Memories of a TV Childhood--Part 2--TV to Make You Gay

Here are some TV episodes from my childhood that convinced me I was gay:

1. Dave Draper on "The Beverly Hillbillies." Mr. Drysdale sees Ellie Mae is being courted by movie star Dash Riprock who is backed by another banker. Fearing the Clampetts will withdraw their fortune from his bank, Clampett hires Dave Draper, Mr. Universe, to woo Ellie and to keep her millions with Drysdale. But instead of being impressed with his massive muscles (which he flexes to the tune of Popeye the Sailor Man), the family thinks he's suffering from some rare disease that causes his body to be "puffed up."

2. Dave Draper on "The Monkees." The popular Draper appears on this silly sitcom as a rival for Mickey. He muscles in on Mickey's territory with a girl on the beach. But it's all a trick to get my sister's favorite Monkee and future star of Aida on Broadway to join an evil cultish gym.

3. That "monkey" episode on "Bewitched." This is the episode where Endora transforms a monkey into a sexy male model who becomes the face of a MacMahon and Tate advertising campaign for Brawn cologne. Previous to this transformation, another ad guy (other than Darren who is strangely missing from this episode) ushers three men in long capes into Larry Tate's office where the female head of the cologne company is conferring. The trio whip off their capes and display their fabulous physiques, flexing their pecs. "It's remarkable how they get those things to pop," the vampirish lady executive coolly says while licking her lips. Larry Tate just looks astonished and embarassed.

4. The 1971 Tony Awards--need I say more? This was the 25th anniversary of the Tonys and they did numbers from every winning musical of the past quarter century. I remember I had to go to bed at about 1954, but I caught up with the whole show later in life.

5. The entire Batman series--not just for the superhero antics of Adam West and Burt Ward but also for the outlandish campy villains.

6. Much Ado About Nothing from early 1970s with Sam Waterston and Kathleen Widdoes. This Joe Papp production of Shakespeare's comedy was adapted by CBS and presented on a Saturday night. We were supposed to go to my grandparents for a family party. My parents brought a TV set for me to watch it upstairs (my grandparents had only one set which was downstairs where the party was being held.) OK, maybe this just proves I loved Shakespeare and the theatre, which are not necessarily gay attributes, but it did show I was "sensitive."

7. Upstairs, Downstairs. British, class, soap opera. I remember being one of the few kids to watch PBS in prime time.