Lists Are Fun

Countries outside of the US I have been to:
1. Canada
2. Mexico
3. England
4. Ireland
5. France
6. Germany
7. Holland
8. Czech Republic
9. Italy
10. China
11. India
12. Thailand
13. Nepal
14. South Korea
15. South Africa
16. Turkey
17. Greece
18. Egypt
19. Belgium (train ride through)
20. Japan (airport only)
21. Scotland
22. Bermuda
23. Belize

States in the USA
1. Pennsylvania
2. New Jersey
3. New York
4. Massachusettes
5. Rhode Island
6. Illinois
7. Louisiana
8. California
9. Arizona
10. Nevada
11. New Mexico
12. Florida
13. South Carolina
14. North Carolina
15. Virginia
16. Hawaii
17. Missouri
18. Vermont
19. New Hampshire
20. Connecticut
21. Maine
22. Georgia
23. Michigan(airport only)
24. Tennessee (airport only)
25. Kentucky
26. Puerto Rico (commonwealth)
27. Ohio (Cincinnati airport only--but I think that may be technically in Kentucky)

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 10: Irish Girl Speaks Up, plus Louisville Reflections

Irish girl Carrie spoke up to the judges this past week when Michael Kors compared the dress she was wearing to a dirty table-cloth and Nina Garcia declared it a full-on disaster. "I have to disagree with all a yiz," she firmly said in that delightful brogue. I wanted her to go on with "And yiz can kiss me arse, the lot of yiz. I'm goin' to the pub for a pint of ale and if yiz don't like it, yiz can stuff it." She was the highlight of the episode. But how did Jonathan her designer repay her? He picked Brandeis, the odd girl and Carrie got eliminated.

It's been a strange week. I'm late with this Runway recap/blog/rumination because I was in Louisville during the episode. It was broadcast on the first night of the Humana Festival and I watched the second half at about 1:30 AM after attending the opening night reception and seeing the first play which started at 11PM. I just now watched the first half on DVR back in NYC. I'm getting kinda tired of this season. There hasn't been anything really grabby. I've had enough of Seth Aaron's zippers and Mila's color blocking. There were a few twists--Seth Aaron escaped the curse of the cell phone by speaking with a loved one on camera via personal communication device and not being eliminated. Mila actually tried something not geometric, but the skirt was so tight her model Brandeis could barely walk in it.

I didn't think Emilio's winning print was that great and Jonathan's almost-losing pale jacket and skirt combo wasn't that awful. I guess the judges thought Anthony's was boring and better a "full-on disaster" than a yawn. Jonathan is in big trouble and will probably be the next to go. Emilio and Seth Aaron are probably safe, leaving Jay, Mia or Mila for the third slot. But something big is happening next week and I think it involves Mia because I recall hearing a rumor about her not showing up for fashion week.

The rest of Louisville was fun, but they packed so much into the three days I didn't do very much besides go to the theatre. At one point we had four shows on one day. After the first one I had about two hours to kill, so I took a cab to the historical district and bought a guide to the Victorian houses. One was a sort of double house with two separate entrances. A merchant built it for his two daughters who hated each other. There were separate porches so they could each sit on them without speaking to the other. Ironically, one of the houses is now the Kentucky Psychiatric Institute.

I only got to see a few additional domiciles when I realized I had better get back in time for the next show, so I walked back--about two miles. I passed a lot of hat and wig shops. Hats are big in Louisville because of the Kentucky Derby. All the ladies wear enormous chapeaus to the famous race. I took pictures which I will post later. Later that same day after the second show, I had lunch with the artistic director and some board members of the Actor's Express Theatre of Atlanta. It was fun to talk theatre with like-minded people. They asked me what was good in NYC and I asked about their season in Atlanta. It's so refreshing to see theatre outside of NYC and realize the whole country does have a theatre scene beyond Broadway.

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 7--Case of the Missing Coconut

Boy do I hate Brent and Caite now. I thought we were really rid of them last week, but luck favors the drunk and the stupid. First all six teams have to take the same flight to the Seychelle Islands. Then for once in their stupid lives, Team Such As actually has a thought between them--"Let's try to get seats in the front of the plane." That just shows you, never eat lunch before getting your tickets like the cowboys and the cops did. And how long did it take them to go to the Paris airport? All of a sudden they were magically there. It must have been at least a three or four hour drive. The flight had to be eight or nine hours yet all the teams were miraclously rested.

Another mystery--how did the fruit vendor at the port know that Team Such As, the lesbians, and the cowboys did not have all their coconuts? Did a colleague call him via cell phone and say "Hey, the dumb ones, the guys with the John Wayne hats and the two women who look like Ellen DeGeneris forgot one coconut each"? But Brent and Caite showed their true colors when they found out they had to go back and get said coconut, "WAAAAH! I quit! I don't wanna play anymore! We were in first place! This is so unfair!" I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt before, but unlike the late lamented Jeff and Jordan, these guys aren't even funny when they're dumb--they just dumb!

I wondered about Steve and Allie losing their backpacks. As they raced to the finish line I thought, "Aha! We'll have another Zev and Justin moment. They don't have their passports so they have to go back and find them and then the gay-straight brothers will win." Then Steve goes, "We've got our money and our passports, but no clothes." WHAT? Did they stick their passports and money in their underwear and swim to shore with them? Something fishy is going on here. How did they know to save those items and forget everything else? Are they allowed to go back during the rest period and look for them? It was even weirder when Phil told them their prize--"All the seven-up you can drink!" Ugh! I hate that stuff!

And another thing--How come there was a seven theme running through the episode when there were only six teams? Couldn't Seven-up have counted and done the sponsoring last week? But then French champagne and Seven-Up don't really mix. That is, unless you're Brent and Caite. "It's anonymous. I mean unanimous."

Pluses did include beautiful scenery and since dumb stupid basketball ran overtime--again--I got some of 60 Minutes with Anderson Cutie-Pie Cooper getting into a wet suit.

Day 10--drive from wine country in France to Paris

Day 11--Flight from Paris to Seychelles Islands in the Indian Ocean. It was probably a late afternoon flight and it had to be at least eight or nine hours

Day 12--Arrive Seychelles Islands, helicopter to La Digue, detour with ox or turtles, take boat to another island

Leaderboard
Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Jet and Cord--two wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver
Steve and Allie--one win, Loot: $7,000 each, relaxing dinner and massage on the beach and "all the 7-Up they can drink"

Second Time in Louisville and Presidential Lovers

Here I am in Louisville, Kentucky for my second visit to the Humana Festival of New American Plays. Last year was my first time here and I did so much, it feels as if I don't have the same amount of time now--yet I do. There seems to be more panels scheduled this year in addition to the eight new plays all crammed into three and a half days--even less since Sunday is not a full day of playgoing. Well, this blog is more about Louisville itself than the festival (which I will cover in my Back Stage blog). I'm amazed I was able do so much last time. I visited the Louisville Slugger Museum--where they make the baseball bats--the Muhammad Ali Center, which was interesting even though I'm not a sports fan, and I walked all the way to Bardstown Road because that was the only neighborhood that had used-book stores--and that was a looong walk of several miles from where my hotel, the Galt Hotel is located.

Louisville is right on the Ohio River and not a hopping town, like New Orleans. The downtown area feels like a ghost town with not many people on the street after 5 PM. There is a little club district with restautants and bars, but the area isn't exactly teeming. There are some points of local color and historic interest. Lewis and Clark set off from here and I want to explore the old district with its historic homes--including I think, Merriwether Lewis's house. There is a statue of him near the river and a more recently erected one of his slave York who was free during the exploration and admired by the Indians. Then he had to come back to Kentucky and return to being a slave. That would make an interesting play.

I had to change planes in Cincinnati, since the New York flight was late. I had run through the airport there and didn't get a good look at it. It did seem like Detroit, but at least better than Memphis. Once in Louisville, we didn't have a much time to rest before we were whisked off to the opening night reception and the first play which started at 11 PM (I will offer reviews in my Back Stage article). The opening play is called Heist! and is set in an actual art gallery-hotel called 21C. One interesting exhibit in the actual gallery was a group of portraits of seven women and one man, each of whom were associated with a president. Then I figured out there were all supposed to have slept with the chief executive. The man was a bachelor senator who shared quarters with James Buchanan and there were gossip and rumors about them being more than friends, though gay romances were an unknown thing at the time. The other portraits were Monica Lewinsky, Kay Summersby, Lucy Mercier, the young woman who had Grover Cleveland's baby and a slave named Venus who was associated with George Washington. I'd never heard of her. I wondered why the artist didn't include Sally Hemmings. Maybe that would have been too obvious. I explained the common thread to some fellow playgoers and one woman asked me, "How do you know that? Are you an historian?"

The play required a lot of walking around and I got back to the hotel at 1:15 AM. But Project Runway was on and I had to watch, so I didn't get to bed until very late. I'll cover that in a Runway blog, possibily combined with Amazing Race.

Health Reform--But at What Cost to Obama?

I watched the Health Care Reform vote on Sunday as if it were the Academy Awards. I was happy that it passed, but I'm fearful of what comes next. Yes, it's a triumph of political maneuvering on the part of Obama and Pelosi, but can the President sell it to these angry town-hall disrupters?

What's missing is an honest, dispassionate debate on the bill and what it does and does not say. We need to get beyond the name-calling and fear-mongering and spinning--on both sides. Yes, it's reprehensible that the n-word and the f-word were flung at congressmen by a few angry protestors and that Congressman from Texas called Stupak a baby killer (or that he said "It's a baby killer" referring to the bill, though nobody has found the "It's a..." on tape). But I want to see a calm, cool discussion on why those angry people are so angry and what are they so afraid of? I want Obama to talk to people like them and allay their fears and explain that most of the stuff they think is in the bill (death panels like on that episode of The Twilight Zone with Fritz Weaver and Burgess Meredith, rationing of care, etc.) just isn't there. Or is all this just ginned up by Fox and Friends? I feel sometimes we're living in two different worlds. One says this is the best thing that ever happened since Social Security and the Civil Rights Act, another says this is the worst thing that could ever happen and it's the end of America.

I'm genuinely worried that the congratulatory ink spilled by Paul Krugman and Maureen Dowd isn't gonna mean shit in November and possibly in 2012 when these red-state yahoos and tea-baggers try to take back Congress and the White House.

Scenes from the Life of an Amateur Comic Book Collector (15)--Nearly the Last Exit in Brooklyn

The comic collecting bug is biting me pretty bad. This weekend, I went to a desolate neighborhood in Brooklyn for a warehouse sale advertised by a flyer I found at the last comic show. It was a beautiful sunny day and I ventured down to 36th and Fourth Ave. under the BQE. I wish I could say it was worth it, but all they had was lots of Bronze Age stuff (mid-70s-80s), hardly any Silver. There was an Inferior Five I would have bought, but they wanted $10. It wasn't even bagged or boarded. I did find a box of $2 comics and bought four Four Star Spectaculars. This was a reprint series from 1976 which included four stories from the 1950s. This way I found lots of stories from the Silver Age, mostly Superboys, but also some Wonder Womans, Green Arrows, and an obscure cowboy hero called the Vigilante.

One highlight was a center spread advertising the CBS Saturday morning line-up for 1976. At that point I was a junior in high school and didn't watch as much Sat. morning TV. Interestingly, there were more live action shows at this point like Shazam and Isis. The best cartoons then were the Bugs Bunny reruns. This layout made me think of that annoying child actress Pamelyn Ferdin who played Felix Ungar's daughter on the Odd Couple. She also did the voice of Lucy on several Peanuts cartoons. She had been on one of these live-action Saturday morning shows (Space Academy) and I hated her. Maybe because she was working all the time, but there was something about her that just drove me nuts. But I digress.

I had a Off-Broadway matinee that afternoon, so I left after about an hour with my four-star spectaculars. I read them while eating as chicken sandwich at Burger King on Fourth Ave. In a Superboy story, the Boy of Steel is menaced by space pirates whose costumes contain a special explosive material. If Superboy attacks them, they will blow up Smallville and themselves. Whaddya know, suicide bombers in 1960s comics.

After the matinee--and sighting Andrea Martin on the street at Union Square--I resolved to go to Time Machine and get more comics since the trip to Brooklyn was so unsatisfactory. At Time Machine I found what I thought was a Superboy 88, but upon examination, I discovered someone had taped the cover over an Adventure 276 from 1960. Roger wasn't there but the guy who works with him threw the bizarro comic in for free when I bought another Superboy, three Flashes and two Green Lanterns for only $25. He called this bogus comic a Frankenstein Superboy.

Four Star Spectacular 1, 3, 5,6
Flash 176, 180, 184
Green Lantern 27, 37
Superboy 115

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 6--Cathy Drone?

I love the Amazing Race because you never know who will be on top from week to week. The order totally shuffled and yes the detectives remained on top, but Steve and Allie dropped to third from second, the lesbians moved up to second, and the gay/straight brothers were first for a little while, but they made a bad decision and dropped back down to fifth.

Stupid basketball delayed the episode for 51 minutes--WTF is March Madness anyway?-- plus the health care debate was raging on CNN and CSPAN. Budgeting continues with another car challenge rather than a plane trip and we're in France for the second week. Dan and Jordan displayed their lack of language skills by saying "Cathy Drone?" when a French citizen told them to go to the cathedral. Then Dan goes, "People don't know how to speak good English here." You're in France, genius, they don't have to speak English here! I thought that kind of comment was reserved for Team Big Brother and Team Such As.

Speaking of those two teams, Jeff and Jordan at least admit they're dumber than a bag of hammers. Leaving three hours after the first team, Jordan actually says, "Didn't Joan of Arc get all those animals on a boat?" "That's Noah's Ark," Jeff laughs, "No wonder we're in last place." That was cute and it redeemed them for me. I had this image of Joan of Arc on a boat herding animals on the ark and singing "Two by Two" from that Danny Kaye musical by Richard Rodgers. The other rock-stupid team Brent and Caite dropped in my estimation by arguing with each other, lacking a sense of humor, and --for the third time--screwing up the directions and having to double back.

Brent and Caite continued to self-destruct by quibbling over the champagne roadblock. I would have preferred Jeff and Jordan staying, but I think Team Such As will not last much longer. Other highlights include Jordan-brother (to distinguish him from Big Brother Jordan) squealing like a girl when he had to repel into the wine cellar; and Steve fixing the broken fender with duct tape.

Day 9--Drive from Vache Moulin to Reims for Joan of Arc clue; drive from Reims to Eperny for repel in wine cellar; drive from Eperny to Peirry for detour (three teams drive back to Reims when given wrong directions, then have to drive all the way to Peirry); Pierry to L'orrca.

Leaderboard
Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Jet and Cord--two wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver

Project Runway Season 7--Episode 9--Lost in a Concept

Amy got lost in her concept again this week. First it was the bowl of hair, now it was the umbrella dress. I had to agree with the judges on this one. Her teammate Jonathan's detail-crazy gown was pretty overworked as well. I thought it made the model look like the Transparent Woman--you know, that figurine where the skin was transparent so you could see all the organs, it was used for science class.

Everything was leading up to a big runway fight between Jay and Mila, but she did not have to throw him under the bus. The judges did that for her. Nina went back to loving her some Mila with her extravagant praise for Mila's nighttime East Village look which was very smart and tailored. But even I'm getting a bit tired of the geometric black and white thing with the lines and the stripes. I did admire Anthony and Maya's Chinatown pieces, but the nighttime would have looked better longer and maybe just a smidge of red to tie it to the daytime. Seth Aaron and Emilio did deserve to win, but what was that bagpipe bag on the daytime model's head? And what was that tiny wrench Amy was wearing on a necklace?

This time the Models on the Runway was actually more suspenseful than Project Runway. I love that the designers have almost no model loyalty so you never know who's gonna pick who. Emilio must be getting jittery if he dropped Holly. I thought it was pretty sneaky with the promo editing to make us think someone was going to the hospital after drinking too much by showing an ambulance right after a shot of the models knocking back a few. It turned out the ambulance was just a random atmosphere shot.

Anyway there are seven designers left which means four more will be eliminated before the final three, but the math doesn't work out if there are only three episodes left before the finale. Something will happen like that season where they picked four finalists and one had to aufed just before Bryant Park. I want Jonathan to make it all the way, but I have a feeling he's going to crumble. Maya is the only one not to have won so she may go. Mila is Nina's favorite and Seth Aaron definitely has a spot. That leaves Emilio, Jay and Anthony. I think Jay is fading and it's either him or Jonathan next week.

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 5--Dumb Luck Strikes Twice on the Battlefields of France

Sheer dumb idiot luck is what saved Capt. Peter Peachfuzz on the old Rocky and Bullwinkle show and it saved the asses of Team Big Brother and Team Such As this week. I should have known something would keep them from being eliminated and it was Joe's arrogance. While driving on their mobile pit stop Husband Overlord Joe bragged how even with his bum knee he could still beat all the other teams. I thought Wifey Heidi was going to break into "Something Wonderful" from "The King and I" after she spoke of their bond of unconditional love. Sorry, but that should have tipped me off quicker than a Project Runway designer calling a loved one on their I-phone. Louie and Michael had it in for Joe and Heidi and a U-Turn was coming up.

BTW, this is another indication that the budget has been cut--yet another bus ride. But it did save us time during the episode so there was no hanging around an airport or train station.

The fix was definitely in to keep the beautiful but dumb people on the show and I can't really blame the producers. (Just kidding, don't wanna be sued.) The dumb people make better TV than Steve and Allie, the father-daughter team, who are sweet to each other and boring as hell. So they leave from this mystery location St. Menehould in France. Heidi goes "I love driving through the French countryside" and they cut to a shot of nothing but fog.

Team Big Brother leaves a full three hours behind everybody else and they can't even figure out how to navigate a roundabout. They've obviously never driven in New England. Team Such As is not much better. Brent has the dead-eyed look of a soulless zombie like Caite has sucked his soul out during the night. The gay/straight brothers are beginning to get like the gay brothers of last season--bickering over everything. The lesbians--specifically Brandy--are beginning to get to me. Carol's not so bad, but Brandy is just bitching about everything. She began the episode with this bright sunny attitude but it was shot to hell as soon as she found out she had to crawl on the ground. What did you think was gonna happen? Carol was so right in her physical task-vs.-needle in a haystack analogy. The only team that did the Morse Code was screwed. I hope Brandy appreciated that when she saw this episode.

Anyway, the main action of the episode was the battle for the bottom. Joe and Heidi were U-turned and must have spent at least three hours on that Morse code challenge while Team Such As had to bicycle all the way back and get their clue and Team Big Brother had to perform their lame-ass speed bump (Build a fence, what a challenge!) It turns out Brent doesn't know north from south either. I should make a list of his lack of skills. Despite all these obstacles and their sheer brain-deadness, Such As and Big Brother pull ahead of Morse Codeless Joe and Heidi who huddle like whipped dogs in the trenches as Phil has to go to them to deliver the bad news.

I have to admit I would have missed Jeff and Jordan if they were eliminated. Who could resist Jeff's total cluelessness over not finding the clue in the baguette. He reminded me of this octopus I had seen in a nature documentary. The octopus is presented with a bowl with a tasty fish inside. The bowl is corked. It takes the octopus 45 minutes to figure out he has to remove the cork to get to his lunch. Jeff had the same octopus-like blank expression of not realizing his objective is in his hands, all he has to do is take it. Both Jeff-Jordan and Brent-Caite appear exhausted and are now realizing this race is hard work, unlike hanging out in the Big Brother house or smiling and waving during a beauty pageant or tensing your pecs during a photo shoot. The previews shows Brent and Caite cracking under pressure next week, but it will probably be a two-parter or some other ploy to prolong the agony. The champagne-glass tower looks as if they will still be in France for episode six. Another budget saving measure, no doubt.

I predict Such As and Big Brother will not last much longer. Then the lesbians and the brothers will find their constant fighting will be their undoing, leaving the cowboys, the detectives, and the father-daughter team.

Day 7--overnight mobile pit stop from Hamburg to Les Monthairns, France.

Day 8--Drive from Les Monthairns to St. Menehould for bread clue, then to Le Main de Messiges for WWI battlefield challenge, bicycle four miles

Leaderboard
Jet and Cord--two wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Louie and Michael--two wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver

Ready for the New Doctor

I finally caught up with Doctor Who, viewing the last David Tennant episode which was broadcast on BBC America over New Years weekend with a marathon of Tenant. I DVRed them and just watched the second installment of The End of Time. I am now ready for the new 11th Doctor and have seen almost every episode available in this country. My relationship with the Doctor is a long and twisted one with a major break-up, but now we are back together.

My first exposure to Doctor Who was via the Philadelphia public television station WHYY which showed Tom Baker episodes on Saturday afternoons. Howard Da Silva did voice-overs explaining what had happened in the previous segments. I was in high school and was immediately intrigued by the humor and infinite possibilties of a series which could go anywhere in time or space and a hero who could regenerate whenever the lead actor was tired of playing him. Baker was dryly funny and not your typical action hero--the Doctor used his brains rather than his muscles or martial arts.

I have met several of the doctors. There was a Baker-Baker event at Brooklyn College when I was living not far from there. Tom Baker and Colin Baker, the sixth doctor, appeared and signed autographs. I also attended a massive Doctor Who convention in Valley Forge, Pa. in the mid-80s which featured Jon Pertwee (second Doctor), and several companions. Continual episodes were shown all day. I got the closest to Peter Davison (fifth Doctor) and Patrick Troughton (second Doctor) at the convention in which I was a guest escort for George Takei of Star Trek (See previous blog where I encountered him again on the subway). I remember asking Troughton what it was like to act with Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh--he played in their productions of Antony and Cleopatra and Caesar and Cleopatra.

I blush to admit it but at one time I was actually a member of the UNYT, the NYC-based Doctor Who fan club.

Tom Baker was always my favorite, perhaps because he was my first doctor. But dreamboat David Tenant has taken his place in my nerdy heart. I look forward to seeing his Hamlet on TV.

I lost interest in the show when Slyvester McCoy took over. Nothing against McCoy who is a fine actor--I recently saw him play the fool opposite Sir Ian McKellen's King Lear at BAM. The scripts lacked tension and the whole series seemed tired. There was an attempt to bring it back with a pretty lame TV movie which I couldn't even watch all the way through. Then Russel T. Davis rejuvenated the series several years later and here we are.

Beck Speaks for God Now

I hope Glenn Beck has finally gone too far. But I fear he'll just dial it back a bit and keep his show with its seed and gold advertisers. This guy is like a cockroach, you just can't kill the bastard. I am speaking, of course, about his call for all Christians to leave their church if the words "social justice" are mentioned on the church website. Glenda claims this is code for Communism or Nazism--and they're basically the same thing, right? Do you believe this, America? And if you do, I've got a some loan derivatives, a bridge and some swamp land to sell you. I recall that Joe McCarthy finally crossed a line when he accused Eisenhower's church of being filled with commies. That tore it!

Christian bloggers and media figures began voicing their protests and some even called for a boycott by Christians of Beck's shows on TV and radio. The next day Beck amended his statements--just as he did with the climate change thing--saying he was talking about churches which were for big government programs to help the poor.

It's all so offensive and meaningless. He attacks the very core of Christian faith and Christ's teachings--that you should help those less fortunate than yourself, not be primarily concerned with material wealth, and work to stop the defects in society which make people poor--and then backs away and none of his zombie followers are outraged.

My feeling is charity and compassion are the only things organized religion are good for. I think a lot of religion is about fear of death--one of Beck's biggest bargaining chips for viewers and their money. The selling point of most churches is: If you go to my church every Sunday and drop a few bills in the collection plate, you'll go to heaven, float on a cloud, and play a harp all day. The really imporant thing is to be kind to others while you're alive and I don't think you should be forced into it by the threat of hellfire. You should because it's the right thing to do. I hate the idea that if you don't have Christian values then you have no moral values at all because God the policeman is not there to keep you in line.

But back to Beck, his whole message is--I overcame my alcoholism and crawled out of the dungheap to become this raving success, so you should never lend a hand to anyone who's in trouble. You should be afraid that Obama and the commies and the lefties are going to take away every penny you've spent your life earning and give it to lazy undeserving black and Hispanic people. And you'd better be ready for the Apocalypse because it's coming any minute, so buy up these seeds and gold my advertisers are selling you.

What sort of church does Beck want? One where you worship at the altar of the almighty dollar, keep out those who are different, and praise the mighty bomb which protects us all--kind of like the one in Beneath the Planet of the Apes where the mutated humans including Victor Buono worshipped in the subway system. At least that would be somewhat entertaining.

Project Runway--Season 7--Episode 8--Big Bowl o' Hair

I thought my DVR was going to record this week's Project Runway from the beginning but for some reason it didn't. So when I came home at about 10:30PM after a hard night of reviewing plays like Jennifer Jason Leigh in Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle, I was looking forward to watching the show from the top. When I discovered it wasn't recording I thought, OK, I'll watch the runway show now and catch up with the repeat at 11:30. As a result, I was totally unprepared for Amy's horrifying big-bowl-of-hair. It scared me out of three years' growth. The model turned the corner and I said "What the fuck is that? It looks like she's balancing a bowl of hair on her breasts. Why doesn't she throw in some chips and pretzels and make herself useful by serving them to the judges?"

Amy described her objective as "controlled chaos." Well, she got the second part right. She screwed up last week too, so I don't know why she stayed. Her work was far worse than Ben's shark suit. But I guess the judges are thinking out-of-box crazy shit beats out ho-hum bad stitching. Jay's twister-sister look from the tornado ballet in The Wiz induced jaw-dropping stares from the judges, but he couldn't be eliminated. Mila couldn't color-block the pain and got a tongue lashing from Nina. Jonathan's laughter in the air dream was reminscent of his toilet paper in a windstorm, but this time it worked, plus Irish Carrie looked beautiful. Seth Aaron's leather outfit was fierce, but what was the extra piece on her ass? Nina was really hard on Maya and that French guy seemed like he was a little too relaxed, maybe he was drunk and could have used some peanuts and pretzels from hair-bowl girl.

After the runway show, I caught up with the first half during the repeat. This would have tipped me off that Ben would have been on his way to the gallows because he was talking with his boyfriend, or husband since they got married, on that little keyboard-iphone doohickey--always the kiss of death. BTW, why does Ben always look like he's on his way to Rawhide (a leather bar for you non-New Yorkers) and do the contestants all get those cute little phone things? What's her name who cried all the time had one too.

Ben and Jonathan had a really interesting talk about being safe and staying in the middle. You'll recall I spoke about this very topic in my blog last week and that the middle pack would have have to drop out or rise to the top. Ben did the former and Jonathan the latter.

And how many times did they mention Garnier? I should keep track of the product placements.

Oscarcasts Past

This year was the first Oscar show in a while where I've actually been home. Last year we were in Rincon in Puerto Rico on the big night. The American family who were renting the house next door--I think they were from Boston--were all leaving the next day so they were having a big-ass loud farewell party. Long after the Oscars were over and the Slumdog Millionaire people had all flown back to India, these bastards were still partying hardy. My partner and I did not get to sleep till just before the local guy who lived across the street woke up to go to work and his roosters started crowing. If you are reading this, you sons of bitches, thanks a lot.

The year before in 2008, we were in Cancun at a Palace resort. The entire broadcast was dubbed in Spanish except for Javier Bardem's acceptance speech for No Country for Old Men. They had two local celebrities offer commentary while sitting in front of a movie theatre in Mexico City. These two would occasionally cut away to a Mexican lady correspondent was actually there at the Oscars, standing with the parking valets!

Before I met my partner I would run the office Oscar pool and hang out in bars to watch the show. Then I would mark the ballots like a teacher grading papers. I would sometimes be accused of cheating because I won sometimes. But to insure impartiality, I would give my ballot to a friend who would be at another party and have them grade mine. Everytime I won, people in the office would yell "The fix is in" the morning after the Oscars. The pot would sometimes get up to $150 so we are talking serious money. After a few years, it got to be too much trouble.

The Amazing Race 16-- Episode 4--The Fix Is in in Hamburg

Not only have they cut the budget on TAR, but they've also put the fix in to keep Team Big Brother and Team Such As on for as long as possible. They've made all the tasks super-easy as Joel McHale on The Soup and several anti-Jeff and Jordan bloggers have pointed out. This week all the teams had to do was bungy-jump, eat a small plate of sauerkraut before a five-minute song ended, drink some beer, and find a bar in the middle of some strip clubs. If you will recall previous eating challenges included consuming an entire HUGE bowl of caviar, an omelet made from ostrich eggs, and that Hungarian soup that made more than one racer sick. A little plate of sauerkraut was nothing.

To get to the particulars of this episode--I am probably the only person in America who watched the first half-hour instead of the Red Carpet arrivals at the Oscars, then switched to the Oscars at 8:30 EST, and caught up with the final half-hour on Monday night.

There were several pluses to this leg despite the disappointing finish. There was no time spent at the airport. I find watching teams standing in line and getting tickets so exciting--NOT! And those close-ups of the tickets being printed--such drama! This time they went right from Jet and Cord opening their envelope to everyone getting on a plane for Europe. I marvel at how no one seemed to be jet-lagged after what had to at least a 12-hour flight from Bariloche, with some layovers in Buenos Aires and San Paolo. Incidentally how did the direct flight which carried Team Lesbian and gay/straight brothers manage to fall behind the flight with the cowboys and the cops which had a layover in Buenos Aires?

The intersection idea was a good one. They did have something similar on the race with Mary and Dave where teams had to team together to deliver bedding--was it in India? Anyway, I thought it was weird when Heidi said she and hubby overlord and the father-daughter team all came from good families and therefore got along. Huh? What does that mean--good families? Does she mean if somebody had gotten a divorce or didn't go to tailgate parties, they wouldn't bungee jump as good? Anyway, I loved it when Caite and Jordan teamed up and got lost on the subway. I guess they couldn't figure out that the train usually has the name of the last station it's going to on the front and that's how you tell which direction it's going in.

Brent proved himself to be a real wuss, not being able to kick a soccer ball or hold his beer. I could see it if he had done the bungee jump and/or ate the sauerkraut, but he did neither. So this guy can't drive a car, read a map, kick a soccer ball, is scared of heights and can't drink a boot of beer. The cowboys proved they're pretty adaptable by kicking their soccer balls quickly even though they'd never played soccer before (I guess it's considered too European and sissyfied in Oklahoma) But then they wussed out at the beer challenge and let Joe-and-Heidi-from-the good-family kick their asses at chugging brewskis.

Jeff and Jordan made one stupid mistake after another, they couldn't even eat that little plate of sauerkraut. But I can't stay mad at them, they've kinda grown on me. I guess it's cause they're never mean or arrogant like some past teams. Stupid and arrogant are a lethal combination. And they openly admit how dumb they are. "We are so stupid," Jeff keeps saying. I'd rather see them stay rather than Team Such As. So of course they come in last and it's a non-elimination which leads me--and my friend Lydia--to think it's a fix to keep them on as long as possible.

I liked it better when you came in last and were not eliminated, they took all your money, your clothes and all your possessions. Now all you have to do is some lame-ass Speed Bump like taking a pot of tea across the street and serving it some old guy or finding a bar and drinking a shot of vodka or sitting in a sauna. It's rigged to keep the stupid people on. The previews say there will be both a speed bump and a U-Turn in the next episode. Also they have to dress up in WWI outfits which I hope doesn't mean they get stuck in Germany for another episode. Maybe it's France.

Summary:
Day 5--Leave ranch at 10:57 PM, getting to airport at Bariloche, waiting 11 hours til planes leave

Day 6--Flights leave Bariloche at about 11:10 AM

Day 7--Flights arrive in Frankfurt from 2:35-3:40 PM the following day. Train to Hamburg, getting there early evening. Bungee jump intersection challenge, soccer or sauerkraut, drink a boot of beer at the shark bar, find Indra in red light district.

Leaderboard:
Jet and Cord--two wins; Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Jeff and Jordan--one win; Loot: trip to Vancouver
Louie and Michael--one win; Loot: two Discover cards worth $5,000 each

Scenes from the Life of an Amateur Comic Book Collector (14)--Lois Lane Fights the Death Penalty

The most recent comic haul (see earlier post) has yielded a fascinating insight into the mindset of the comic-book industry. Evidently it was quite liberal. In Lois Lane #44, published in 1963, the first story "The Murder of Lana Lang," features Lois being sent to the gas chamber for killing her red-haired rival for Superman's affections, Lana Lang. But it turns out the whole scheme is a stunt cooked up by Lois and Lana to prove the death penalty is cruel and unusual and an innocent person could be sent to their maker because of circumstantial evidence. Lois pretends to fight with Lana then takes her to a desserted island and leaves clues pointing to Lois as the culprit in Lana's supposed demise. Lana will return at the last minute and prove she hasn't been killed and Lois would have been executed for a crime she didn't commit.

But Lana runs into a storm at sea and is knocked unconscious. Lori the mermaid rescues her and Superman manages to straighten everything out. The governor pushes for an end to the death penalty. But strangely, Lois and Lana are not persecuted for attempting to pull over a balloon-boy-type hoax.

An other interesting comic is Prez: First Teen President, a short lived series from the early 1970s in response to the voting age being lowered to 18. In this four-issue series, not only is the voting age lowered but so is the eligibility for president and members of Congress, flooding in an 18-year-old named Prez for President. He appoints his mother as his secretary and an Indian companion named Eagle Free as head of the FBI. Kooky, huh?

In a prescient plot in Prez number 3, a rag-tag army of isolationists not unlike the current Tea Party movement attempts to assassinate the Prez when he pushes for a law banning all hand guns! The rebel army pays its men with phony confederate-like money and their camp is called--wait for it--Valley Forgery. (Knew you'd love that one!) This was in 1972 and that gun-control issue is still with us. The Tea Party-like army, lead by a descendent of George Washington advances on the capital. The forces clash right outside of the White House. Prez proposes he and the leader of the insurrectionist fight hand to hand to decide the outcome. The Washington descendant cheats and substitutes a huge wrestler-type for himself, but the Prez has been trained in Indian combat by Eagle Free and he bests the big bruiser who turns out to be agovernment counterspy. BTW, I bet none of the Tea Party people actually drink tea, they probably think it's all sissy and elitist. Coffee is good enough for them.

And speaking of sissy stuff, one of the newly purchased comics contained a one-page public service announcement called Touchdown for Picasso. In many comics, there would be the equivalent of PSAs offering advice on the right way to study, how to behave on a bus, not dropping out, starting a hobby, having a productive summer rather than just goofing off and reading comics, etc. This one features two kids after school. One says to the other "Hey, my parents have an extra ticket to a Beethoven concert tonight. Wanna go?" Rather than pounding the little poindexter to a pulp, his companion simply says "That's sissy stuff. I wanna be a football player." The miniature barbarian later learns his football hero is not only a classical music lover, but also an amateur painter (horrors!) I doubt this little vignette resulted in an increase in concert attendance among the small fry, but it may have shown an uptick in tolerance for those of us who enjoyed movies like "Gay Purree." That picture deserves an entire column of its own. You could see it as a litmus test for future gayness. Show it to a kid and if he asked "Where can I get the original soundtrack?" you could measure him for his interior-decorator sash right then and there.

Project Runway Season 7: Episode 7: Slutty Stripper Outfit Beats Jiffy-Pop Skirt

I thought for sure Emilio was going to buy the farm this week because he had sooo much screen time. There was that long explanation of how he didn't have enough cord and washers for his mini-skirt, which would have looked like a curtain in a gypsy's house except not as shiny. Or maybe Jay because starting with a garbage bag is always a bad sign if you'll recall from past seasons. I think Stella (the Leatha Queen from season 4, or was it 3?) used garbage bags on her very first challenge and almost got eliminated right out of the gate. But Jay managed to pull it off and made something pretty. The blue piping was a nice touch.

It looked bad for everyone, particularly when Jonathan predicted "You ten have the worst scores." And speaking of the number 10, what was all that shit about being in the top ten at the top of the episode? They never did that before. Did they want to refresh our memories as to how many contestants there were because they skipped a week? They still haven't explained why they were pre-empted last week. Was it fear of competing with the Olympics? And why did Ben wear pink shorts this week?

I also loved it when Tim said , "Alright designers, this....is....it!" just before they had to go down to the runway as if he knew disaster awaited them all. I laughed at that cymbals-crashing sound before each model made her entrance. It was like a cartoon scene and everyone looked like they had stepped out of a bad musical version of "Metropolis."

Jesse's outfit was indeed bizaarely awful. In addition to the epithets thrown by the judges--giant Hershey's kiss, dirty vacuum bag, ballerina in tin foil--I will add my own: Jiffy-pop popcorn bag. Maya's key necklace was indeed stylish and striking but what was that Spiderwoman web-net jacket? She looked like a villainess in a comic book, not even a Marvel comic book, but a Charleton or Dell or Gold Key comic book (For you non-geeks, those are real cheap comics.)

Emilio's bikini was really slutty and cheesey. He was sweating bullets when he was trying to talk his way out of it. I couldn't believe Nina actually said "It wasn't that bad." Oh come on, Nina, it was right out of the Badda Bing Club on the Sopranos. They really should have eliminated Emilio and not Jesse. I suspect the reason was that Emilio is the stronger designer plus they kept the pretty white straight boy too long last season and didn't want to make the same mistake.

Did you see Milla's face when she didn't win? She was pissed even though Heidi paid her a big compliment by saying it was another fine job.

With the numbers getting smaller the middle crowd (Jonathan, Ben, sometimes Seth Aaron) is going to get pushed up or to the bottom. Anthony is hanging by a thread--wasn't that hiliarous when he just shut up and walked off when he was told he was safe? He probably said to himself "Girl, you better not say a word cause your ass is just lucky to be still alive." I think Milla, Maya, and Amy may be the final three. Jay might squeak in.