--the hem was awful--and I was surprised she wasn't on the bottom. Did they want to get rid of one of the two tall blondes that time?

I had to agree with the judges somewhat on the hat challenge. Christopher's heavy hostess outfit was a bit much, but it did not deserve to be in the bottom. Michael C.'s Hispanic spitfire gown was a little simple, but it work with the hat. I thought the other Michael's farmer-sun thing looked like cardboard.

Then it was the clusterfuck of Team Luxe versus the Misfit Toys and their military lace collection which I loved. It was cohesive and unified without hitting you over the head--or "matchy-matchy" as Nina likes to say. Gretchen took the cake in backstabbing. I couldn't believe the whole tearful team vow not to betray each other and then as soon as they get on the runway they throw Michael C. under the bus because he has immunity. He proceeds to cry like a little girl. Bravo to Tim for ripping Gretchen a new one.

Michael C. shocked everyone again with his slutty remake of the bridesmaid's outfit.
But how much longer will he be able to get by the judges?

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 14: The Final Runway Show

Season 7 of Project Runway wrapped up with the final runway show and the last three designers bitching about each other's collection. Emilio called Mila's black-and-white 60s fest "severe" and "demure." How is it possible to be both at the same time? Mila's designs were somewhat predictable but they were very well made. She took the judges' advice and roughed up the models. I particularly liked that spy trench coat Brandeis was wearing and the mini-glitter cocktail skirt was Mila's best piece.

Seth Aaron took Tim's advice too literally and made his ho-hum collection into Nazis on parade, stating his inspiration as Russian and German military garb. The perfect ensemble for the next time you attend a Nuremberg rally. All of his models looked like Veronika Voss with fat lips or like they were about to burst into Lili Marlene. One girl resembled a piece of black forest chocolate cake. Another was a black widow spider. And why did Seth Aaron's hair make him look like he was wearing earmuffs?

In spite of his bragging, Emilio's designs impressed me the most. They were very wearable and cohesive with the matching shades of red and blue. I like that he went from daywear to evening wear.

I heard that the producers had to pay for a total of 10 collections because Fashion Week occured when there were 10 designers still on the show. I will try to find footage of the decoy designers. I wonder how they worked it. Did they all have to run abd be in the audience when the others were on so no one could figure out who was a finalist?

Anyway, once again, the judges go for the weird over the wearable by picking Seth Aaron over Emilio. Emilio breaks down and Seth Aaron's family greets him on the runway. I wonder what Seth's teenage son told his friends at school?

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 13: Mila-Jay Face Off

Okay, it's really Part 1 of the season finale, but I want to call it Episode 13. Another expense account trip for Tim Gunn to Vancouver, WA, and then Los Angeles and San Francisco to visit the designers as they work on their collections. For some reason, he goes to Washington state first, then NY, then LA and SF. Why not just fly to Seattle or wherever, then go to California, and then then fly back to NYC to bitch with Emilio. Maybe it was Tim's schedule. I just saw on his facebook page that he's writing a book and making appearances all over the place.

Anyway, Tim first arrives at Seth Aaron's modest little cottage in Vancouver which apparently has a squirrel problem (did you notice the Warning: Attack Squirrel sign?) We see that Seth has produced like 5,000 dresses and Tim hates them all. Well, he doesn't hate them, they're just the same old Seth Aaron thing and Tim bluntly tells a crestfallen Seth he won't win with this sorry-ass collection. In the promo, they fooled us into thinking that's what he told Emilio after saying "You do what you want." After picking his ego off the floor, Seth Aaron introduces Tim to his wife and kids and they all play Pictionary. Then they take take Tim out into the backyard and force him to jump on the trampoline. Funny, you don't think of fashion designers has having houses in the suburbs with wives and adoloscent kids.

Then we're treated to stock footage of the Bronx in the 1970s to give us an idea of Emilio's tortured childhood which still doesn't explain the weird print dress and the washer-strewn bikini. Tim meets Emilio's brothers underneath a bridge as if they're doing a drug deal. What, they didn't have time for a meal at home or even a restaurant? Emilio steps into his time machine and shows Tim his collection from 1943. This is the part where Tim says "You do what you want" and Emilio gets all Kenley on his ass and says Tim doesn't know what he's talking about because he doesn't wear women's clothes. WHAT? That's like when Lou and Edie Grant went to a marriage counselor on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Lou was pissed that the counsellor had never been married so how could he know anything about marital problems. The counsellor replies "You don't have to be a whale to write Moby Dick." (I hope you enjoyed that little trip into my mind, that's just the way it works.)

Next Tim racks up more frequent flyer miles to Los Angeles and Mila displays her work, It's all geometric and black and white (WHAT A SURPRISE!) Her inspiration is shadows. How cheerful! Tim accurately dubbed the collection matronly and gives Mila Laura Bush's phone number since she would be the ideal client. Mila then introduces her family and boyfriend to Tim. Even the goddamn dog is black and white! Was Mila frightened by a color TV as a child?

Tim takes the short flight or the long train ride like in that episode of Big Bang Theory (Don't you think Sheldon is gay, but I digress) to visit Jay who has made a Blade Runner-Doctor Who collection with outer-space sleeves. Tim loves most of it but asks "What the fuck is up with these ribbons for sleeves?" Jay and Mila then give Best Supporting Actress Oscar performances as they cry about how much they want to win. M'onique and Cloris Leachman play them in the movie version.

In New York, the final four occupy the same suite. Tim greets everyone and did you notice Emilio did not go to hug him like everyone else and just shook his hand?

Jay and Mila play out a "talking it out" scene which looks like they're in an Ingmar Bergman movie. After making up, they are told they have three hours to prepare for their presentation. Mila makes the brilliant observation, "Jay's got color. Not good for me." DUH! Did she honestly think everyone else was a black and white as her?

The final smackdown is very close. Mila is too retro, but the looks are very cohesive and well-tailored. The spangled cocktail dress is very pretty and goes with the other two items which look like Mila's mother wore them 40 years ago. Jay is the other extreme with techno Judy Jetson looks and epaulets everywhere. Heidi wants Mila. Michael wants Jay. Nina is on the fence. Heidi must has threatened to auf the other two during the break because Mila wins. Jay gives another brilliant Oscar winning performance as he ungraciously accepts defeat and bursts into tears. But we all know his collection will be shown at the tents, it just won't be on TV. I'm sure it will be on YouTube somewhere. Next week is the final runway show.

Project Runway Season 7: Episodes 11 and 12--Costume Party

There were so many twists and turns in Episode 11 of Project Runway I needed a full week to recover from the whiplash. First Maya dropped out, then Valerie took that DKNY job after turning it down the previous week. That really freaked me since she gave such an Best-Supporting-Actress-Oscar performance on the runway in her big speech to Seth Aaron about how much faith she had in him and would be anything to stay with him all the way to Bryant Park. But then I saw on Models of the Runway where they offered her double her usual fee and I couldn't really blame her for taking the job. Then Seth Aaron basically told me to fuck off when he addressed the viewers about Maya's leaving. "We all work so hard and are under such pressure, so anyone watching this and passing judgement on Maya can f--k off!" Well, screw you right back, Seth Aaron with your zippers and tailoring. I'm an American citizen and it's my God-given right to pass judgement on anyone whose kisser is on my TV machine! I'm more with Emilio who said "Quitters never win." Yeah, I hope Sarah Palin was watching.

So Anthony comes on to replace Maya and right away quotes "Gypsy" so I know we're back on the right course. (I think I'll make a separate blog about references to musical comedy in more mainstream culture that only gays will get.) The challenge was a red carpet dress for Heidi. How original and didn't they already do a make-a-dress-for-Heidi challenge? The guest judge was Jessica Alba, such a big star (NOT! what has she been in besides those Fantastic Four movies?) and she showed her lack of taste by gushing over Anthony's meh! drapey thing. I didn't find it exciting at all. Emilio did deserve to win with his glittery copper gown. We found out a little bit too much about Jay's big-butt fetish. Jonathan's shower curtain with a couple red towels on it got him eliminated and he really did deserve it this time. Irish Carrie who took Valeria's place was bounced for the second time in a row, so she went out and got drunk with Brandise ("Yiz can kiss me arse").

Episode 12 sent the remaining five designers to the circus where Jay ogled the acrobats' pecs. This was actually fun and there used to more instances of field trips (even flights to Paris) and weird challenges like designing costumes for ice skaters, female wrestlers, drag queens, postal workers, beauty pageant contestants,and relatives of the other designers. There should be more challenges like that. The idea was to design a dress influenced by the circus, but Seth Aaron and Mila made costumes FOR the circus. Both their outfits looked like they had taken too many drugs after viewing the new Alice in Wonderland movie. What's with those long sleeves, Seth? And Mila's model looked like she was auditioning to play a vampire villain on an episode of Doctor Who. Jay once again made a big butt outfit and Anthony made a huge goof with a blue polyesther thing from a 1970s beauty pageant. Despite his boasting, Emilio did deserve to win and I'm glad he listened to Tim and added more color. But I foresee problems between them when Tim visits. Also, it looks like Emilio has found a new catchphrase--"Come hard!" I'm getting the T-shirt tomorrow.

I was surprised when they announced the run-off between Mila and Jay. I thought Mila would take it because she's been more consistant if not as risk-taking as Jay. Actually both did show at Bryant Park, only one of them was on TV. I hope Mila steps outside her geometric black shapes and tries something different so Nina will finally approve of her again. I liked that Emilio said he's rather compete with Seth Aaron and Mila because they were the strongest ones, even though I don't think he likes Mila.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 10: Irish Girl Speaks Up, plus Louisville Reflections

Irish girl Carrie spoke up to the judges this past week when Michael Kors compared the dress she was wearing to a dirty table-cloth and Nina Garcia declared it a full-on disaster. "I have to disagree with all a yiz," she firmly said in that delightful brogue. I wanted her to go on with "And yiz can kiss me arse, the lot of yiz. I'm goin' to the pub for a pint of ale and if yiz don't like it, yiz can stuff it." She was the highlight of the episode. But how did Jonathan her designer repay her? He picked Brandeis, the odd girl and Carrie got eliminated.

It's been a strange week. I'm late with this Runway recap/blog/rumination because I was in Louisville during the episode. It was broadcast on the first night of the Humana Festival and I watched the second half at about 1:30 AM after attending the opening night reception and seeing the first play which started at 11PM. I just now watched the first half on DVR back in NYC. I'm getting kinda tired of this season. There hasn't been anything really grabby. I've had enough of Seth Aaron's zippers and Mila's color blocking. There were a few twists--Seth Aaron escaped the curse of the cell phone by speaking with a loved one on camera via personal communication device and not being eliminated. Mila actually tried something not geometric, but the skirt was so tight her model Brandeis could barely walk in it.

I didn't think Emilio's winning print was that great and Jonathan's almost-losing pale jacket and skirt combo wasn't that awful. I guess the judges thought Anthony's was boring and better a "full-on disaster" than a yawn. Jonathan is in big trouble and will probably be the next to go. Emilio and Seth Aaron are probably safe, leaving Jay, Mia or Mila for the third slot. But something big is happening next week and I think it involves Mia because I recall hearing a rumor about her not showing up for fashion week.

The rest of Louisville was fun, but they packed so much into the three days I didn't do very much besides go to the theatre. At one point we had four shows on one day. After the first one I had about two hours to kill, so I took a cab to the historical district and bought a guide to the Victorian houses. One was a sort of double house with two separate entrances. A merchant built it for his two daughters who hated each other. There were separate porches so they could each sit on them without speaking to the other. Ironically, one of the houses is now the Kentucky Psychiatric Institute.

I only got to see a few additional domiciles when I realized I had better get back in time for the next show, so I walked back--about two miles. I passed a lot of hat and wig shops. Hats are big in Louisville because of the Kentucky Derby. All the ladies wear enormous chapeaus to the famous race. I took pictures which I will post later. Later that same day after the second show, I had lunch with the artistic director and some board members of the Actor's Express Theatre of Atlanta. It was fun to talk theatre with like-minded people. They asked me what was good in NYC and I asked about their season in Atlanta. It's so refreshing to see theatre outside of NYC and realize the whole country does have a theatre scene beyond Broadway.

Project Runway Season 7--Episode 9--Lost in a Concept

Amy got lost in her concept again this week. First it was the bowl of hair, now it was the umbrella dress. I had to agree with the judges on this one. Her teammate Jonathan's detail-crazy gown was pretty overworked as well. I thought it made the model look like the Transparent Woman--you know, that figurine where the skin was transparent so you could see all the organs, it was used for science class.

Everything was leading up to a big runway fight between Jay and Mila, but she did not have to throw him under the bus. The judges did that for her. Nina went back to loving her some Mila with her extravagant praise for Mila's nighttime East Village look which was very smart and tailored. But even I'm getting a bit tired of the geometric black and white thing with the lines and the stripes. I did admire Anthony and Maya's Chinatown pieces, but the nighttime would have looked better longer and maybe just a smidge of red to tie it to the daytime. Seth Aaron and Emilio did deserve to win, but what was that bagpipe bag on the daytime model's head? And what was that tiny wrench Amy was wearing on a necklace?

This time the Models on the Runway was actually more suspenseful than Project Runway. I love that the designers have almost no model loyalty so you never know who's gonna pick who. Emilio must be getting jittery if he dropped Holly. I thought it was pretty sneaky with the promo editing to make us think someone was going to the hospital after drinking too much by showing an ambulance right after a shot of the models knocking back a few. It turned out the ambulance was just a random atmosphere shot.

Anyway there are seven designers left which means four more will be eliminated before the final three, but the math doesn't work out if there are only three episodes left before the finale. Something will happen like that season where they picked four finalists and one had to aufed just before Bryant Park. I want Jonathan to make it all the way, but I have a feeling he's going to crumble. Maya is the only one not to have won so she may go. Mila is Nina's favorite and Seth Aaron definitely has a spot. That leaves Emilio, Jay and Anthony. I think Jay is fading and it's either him or Jonathan next week.

Project Runway--Season 7--Episode 8--Big Bowl o' Hair

I thought my DVR was going to record this week's Project Runway from the beginning but for some reason it didn't. So when I came home at about 10:30PM after a hard night of reviewing plays like Jennifer Jason Leigh in Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle, I was looking forward to watching the show from the top. When I discovered it wasn't recording I thought, OK, I'll watch the runway show now and catch up with the repeat at 11:30. As a result, I was totally unprepared for Amy's horrifying big-bowl-of-hair. It scared me out of three years' growth. The model turned the corner and I said "What the fuck is that? It looks like she's balancing a bowl of hair on her breasts. Why doesn't she throw in some chips and pretzels and make herself useful by serving them to the judges?"

Amy described her objective as "controlled chaos." Well, she got the second part right. She screwed up last week too, so I don't know why she stayed. Her work was far worse than Ben's shark suit. But I guess the judges are thinking out-of-box crazy shit beats out ho-hum bad stitching. Jay's twister-sister look from the tornado ballet in The Wiz induced jaw-dropping stares from the judges, but he couldn't be eliminated. Mila couldn't color-block the pain and got a tongue lashing from Nina. Jonathan's laughter in the air dream was reminscent of his toilet paper in a windstorm, but this time it worked, plus Irish Carrie looked beautiful. Seth Aaron's leather outfit was fierce, but what was the extra piece on her ass? Nina was really hard on Maya and that French guy seemed like he was a little too relaxed, maybe he was drunk and could have used some peanuts and pretzels from hair-bowl girl.

After the runway show, I caught up with the first half during the repeat. This would have tipped me off that Ben would have been on his way to the gallows because he was talking with his boyfriend, or husband since they got married, on that little keyboard-iphone doohickey--always the kiss of death. BTW, why does Ben always look like he's on his way to Rawhide (a leather bar for you non-New Yorkers) and do the contestants all get those cute little phone things? What's her name who cried all the time had one too.

Ben and Jonathan had a really interesting talk about being safe and staying in the middle. You'll recall I spoke about this very topic in my blog last week and that the middle pack would have have to drop out or rise to the top. Ben did the former and Jonathan the latter.

And how many times did they mention Garnier? I should keep track of the product placements.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 7: Slutty Stripper Outfit Beats Jiffy-Pop Skirt

I thought for sure Emilio was going to buy the farm this week because he had sooo much screen time. There was that long explanation of how he didn't have enough cord and washers for his mini-skirt, which would have looked like a curtain in a gypsy's house except not as shiny. Or maybe Jay because starting with a garbage bag is always a bad sign if you'll recall from past seasons. I think Stella (the Leatha Queen from season 4, or was it 3?) used garbage bags on her very first challenge and almost got eliminated right out of the gate. But Jay managed to pull it off and made something pretty. The blue piping was a nice touch.

It looked bad for everyone, particularly when Jonathan predicted "You ten have the worst scores." And speaking of the number 10, what was all that shit about being in the top ten at the top of the episode? They never did that before. Did they want to refresh our memories as to how many contestants there were because they skipped a week? They still haven't explained why they were pre-empted last week. Was it fear of competing with the Olympics? And why did Ben wear pink shorts this week?

I also loved it when Tim said , "Alright designers, this....is....it!" just before they had to go down to the runway as if he knew disaster awaited them all. I laughed at that cymbals-crashing sound before each model made her entrance. It was like a cartoon scene and everyone looked like they had stepped out of a bad musical version of "Metropolis."

Jesse's outfit was indeed bizaarely awful. In addition to the epithets thrown by the judges--giant Hershey's kiss, dirty vacuum bag, ballerina in tin foil--I will add my own: Jiffy-pop popcorn bag. Maya's key necklace was indeed stylish and striking but what was that Spiderwoman web-net jacket? She looked like a villainess in a comic book, not even a Marvel comic book, but a Charleton or Dell or Gold Key comic book (For you non-geeks, those are real cheap comics.)

Emilio's bikini was really slutty and cheesey. He was sweating bullets when he was trying to talk his way out of it. I couldn't believe Nina actually said "It wasn't that bad." Oh come on, Nina, it was right out of the Badda Bing Club on the Sopranos. They really should have eliminated Emilio and not Jesse. I suspect the reason was that Emilio is the stronger designer plus they kept the pretty white straight boy too long last season and didn't want to make the same mistake.

Did you see Milla's face when she didn't win? She was pissed even though Heidi paid her a big compliment by saying it was another fine job.

With the numbers getting smaller the middle crowd (Jonathan, Ben, sometimes Seth Aaron) is going to get pushed up or to the bottom. Anthony is hanging by a thread--wasn't that hiliarous when he just shut up and walked off when he was told he was safe? He probably said to himself "Girl, you better not say a word cause your ass is just lucky to be still alive." I think Milla, Maya, and Amy may be the final three. Jay might squeak in.

Project Runway Skips a Week, Health Care Takes Precedence

So I get home last night after a hard day of reviewing plays expecting to watch the latest fashion smackdown on Project Runway and for some reason, the damned thing ain't even on. They're showing last week's episode and then some lame Will and Grace rerun (the one with Matt Damon pretending to be gay). We turn on Hardball with Chris Matthews who has an extra-long show to dissect the health care summit. Obama was on fire telling those obstructionist Republicans where to get off with their "Let's start all over again with a blank slate so we can get the credit" crap. When he told that smarmy congressman who favored health-care saving accounts, "Well that's fine for you because you make six figures, but what about the average American making $40,000 a year?," I was like "YEAH! Stick it to that smug bastard."

This is what the Prez should have done MONTHS ago, but he was too afraid of looking partisan and worried about another dose of Hilarycare with the Congress not being allowed to put together the legislation. He needs to go before the public every day of the week and sell the hell outta this bill. He needs to tell the people who don't watch Fox, CNN and MSNBC 24/7--"Look, don't listen to these right-wing talking heads, I am fighting for you every minute to get you affordable health care. Bohner and those other guys just want to help the insurance companies. Just listen to what they say--you don't need unemployment insurance or stimulus-created jobs, just suck it up. That's how they think. They think government shouldn't help ANYBODY except big corporations and you know where that leads. I am here for YOU, the mom working two jobs at Walmart and the Stop and Shop, the dad taking an extra shift at the toothpaste factory, the freelancer who can't afford a decent TV." Please make that message clear, Barack. People will listen.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 6: Send in the Clowns or Color Block the Pain

Tim Gunn has a new favorite phrase: clown clothes. He's used it twice so far this season. And what does he do for those 15 minutes while the contestants are sketching on their HP notepads? Anyway, Amy fell down the well this week with her bizarro outfit which didn't even look finished or tailored. That little kid nailed it when she said to the model, "Are you ready to go to the circus?" Jonathan's "toilet paper in a windstorm" wasn't that bad. It made me think of whipped cream. But Janeane's safe, drab thing was so nondescript I can't even think of a bitchy way to describe it. As soon as she was on that phone-organizer-keyboard doo-hickey to talk to her husband, you knew she was dead meat. My friend Lydia pointed out that whenever a designer had an extended scene via 21st century communication device with a loved one, they would be aufed by the end of the episode. Did that happen to Epperson last season?

Jessie looked much cuter this week with that adorable little hat and the bow tie untied. I think he's much cuter than that straight boy from last season that all the girls and the models had a crush on--see, I've forgotten his name already and I'm too lazy to look it up.

Anthony's no-talking challenge was funny. It broke the monotony with something different.

Not much else to report this week except that five years old is a little young to be walking the runway.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 5: Bible Study Time

When the episode opened with another funny quip from Anthony ("Wake up. It's bible study time. But I use it as a weapon" and then hitting Jay with the Holy Word which was a riot), I thought he was in trouble. He was getting too much camera time which is always a bad sign. But expectations turned upside down as the comic-relief designer emerged as a winner and the ice-queen former favorite (Milla with the bangs and the Anna Wintour haughty attitude) got slapped down.

It got very tiring to hear Heidi and Tim endlessly bray about how this was the BIGGEST challenge in Project Runway history. Tim's sole advice seemed to be "Just make it perfect!" And what was up with that bitchy Marie Clare editor-in-chief? Was she vying with Nina, her subordinate, for all the attention? Did someone tell her that because she's British she should be like Simon Cowell and say the nastiest things that pop into her scones-and-buttter head? Nausea, polluted seawater, and hospital food were her main images. EWW! You don't gots to be so mean, bitch! And why do they always cut away from the muscular arms of that hot make-up artist so fast? Linger on them biceps, Mr. Cameraman.

Everyone but Ben and Emilio seemed to be afraid of bold colors. And you need those to make an outfit stand out on a magazine cover. Emilio's was very sexy and I loved that whipped out his scissors and snipped those spaghetti straps right off. I wasn't wild about his color, it was too burgundy for me. I would have preferred a brighter red. Ben's bright combinations should have won. They really popped and the textures were interesting. The belt was nice too. Anthony's was nice and flowing, but it didn't have the vibrancy of Ben's. Jonathan's superheroine-hooker look was good for a laugh. Isn't Ben the one who worked in comic books?

It was a close call for elimination between Jeaneane (bridesmaid at the wedding of the Little Mermaid) and Ana (pregnant teeny bopper on the way to the beach in Datoyna). They both didn't have long for this world.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 4: Soup and Hearts

This will probably be the only "real person" challenge on this season of Project Runway. Since they've got that dumb Models on the Runway thing right afterwards, they're probably only going to have one segment where the models don't appear. At least that was the pattern last season. It wasn't a particularly exciting episode but it certainly was full of "Lifetime TV" moments with each of the real women telling their designers about their history of heart problems and how it impacted them. (Love that the word impact is now officially a verb.) I also loved that one woman who said "Out of all the women here, I'm probably the last one you would think had open-heart surgery." What the hell does that mean? Was she being competitive about her scar tissue? Or lack thereof? Also campbell's Soup wins the product placement award of the year. Lifetime must have been wracking their brains on how to get a soup company to buy ad space.

There wasn't much drama between the designers this week. I suppose because they were taken up feeling all "Lifetime"-y and making their heart women feel all special. This season and last is not as exciting as the one with Jeffrey and Laura (who I saw on the subway once) and that guy who got kicked off the show and that annoying Holly-Hobby woman and the guy who looked like Paul Lynde. I think that was Season 3.

I really thought Ana Marie would go home because she had so much camera time and her dress did not flatter her full-figured lady. Jesus did deserve to be aufed. This was the third time he was in the bottom two and his dress was kinda slutty. BTW, did you notice both Seth Allen and Ben stole Jesus's cute bow-tie look this week. And what was up with Jay's clam diggers?

I did like Amy's winning look, but didn't it remind you of the nightgown flying suit Agnes Moorehead used wear when she played Endora on Bewitched? And BTW I found a video of an old Lone Ranger cartoon from the late 1960s on YouTube where Moorehead played a villainess called the Spider Woman. That's a common villainness name (There was one on Space Ghost and I think in a 1940s Superman movie serial and of course Tallulah Bankhead played the Black Widow on Batman) and is worthy of a separate blog post.

Another thing I just realized: if there is only one "real-woman" challenge per season, that also means there will be no men's wear challenge and that means no male models. Damn, yet another drawback to this season!

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 3: The Ping and Jessie Show

I was surprised at the outcome of this week's Project Runway because the judges were slamming Ping for the same Drapey McDrapperson dress they praised in the first go-round. The model had that same long extension of fabric flung over her arm and she looked like a little girl playing dress-up. But it was fun to watch Ping and Jessie fight when they had to work as a team. You could tell it was coming when the pixie-ish designer said in one of those "confession" interviews about being a team captain: "I'm very good at giving clear instructions" and then when she was actually called on to lead, she was like the proverbial designer chicken with its couture head cut off. I did like her glasses, BTW. In the end the elimination choice was between kooky Ping and funny Anthony. Funny was safe and kooky bit the arsenic cookie.

Another highlight was seeing the contestants on the brink of tears when in the presence of the classic gowns at the Met. I get the same way when I find a mint-condition Batman comic.

So I'm glad Ping was finally ponged and that the young model pointed out she didn't even fit the dress on her. I bet the models have been told off-camera by the producers "If something dramatic is going on, be sure to bitch about on the runway--or scrunch up your face so Heidi will say 'You look like you're bursting to say something.'" The same with the designers when chosing their models--Jesus just had to say something about Sophia being "difficult" because of her allergy.

Which leads me to say I'm actually not hating Models on the Runway this season. This group of ladies is actually interesting compared to the Barbies last time. I really like the older-vs.-younger-model dynamic with Brandise (love the name), Sophia, and that Irish girl going out for drinks while the little kids stay at home and whine about how nobody likes them and begging for a hug. (I also love to hear the Irish girl talk. Her accent is great.) It's also spikier with the designers not always chosing the same model, so at least there's a modicum of suspense. These designers have no loyalty which is fantastic because it shows they don't give a shit about the models' feelings--they want to win!

Back to the main stuff: Mila's jacket did deserve a win. She and Jay are emerging as consistantly strong. But I'll bet Mila's teammate Jonathan was pissed that she won because he did all the work--and she didn't even thank him, at least not on camera. Also Maya seemed to be the leader of her team even though Jay was the titular captain. Her Jane-Jetson-at-the-Miss-Galaxy-pageant gown was very risky. It could very easily have become a supervillainness costume from Star Trek, but it was elegant without going over the top.

Speaking of fashion, earlier this week I watched Unzipped, the documentary on Isaac Mizrahi. It trailed the designer while he put together a new collection and all the work that goes into mounting the show. One of his conceits was to have a scrim in front of the backstage area so that when lights shone through it, you could see the mayhem of the dressers and models scrambling to make their entrances. Just as the camera was taking us behind the scenes, so was Mizrahi. It was a fun and quirky look behind the curtain of a glamorous world. You would see the camera crew in many shots. The director--too lazy to look it up--filmed mostly in black and white and at odd angles, sometimes using grainy film. It offered a weird perspective. Also ironic that Mizrahi's label went bankrupt a few years later and then he was designing for Target. Now he's doing Project Runway knock-offs--will that thing ever come back? It least it was better than Launch My Line.

More reality is on the way with Kell on Earth and the return of Shear Genius from Bravo and of course, The Amazing Race on Valentine's Day.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 2: Burlap Dance

Remember that episode of I Love Lucy where Ricky and Fred give Lucy and Ethel burlap sacks as if they were Paris fashions and the girls wear them, are seen by a designer who steals the idea and creates a line of burlap? They stole the idea for this week's Project Runway. They should have at least given credit to the source. I wonder who comes up with the challenges? Is it Heidi? Does Tim have a say? Or is it all unseen producers?

So the challenge was to make a industry-party-worthy dress out of potato sacks. This time the models got to choose their designers. I think Alexis picked Anthony because she thought she could push him around. Milla who worked with Alexis the previous week, lucked out and came up with a winner.

Once again Ping made a dress-up outfit worthy of a six-year-old. Her teenage model looked like a bag of potato chips with the ass hanging out.

I liked Jonathan and Seth Allen's looks best--particularly Jonathan's understated print--but of course the judges went for far-out Milla's sleek, futuristic look and Jay's feather-explosion. I'll bet the people in the middle will eventually emerge as the strongest with Seth Allen definitely finishing strongly. Jesus and Ping will continue to scrape the bottom of the barrel until all the drab bland people are gone (like Pamela who did make her model's ass look big, but she made a better dress than Jesus or Ping did). Then their cute, funny but amateurish asses will aufed before you can say "Weird or cute, you're time is up." Jesus looked just adorable on the runway with his sweet little bow-tie, but honey, you should pay more attention to the model's outfit than your own.

Second-place Amy should have won. Her piece had a light, soft look and the skirt was innovative.

Guest judge Lauren Hutton scared me with her stretched-tight face. And would it have killed you to dress up a little? She looked like she was about to go shopping at the Darien A&P for steaks for Labor Day weekend.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 1: Ping-a-Ling

Back to the the runway for Season 7 and at least they wised up and returned to New York. But why did they keep Models of the Runway? Who cares about the models? Now we'll have another season of no challenges with real people, which is what made the previous seasons 1-5 interesting--the interaction between the designers and non-models. Remember Jeffrey making what's-her-name's mother cry? And Christian clashing with the high-school girl during the prom challenge? And the final five in Season 1 making a new look for each other? It added spice. I couldn't care less about these human coat-hangers developing friendships with the contestants.

Well, at least we're back in the Big Apple and Michael and Nina will be on every episode like they belong. This bunch also seems a lot more interesting and talented than Season 6's group. I can't remember one good dress that sorry lot turned out. This bunch at least makes bold choices and uses color. The first episode featured the by-now standard express-yourself challenge where the designers must make something that says who they are. We found out right away who Ping is: the resident nut job. Sometimes the contestant filling the kook slot is aufed right away as in the punk rock girl from season 6. Sometimes she hangs on for a few episodes for humor value--like the hippie chick who liked to spit on her dresses to "bless" them with her essence and made that disaster which pooped fabric on the first challenge. But this time the wack-a-doodle judges actually liked Ping's eccentric design and put her in the top three. Seriously, Nicole Ritchie, you would wear that? Maybe after a few dozen cocktails. I thought Ping's model looked like a little girl who grabbed everything in her mommy's closet and threw it on in a misguided attempt at dress up. And BTW, is she so poor that she can't even afford a dress form and has to put all of her designs on herself? How does she pin anything? Oh yeah, she doesn't, she just drapes.

Okay, maybe I'm being a tad harsh. I later figured out when they edited the runway show, we didn't get to see the full effect with that plaid snood thing. We only saw that on the model's arm and I wondered what the hell it was supposed to be. So we'll see if Ping continues to impress the judges with her way-out style. I think she's going to run out of luck and will not last long.

Anthony is another Runway character made to order--the loud, funny, queeny guy who can't shut up. I loved it when he started gushing about how relieved he was not to be eliminated and Heidi told him to get off the runway before she changed her mind. That snapped his trap shut real quick. And what was that enormous appendage on the side of his dress? A colostomy bag?

Seth Allen is the bad boy in the mold of Jeffrey. I absolutely LOVED what he was wearing on the runway, a lot more than his MTV-Awards-in-Japan outfit with that red zipper and the uneven straps. Janeanne is the overly sensitive girl who cries at the drop of a stitch. I predict big conflicts and an ocean of tears from her.

Hated Jesus's train which would have looked even weirder if he kept the dress short. Should have kept it short and lost the train, would have worked a lot better. Everyone commented on the seam. Jesse's jacket worked very well and was very smart. Christina's piece was poorly constructed and showed every pucker. She did deserve to go home and Emilio demonstrated he has solid skills with his winning multi-layered party dress.

We've also got a new catchphrase--"hanger appeal." And the winner doesn't get a car this time? I guess they couldn't get an automobile sponsor. I haven't watched Models on the Runway yet and will give it a fair trial, but I will probably just not DVR it this time. I have better things to do with those 23 minutes like find old Hanna Barbera cartoons on YouTube.