Okay, it's really Part 1 of the season finale, but I want to call it Episode 13. Another expense account trip for Tim Gunn to Vancouver, WA, and then Los Angeles and San Francisco to visit the designers as they work on their collections. For some reason, he goes to Washington state first, then NY, then LA and SF. Why not just fly to Seattle or wherever, then go to California, and then then fly back to NYC to bitch with Emilio. Maybe it was Tim's schedule. I just saw on his facebook page that he's writing a book and making appearances all over the place.
Anyway, Tim first arrives at Seth Aaron's modest little cottage in Vancouver which apparently has a squirrel problem (did you notice the Warning: Attack Squirrel sign?) We see that Seth has produced like 5,000 dresses and Tim hates them all. Well, he doesn't hate them, they're just the same old Seth Aaron thing and Tim bluntly tells a crestfallen Seth he won't win with this sorry-ass collection. In the promo, they fooled us into thinking that's what he told Emilio after saying "You do what you want." After picking his ego off the floor, Seth Aaron introduces Tim to his wife and kids and they all play Pictionary. Then they take take Tim out into the backyard and force him to jump on the trampoline. Funny, you don't think of fashion designers has having houses in the suburbs with wives and adoloscent kids.
Then we're treated to stock footage of the Bronx in the 1970s to give us an idea of Emilio's tortured childhood which still doesn't explain the weird print dress and the washer-strewn bikini. Tim meets Emilio's brothers underneath a bridge as if they're doing a drug deal. What, they didn't have time for a meal at home or even a restaurant? Emilio steps into his time machine and shows Tim his collection from 1943. This is the part where Tim says "You do what you want" and Emilio gets all Kenley on his ass and says Tim doesn't know what he's talking about because he doesn't wear women's clothes. WHAT? That's like when Lou and Edie Grant went to a marriage counselor on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Lou was pissed that the counsellor had never been married so how could he know anything about marital problems. The counsellor replies "You don't have to be a whale to write Moby Dick." (I hope you enjoyed that little trip into my mind, that's just the way it works.)
Next Tim racks up more frequent flyer miles to Los Angeles and Mila displays her work, It's all geometric and black and white (WHAT A SURPRISE!) Her inspiration is shadows. How cheerful! Tim accurately dubbed the collection matronly and gives Mila Laura Bush's phone number since she would be the ideal client. Mila then introduces her family and boyfriend to Tim. Even the goddamn dog is black and white! Was Mila frightened by a color TV as a child?
Tim takes the short flight or the long train ride like in that episode of Big Bang Theory (Don't you think Sheldon is gay, but I digress) to visit Jay who has made a Blade Runner-Doctor Who collection with outer-space sleeves. Tim loves most of it but asks "What the fuck is up with these ribbons for sleeves?" Jay and Mila then give Best Supporting Actress Oscar performances as they cry about how much they want to win. M'onique and Cloris Leachman play them in the movie version.
In New York, the final four occupy the same suite. Tim greets everyone and did you notice Emilio did not go to hug him like everyone else and just shook his hand?
Jay and Mila play out a "talking it out" scene which looks like they're in an Ingmar Bergman movie. After making up, they are told they have three hours to prepare for their presentation. Mila makes the brilliant observation, "Jay's got color. Not good for me." DUH! Did she honestly think everyone else was a black and white as her?
The final smackdown is very close. Mila is too retro, but the looks are very cohesive and well-tailored. The spangled cocktail dress is very pretty and goes with the other two items which look like Mila's mother wore them 40 years ago. Jay is the other extreme with techno Judy Jetson looks and epaulets everywhere. Heidi wants Mila. Michael wants Jay. Nina is on the fence. Heidi must has threatened to auf the other two during the break because Mila wins. Jay gives another brilliant Oscar winning performance as he ungraciously accepts defeat and bursts into tears. But we all know his collection will be shown at the tents, it just won't be on TV. I'm sure it will be on YouTube somewhere. Next week is the final runway show.
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