The Amazing Race 16--Episode 11 and Finale

It's been weeks since TAR 16 ended and even longer since I've written a blog on that show, or anything else for that matter. BTW, I know tonight is the last episode of Lost and I could give less than a flying fig as Dorothy said on that episode of the Golden Girls when she was waiting for a call from her married lover played by Jerry Orbach. For the past two months I have been rushing from one show to another and from one award event to the next. When the Broadway season ends, everyone gives out endless awards. Tonight is the latest of these, the Drama Desk Awards and I will be taking a train from upstate to the city to attend. I will write more about that in the next blog, but for now I fell compelled to wrap up my reactions to the latest Amazing Race.

Episode 11 began in Shanghai where the cheapskate producers confided the racers to the same city as the previous leg rather than have them fly to another city. The idea was basically for the four teams to battle it out for the final three slots. Team Such As actually stepped up their game and did an excellent job. Caite mastered her counting skills and they lucked out with a good cab driver while the gay-straight brothers had the worst one on the whole race--though it was kind of ridic of Dan to think they would find an English-speaking driver in China. As Mrs. Gibbs said in Our Town, there are people in the world who don't talk in English and don't even want to. The Undercover Cops had the extremely difficult Speed Bump of tossing coins into the mouth of an idol. Why don't they just call it the Millisecond Delay and be more accurate! I am sick of these ultra-easy speed bumps. In fact, this whole race has been like the dumbed-down version. (More on that in the next episode) So I have to give credit to Team Such As. I admit it, they are not as dumb as they look.

But in the final episode all their hard work was for naught. With the cops gone, it was pretty much anybody's game. But Dan and Jordan totally turned it up a notch. Their strategy was to be meek little twinks, not be a threat, and just get to the final three. Then push everyone out of the way and cross the finish line. I wouldn't have butted ahead of the cowboys at the Shanghai airport, but Jordan knew there would be nothing the cowboys could do about it since hitting another team is grounds for expulsion. On the flight to San Francisco, they sneaked into first class. In previous episodes, it was revealed teams are not allowed to fly in anything other than tourist. But I guess the technicality is that Dan and Jordan bought their tickets in economy and where they actually sit doesn't matter (????)

I think the gay-straight brothers really wanted to win badly and it showed in their determination in the final leg. The claws were out and they didn't care who got scratched. Team Such As reverted to whiny adolescents when they drew a bad cabbie ("Oh this is so unfair!") and were basically out of the running as soon as they got off the plane. That left the cowboys and the brothers and the latter were just hungrier than Jet and Cord. The final memory challenge had to be the easiest ever. Remember when they had to get the flags of the countries they visited in order? That was HARD. And the one with the various items from the challenges having to weight exactly the right amount? This time all they had to do was remember who got eliminated in which leg.

The finish line finale was totally ruined for me with the bitch fight between Caite and Brandy (or was it Carol?) That has NEVER happened before on an Amazing Race finale when a THIRD-PLACE finisher has an argument with a losing rival. It was obviously for ratings since Caite is pretty and popular. It was awful and embarassing and took away the spotlight from the winners--Dan and Jordan. It's their triumph, their moment in the sun should not be eclipsed by a stupid grudge match. Brandy made an absolute fool of herself. She should have just said, "It's over. You got to the Uturn first, it's a game and you did want you had to do to get ahead." Plus they got a quote from ANOTHER loser--the Big Brother guy Jeff. Who cares what he thinks? He lost...BIG TIME!!! Again it was for ratings. Lots of people watch Big Brother so they needed to give that team some airtime beyond cheering on the winners. I thought Emmy winning Amazing Race was better than that. And BTW, screw you Donald Trump with your sour-grapes over losing the Emmy every time. Get over it.

Overall, this was an exciting season and the best part was that a single team did not dominate. Last season that blonde couple came in first something like seven times. It was pretty clear they would win the big prize. This time the cowboys and the police won the most, but they made plenty of mistakes too. So it could have been anybody and it was great that an underdog team like Dan and Jordan surged ahead at the end.

Day 18--Still in Shanghai, find bridge, count statues, find stamp, really hard stuff

Day 19--fly to San Francisco

Day 20--final leg

Dan and Jordan--BIG WINNERS, $1,000,000 plus one previous win, loot: two motorbikes
Jet and Cord--four wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia, trip to Maui, trip to Alaska
Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Branden and Caite--one win, Loot: trip to Spain
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver
Steve and Allie--one win, Loot: $7,000 each, relaxing dinner and massage on the beach and "all the 7-Up they can drink"

The Amazing Race 16 -- Episode 10--Shanghaied by the Double Roadblock

Note: April and early May have been extrememly busy what will all the Broadway shows opening just before the Tonys, two bomb scares in Times Square, Lynn Redgrave passing, and attending all the award nominations announcements and events. I wrote this blog on Episode 10 of the Amazing Race 16 weeks ago and thought I would get back to it sooner. Anyway, here it is for all two of you who care and I will catch up with last week's episode and the finale in the next blog.

We are nearing the end of Season 16 of the Amazing Race and it's anyone's game. I like this season because there is no one team dominating the whole time like that brother and sister of two seasons back or that blonde couple last season. The remaining four teams are where they are just as much because of luck as skill. The cowboys seem to have the advantage with four wins, but they have slipped back at times because of not reading the clues carefully. In this sense Carol and Brandy were right when they said Team Such As were stupid for U-turning them because of one off-hand comment about tiaras. (BTW, I think I mixed up Carol and Brandy in the last blog, whoever is the brunette with the short hair is the whiny one, the blonde isn't so bad.) Team Such As should have U-turned the cowboys because they were a bigger threat. The detectives were right to U-turn Joe and Heidi back in France because they were obnoxious AND a threat.

So the playing field is pretty level. Dan and Jordan leave at 4:47 PM--it must be Day 17 because they were in Singapore at Day 16 and they are going to give them at least a full day to rest. I think that 12-hour rest period idea is gone with the wind. The next destination is Shanghai which is at least several hours away. Everyone eats at the MacDonald's at the Singapore airport. I'll bet Brett and Caite picked it out. They are all in Shanghai at 6:10AM of Day 18. This was fun because it's one of the cities I've actually been to. Shanghai was extremely crowded and full of colonial archeticture when I was there in the early 1990s. It was part of a package tour which included Peking, Xian, and Suzhou.I got sick for a day but I was well enough to visit the Shanghai circus.

The four teams endured the first-ever double roadblock episode with Jordan crying like a baby because his noodles wouldn't straighten out properly. Then they raced by to the glamorous Shanghai fashion district for a Project Runway style challenge and a lot of jokes at Jordan's expense. Everyone assumed the gay guy would be able to match the outfits in a breeze, but they all did pretty well. The hang-up was at the football stadium and putting together that puzzle. I know it was a non-elimination because Phil didn't say "You are in the final three for the one million dollars." So the detectives are still in it since they came in way behind everyone else. It was so much better when they took all your posessions and money, that was a real challenge, not just taking some tea to an old guy. I reall want Caite and Brent out but I have a bad feeling the brothers will go. But maybe not. The promo showed Dan having a meltdown because of a slow cab driver, which means it doesn't always turn out the way it appears in the promo. I will have to catch up with episode 11 before the big finale on Mother's day.

Day 17--leave Singapore, flight for Shanghai leaves after midnight.

Day 18--arrive Shanghai, taxi to Zhujiajhao, noodle roadblock, back to Shanghai, fashion challenge, puzzle roadblock at football stadium

Jet and Cord--four wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia, trip to Maui, trip to Alaska
Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Dan and Jordan--one win, Loot: two motorbikes
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver
Steve and Allie--one win, Loot: $7,000 each, relaxing dinner and massage on the beach and "all the 7-Up they can drink"

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 9--Hate Is All Around, No Need to Waste It

Now I hate Team Such As AND Carol and Brandy AND the Daddy Wolves/Undercover Guys. Well, not Brandy, but Carol needs to get a life. I love Dan and Jordan like I've loved very few TAR teams and I still love the cowboys. I hated Team Such As from the beginning, but did they have to go on and on about U-Turning the lesbians. Then Carol would just not shut up about how stupid Brent and Caite are. OK, I still think they're dumb as a pile of wet leaves too, but they smoked your asses, ladies. Carol really lost it for me entirely when she couldn't conceive why Team Such As would U-Turn them and then failed to show an ounce of prespective after being eliminated. Most teams talk about how much they enjoyed the race and each other and how they got to see so many many incredible places and people here on God's earth, but these two just bitched till the bitter end.

I now hate Michael and Louis because they were gonna steal Carol and Brandy's cab (Michael to Singapore cabbie: "They are mean, they'll be mean to you." Meaning what? They won't tip him?) Plus they're using Brent and Caite to get rid of Carol and Brandy. I think they couldn't use the U turn again because they had already U Turned the King of Siam and his vassal Tuptim, otherwise known as Joe and Heidi. I pray the cops have to do something really nasty to their wolf cubs on the next leg. Okay, hate's a strong word. I don't like that they act all friendly and decent when they'd stab any other team in the back to get ahead.

The two "nice" teams left are the two sets of brothers. I loved what Dan and Jordan said about not elbowing anyone else and just concentrating on running the race their own way. They proved that by coming from last place in the previous episode, getting to the clue first in Singapore and taking advantage of the fast forward. (Remember when every leg of the race had a fast forward? I think this was the only leg that had both a fast forward and a U Turn.) Jordan overcame his fear of heights on that giant ferris wheel which reminded me of the London Eye.

Other observations: The cowboys are always wearing those tight jeans and thick T-shirts. Didn't they pack any shorts so they wouldn't sweat so much in the tropical climates? I've been to Bangkok and, man, is it hot there.

Nice that they used the host of The Amazing Race Asia for a cameo, but it would have been interesting to see clips from that show. Maybe on the CBS website?

Now I have to wait two weeks because of the stupid Country Music Awards pre-empting the next episode. I wonder how much they paid Jet and Cord to do the promo? We're up to episode nine and they are only four teams left. CBS better not be cutting back on the number of episodes along with the plane trips. There are supposed to be 12 segments; that leaves three more. How is this gonna work? A two-parter? One more non-elimination? Everybody pray Team Such As gets the boot, they must not prove stupidity wins the day. Sarah Palin has already done enough damage in that department.

Day 15--Bus from Penang to Kuala Lumpur, to train for Singapore which doesn't leave until 9:30 PM.

Day 16--Arrive in Singapore, Dan and Jordan do fast-forward, other teams ice cream or drums, count chains, zip-line

Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Jet and Cord--three wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia, trip to Maui
Dan and Jordan--one win, Loot: two motorbikes
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver
Steve and Allie--one win, Loot: $7,000 each, relaxing dinner and massage on the beach and "all the 7-Up they can drink"

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 8--Whack Jobs Unite

Freaky alliances were formed this week and top exchanged places with bottom--but enough about Madonna's bedroom habits, this is about the Amazing Race. The detectives have bonded with Team Such As and the results are weirding me out. Michael and Louie actually stated they thought Brent and Caite were good kids and the type of young people you would like to have for a son and daughter. EWWW! I guess the Rhode Island undercover guys would rather have their children pretty than smart, or even above Neanderthal. Actually, now that I think about it Brent isn't even that good looking. So he's ugly, scared of heights, can't speak the king's English, read a map, or drive a shift. The perfect son.

Caite added to the horror by calling their new best buds the Daddy Cops. Double EWW! Soounds like an act for a club for the National Republican Committee to bring new members.

All this was revealed in between hating on the lesbians and saying how much they wanted to beat them. Jeez, I think all Carol said was something about tiaras and they get all batshit. This after Michael and Louie say how respectful Team Such As is. Why aren't those idiots basking in the sun at Elimination Station?

Anyway, this week it was hard to tell how long the rest period was since they didn't reveal the exact amount of time after that shameless promotion for 7-UP. Team no. 1 Steve and Allie opened the first clue at 7:22 PM, but they couldn't have finished the previous leg that early in the morning (7:22 AM). So I'm guessing it's 7:22PM the next day so the father and daughter had enough time to drink all that free 7 Up, but not enough time to hitch a boat back to that turtle farm and pick up their backpacks. Everyone was on the same ferry to the airport at 2 AM, followed by a 21 hour flight via Dubai to Penang, Malaysia, putting us into Day 14 by the time they start the new leg proper.

Jet and Cord soared to the front by being the only ones to choose the flag balancing rather than hauling the giant incense sticks. Since they came in last the previous leg, they had to perform a speed bump. Once again the speed bump involved the supremely difficult task of pouring a cup of tea and serving it to some old guy. I think the poker chicks had to do the same thing in Tokyo. Then everyone had the even harder task of smashing coconuts and building a little arty-crafty float. The cowboys ran a perfect race and became the first the go from last place with a speed bump to first place and winning a romantic trip to Hawaii (I loved Cord's face when Phil said the part about romance.)

I think the tasks this season are way too easy. Any jerk can do them. What happened to repelling face-first down a skyscraper, getting hauled through the mud by an ox, or shaving your head?

Steve and Allie had a run of bad luck while Dan and Jordan slipped in by the skin of their teeth. I hate to say it but they are the most likely team to be out next since they're not too swift--letting their excellent cab driver go--and Team Such As are getting help from their daddies (EWWW! It makes me cringe just to write that.) Plus from the previews, it looks like Team Such As is going to U Turn the lesbians next week. Please, please, don't let Team Such As make it to the final three, please.

Day 12--Leave Seychells at 7:22 PM; ferry to airport at 2 AM

Day 13--21 hour flight from Seychelles to Penang, Malaysia via Dubai

Day 14--Roadblock incense hauling or flag balancing; smash coconuts, build cute little arty-crafty thing, give it to guru in the water, find big mansion

Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Jet and Cord--three wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia, trip to Maui
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver
Steve and Allie--one win, Loot: $7,000 each, relaxing dinner and massage on the beach and "all the 7-Up they can drink"

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 7--Case of the Missing Coconut

Boy do I hate Brent and Caite now. I thought we were really rid of them last week, but luck favors the drunk and the stupid. First all six teams have to take the same flight to the Seychelle Islands. Then for once in their stupid lives, Team Such As actually has a thought between them--"Let's try to get seats in the front of the plane." That just shows you, never eat lunch before getting your tickets like the cowboys and the cops did. And how long did it take them to go to the Paris airport? All of a sudden they were magically there. It must have been at least a three or four hour drive. The flight had to be eight or nine hours yet all the teams were miraclously rested.

Another mystery--how did the fruit vendor at the port know that Team Such As, the lesbians, and the cowboys did not have all their coconuts? Did a colleague call him via cell phone and say "Hey, the dumb ones, the guys with the John Wayne hats and the two women who look like Ellen DeGeneris forgot one coconut each"? But Brent and Caite showed their true colors when they found out they had to go back and get said coconut, "WAAAAH! I quit! I don't wanna play anymore! We were in first place! This is so unfair!" I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt before, but unlike the late lamented Jeff and Jordan, these guys aren't even funny when they're dumb--they just dumb!

I wondered about Steve and Allie losing their backpacks. As they raced to the finish line I thought, "Aha! We'll have another Zev and Justin moment. They don't have their passports so they have to go back and find them and then the gay-straight brothers will win." Then Steve goes, "We've got our money and our passports, but no clothes." WHAT? Did they stick their passports and money in their underwear and swim to shore with them? Something fishy is going on here. How did they know to save those items and forget everything else? Are they allowed to go back during the rest period and look for them? It was even weirder when Phil told them their prize--"All the seven-up you can drink!" Ugh! I hate that stuff!

And another thing--How come there was a seven theme running through the episode when there were only six teams? Couldn't Seven-up have counted and done the sponsoring last week? But then French champagne and Seven-Up don't really mix. That is, unless you're Brent and Caite. "It's anonymous. I mean unanimous."

Pluses did include beautiful scenery and since dumb stupid basketball ran overtime--again--I got some of 60 Minutes with Anderson Cutie-Pie Cooper getting into a wet suit.

Day 10--drive from wine country in France to Paris

Day 11--Flight from Paris to Seychelles Islands in the Indian Ocean. It was probably a late afternoon flight and it had to be at least eight or nine hours

Day 12--Arrive Seychelles Islands, helicopter to La Digue, detour with ox or turtles, take boat to another island

Leaderboard
Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Jet and Cord--two wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver
Steve and Allie--one win, Loot: $7,000 each, relaxing dinner and massage on the beach and "all the 7-Up they can drink"

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 6--Cathy Drone?

I love the Amazing Race because you never know who will be on top from week to week. The order totally shuffled and yes the detectives remained on top, but Steve and Allie dropped to third from second, the lesbians moved up to second, and the gay/straight brothers were first for a little while, but they made a bad decision and dropped back down to fifth.

Stupid basketball delayed the episode for 51 minutes--WTF is March Madness anyway?-- plus the health care debate was raging on CNN and CSPAN. Budgeting continues with another car challenge rather than a plane trip and we're in France for the second week. Dan and Jordan displayed their lack of language skills by saying "Cathy Drone?" when a French citizen told them to go to the cathedral. Then Dan goes, "People don't know how to speak good English here." You're in France, genius, they don't have to speak English here! I thought that kind of comment was reserved for Team Big Brother and Team Such As.

Speaking of those two teams, Jeff and Jordan at least admit they're dumber than a bag of hammers. Leaving three hours after the first team, Jordan actually says, "Didn't Joan of Arc get all those animals on a boat?" "That's Noah's Ark," Jeff laughs, "No wonder we're in last place." That was cute and it redeemed them for me. I had this image of Joan of Arc on a boat herding animals on the ark and singing "Two by Two" from that Danny Kaye musical by Richard Rodgers. The other rock-stupid team Brent and Caite dropped in my estimation by arguing with each other, lacking a sense of humor, and --for the third time--screwing up the directions and having to double back.

Brent and Caite continued to self-destruct by quibbling over the champagne roadblock. I would have preferred Jeff and Jordan staying, but I think Team Such As will not last much longer. Other highlights include Jordan-brother (to distinguish him from Big Brother Jordan) squealing like a girl when he had to repel into the wine cellar; and Steve fixing the broken fender with duct tape.

Day 9--Drive from Vache Moulin to Reims for Joan of Arc clue; drive from Reims to Eperny for repel in wine cellar; drive from Eperny to Peirry for detour (three teams drive back to Reims when given wrong directions, then have to drive all the way to Peirry); Pierry to L'orrca.

Leaderboard
Louie and Michael--three wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs, trip to Cancun
Jet and Cord--two wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver

The Amazing Race 16--Episode 5--Dumb Luck Strikes Twice on the Battlefields of France

Sheer dumb idiot luck is what saved Capt. Peter Peachfuzz on the old Rocky and Bullwinkle show and it saved the asses of Team Big Brother and Team Such As this week. I should have known something would keep them from being eliminated and it was Joe's arrogance. While driving on their mobile pit stop Husband Overlord Joe bragged how even with his bum knee he could still beat all the other teams. I thought Wifey Heidi was going to break into "Something Wonderful" from "The King and I" after she spoke of their bond of unconditional love. Sorry, but that should have tipped me off quicker than a Project Runway designer calling a loved one on their I-phone. Louie and Michael had it in for Joe and Heidi and a U-Turn was coming up.

BTW, this is another indication that the budget has been cut--yet another bus ride. But it did save us time during the episode so there was no hanging around an airport or train station.

The fix was definitely in to keep the beautiful but dumb people on the show and I can't really blame the producers. (Just kidding, don't wanna be sued.) The dumb people make better TV than Steve and Allie, the father-daughter team, who are sweet to each other and boring as hell. So they leave from this mystery location St. Menehould in France. Heidi goes "I love driving through the French countryside" and they cut to a shot of nothing but fog.

Team Big Brother leaves a full three hours behind everybody else and they can't even figure out how to navigate a roundabout. They've obviously never driven in New England. Team Such As is not much better. Brent has the dead-eyed look of a soulless zombie like Caite has sucked his soul out during the night. The gay/straight brothers are beginning to get like the gay brothers of last season--bickering over everything. The lesbians--specifically Brandy--are beginning to get to me. Carol's not so bad, but Brandy is just bitching about everything. She began the episode with this bright sunny attitude but it was shot to hell as soon as she found out she had to crawl on the ground. What did you think was gonna happen? Carol was so right in her physical task-vs.-needle in a haystack analogy. The only team that did the Morse Code was screwed. I hope Brandy appreciated that when she saw this episode.

Anyway, the main action of the episode was the battle for the bottom. Joe and Heidi were U-turned and must have spent at least three hours on that Morse code challenge while Team Such As had to bicycle all the way back and get their clue and Team Big Brother had to perform their lame-ass speed bump (Build a fence, what a challenge!) It turns out Brent doesn't know north from south either. I should make a list of his lack of skills. Despite all these obstacles and their sheer brain-deadness, Such As and Big Brother pull ahead of Morse Codeless Joe and Heidi who huddle like whipped dogs in the trenches as Phil has to go to them to deliver the bad news.

I have to admit I would have missed Jeff and Jordan if they were eliminated. Who could resist Jeff's total cluelessness over not finding the clue in the baguette. He reminded me of this octopus I had seen in a nature documentary. The octopus is presented with a bowl with a tasty fish inside. The bowl is corked. It takes the octopus 45 minutes to figure out he has to remove the cork to get to his lunch. Jeff had the same octopus-like blank expression of not realizing his objective is in his hands, all he has to do is take it. Both Jeff-Jordan and Brent-Caite appear exhausted and are now realizing this race is hard work, unlike hanging out in the Big Brother house or smiling and waving during a beauty pageant or tensing your pecs during a photo shoot. The previews shows Brent and Caite cracking under pressure next week, but it will probably be a two-parter or some other ploy to prolong the agony. The champagne-glass tower looks as if they will still be in France for episode six. Another budget saving measure, no doubt.

I predict Such As and Big Brother will not last much longer. Then the lesbians and the brothers will find their constant fighting will be their undoing, leaving the cowboys, the detectives, and the father-daughter team.

Day 7--overnight mobile pit stop from Hamburg to Les Monthairns, France.

Day 8--Drive from Les Monthairns to St. Menehould for bread clue, then to Le Main de Messiges for WWI battlefield challenge, bicycle four miles

Leaderboard
Jet and Cord--two wins, Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Louie and Michael--two wins, Loot: two Discover Cards worth $5,000 each, two 55-inch HD TVs
Jeff and Jordan--one win, Loot: trip to Vancouver

The Amazing Race 16-- Episode 4--The Fix Is in in Hamburg

Not only have they cut the budget on TAR, but they've also put the fix in to keep Team Big Brother and Team Such As on for as long as possible. They've made all the tasks super-easy as Joel McHale on The Soup and several anti-Jeff and Jordan bloggers have pointed out. This week all the teams had to do was bungy-jump, eat a small plate of sauerkraut before a five-minute song ended, drink some beer, and find a bar in the middle of some strip clubs. If you will recall previous eating challenges included consuming an entire HUGE bowl of caviar, an omelet made from ostrich eggs, and that Hungarian soup that made more than one racer sick. A little plate of sauerkraut was nothing.

To get to the particulars of this episode--I am probably the only person in America who watched the first half-hour instead of the Red Carpet arrivals at the Oscars, then switched to the Oscars at 8:30 EST, and caught up with the final half-hour on Monday night.

There were several pluses to this leg despite the disappointing finish. There was no time spent at the airport. I find watching teams standing in line and getting tickets so exciting--NOT! And those close-ups of the tickets being printed--such drama! This time they went right from Jet and Cord opening their envelope to everyone getting on a plane for Europe. I marvel at how no one seemed to be jet-lagged after what had to at least a 12-hour flight from Bariloche, with some layovers in Buenos Aires and San Paolo. Incidentally how did the direct flight which carried Team Lesbian and gay/straight brothers manage to fall behind the flight with the cowboys and the cops which had a layover in Buenos Aires?

The intersection idea was a good one. They did have something similar on the race with Mary and Dave where teams had to team together to deliver bedding--was it in India? Anyway, I thought it was weird when Heidi said she and hubby overlord and the father-daughter team all came from good families and therefore got along. Huh? What does that mean--good families? Does she mean if somebody had gotten a divorce or didn't go to tailgate parties, they wouldn't bungee jump as good? Anyway, I loved it when Caite and Jordan teamed up and got lost on the subway. I guess they couldn't figure out that the train usually has the name of the last station it's going to on the front and that's how you tell which direction it's going in.

Brent proved himself to be a real wuss, not being able to kick a soccer ball or hold his beer. I could see it if he had done the bungee jump and/or ate the sauerkraut, but he did neither. So this guy can't drive a car, read a map, kick a soccer ball, is scared of heights and can't drink a boot of beer. The cowboys proved they're pretty adaptable by kicking their soccer balls quickly even though they'd never played soccer before (I guess it's considered too European and sissyfied in Oklahoma) But then they wussed out at the beer challenge and let Joe-and-Heidi-from-the good-family kick their asses at chugging brewskis.

Jeff and Jordan made one stupid mistake after another, they couldn't even eat that little plate of sauerkraut. But I can't stay mad at them, they've kinda grown on me. I guess it's cause they're never mean or arrogant like some past teams. Stupid and arrogant are a lethal combination. And they openly admit how dumb they are. "We are so stupid," Jeff keeps saying. I'd rather see them stay rather than Team Such As. So of course they come in last and it's a non-elimination which leads me--and my friend Lydia--to think it's a fix to keep them on as long as possible.

I liked it better when you came in last and were not eliminated, they took all your money, your clothes and all your possessions. Now all you have to do is some lame-ass Speed Bump like taking a pot of tea across the street and serving it some old guy or finding a bar and drinking a shot of vodka or sitting in a sauna. It's rigged to keep the stupid people on. The previews say there will be both a speed bump and a U-Turn in the next episode. Also they have to dress up in WWI outfits which I hope doesn't mean they get stuck in Germany for another episode. Maybe it's France.

Summary:
Day 5--Leave ranch at 10:57 PM, getting to airport at Bariloche, waiting 11 hours til planes leave

Day 6--Flights leave Bariloche at about 11:10 AM

Day 7--Flights arrive in Frankfurt from 2:35-3:40 PM the following day. Train to Hamburg, getting there early evening. Bungee jump intersection challenge, soccer or sauerkraut, drink a boot of beer at the shark bar, find Indra in red light district.

Leaderboard:
Jet and Cord--two wins; Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Jeff and Jordan--one win; Loot: trip to Vancouver
Louie and Michael--one win; Loot: two Discover cards worth $5,000 each

The Amazing race 16--Episode 3--Do Cry for Brent and Caite, Argentina

Now I KNOW the budget has been cut because for the second week in a row, the Amazing Racers had to take a bus to their next destination. The cowboys continue to dominate and that's great. I'm also finding I don't absolutely hate Team Such As (Brent and Caite) and Team Big Brother (Jeff and Jordan). I hated Rob and Amber because they were arrogant and sneaky and thought the world owed them a living because they were big stars on Survivor (BTW, I know Rob is back on this new Survivor season, but I have gotten over him and don't even watch it.) These two reality-pretty teams aren't arrogant or nasty like Romber, so I am not broken up each week if they do well.

Caite and Brent paid for their good fortune in the looks department by contracting food poisoning and going to the hospital. While they were on the IVs, the lesbians were grilling the cowboys to find out how they found a quicker bus last leg. The cowboys were all "Oh, I want someone to care about me when they talk to me" and upset the lesbians were not making with the warm fuzzies. Hey, they were just trying to get information, you were under no obligation to tell them anything. Maybe they were confused by the use of the word "enigmatic." But, I don't mean to be mean. The cowboys are showing they're pretty smart and have made up for their mistake with getting the wrong money the first leg.

Once everyone got to Bariloche, it was just a matter of luck at the challenges. Of course Jet and Cord were going to breeze past the lasso task. We also found out that Brent can neither drive a stick or read a map, neither of the gay/straight brothers can drive worth a damn, and that the shorter cop only executed search warrants and never did a grid search--whatever that is. At the choice between finding the buried loot and riding the wooden polo horse, I would have taken the polo horse right away. Anything with a compass is going to screw me up as I found out at camp decades ago.

It's looking like the race will be dominated by the cowboys, Joe and Heidi and the lesbians. The father and daughter surged ahead to second, but I don't see them lasting there. The brothers, the cops, even the reality and pretty people will drop off. Thank god we're finally getting out of South America next week, getting on a plane and heading for Europe for some serious drinking and bungee jumping.

Sidenote: This morning on CBS Sunday Morning, they profiled Blake from Amazing Race 2 who is now a shoe entrepeneur and distributes shoes to improverished countries. Also Joel McHale has been showing more clips on the Soup of this Amazing Race than any other. Maybe it's becuase Jeff and Jordan--specifically Jordan--were so dumb on Big Brother. He said you'd have to be a brain-dead gerbil not to do well on this season.

Day 5--Bus from Puerto Vargas, Chile to Bariloche, Argentina. Arrive around 2:30 PM. Poker with the gnome. Lasso challenge. Wooden polo horse or buried treasure.

Jet and Cord win again (two wins so far). Prize: ten-day trip to Patagonia. But they were just there! Plus it's all earthquake-y now. A friend who lives in Santiago sent some pictures and it looks pretty bad there.

Leaderboard--
Jet and Cord (2 wins) Loot: two sailboats, trip to Patagonia
Jeff and Jordan (1 win) Loot: trip to Vancouver

The Amazaing Race 16--Episode 2--Stuck in Chile

Something tells me they've cut the budget on The Amazing Race--even more than last season--because we're still in the same damn country as episode one and the main means of transportation is a bus! I love that they skipped everyone opening the envelope with the route info and just started with the first-place Big Brother team leaving and then the rest of them just suddenly appearing at the bus station. No wasted time giving us info we already have about the teams and their relationships. If you missed anything, just go to the CBS website.

All the teams were on the same bus from Valpairso to Santiago. Brent and Caite whined about the lesbian couple joking about her tiara. Hey, if you can't take a little teasing, get outta the kitchen (or whatever), you pair of big model-babies. What the women said wasn't so bad. Go back to your photo shoots. When everyone ran to get their tickets for the second bus, the Asian couple held a place for the lesbians and everyone bitched because they got the last four seats. Hey, there is no rule against forming alliances and making deals, so the other teams should just suck it up.

Then some of them got clever--the supposedly dumb ones--the cowboys, the beauty queen and male model and the reality people. They all found a faster bus going through another town to make a connection. But the cowboys discovered the connecting bus was at another terminal. I thanked the Lord when they didn't say anything and prayed again as Team Big Brother and Team Such As all got in taxis for the other terminal and then just missed their bus (Hooray!) Then it got even sweeter when they rushed back to the first terminal and missed the bus there too! Sweet! They had to wait til 1 AM for the next bus. But the victory was bittersweet. They were behind the cowboys, the lesbians, and the Asians, but still ahead of everybody else.

Once everyone got to Puerto Vargas, it looked like Team Grandma would battle it out for last place with Team gay/straight. But the undercover cops' keen powers of observation failed them and they totally missed the location for the last challenge, allowing the brothers to surge ahead and the gay brother to sashay around with the llamas, doing that weird strip dance. Sidenote: Joel McHale pointed out on The Soup that the police guys can't really be undercover anymore because they're on national TV. another interesting sidelight: while waiting for one of the buses, the male half of the Big Brother team actually said he didn't understand how dogs could speak Spanish but not English. Incredible! Right up there with his partner asking for tickets to China when they wanted to go to Chile. Yet these mental giants keep placing high. Unbelievable.

It looks bad for the gay/straight brothers and the cops. The former's lack of stick shift skills and the latter's ironic cluelessness (they're cops and they keep missing stuff and getting lost) is gonna bite them. I don't see them lasting much longer. The cops are so worried about female teams beating them. The way things are falling out, it looks like it'll be the cowboys versus team Big Brother and Team Such As (NOOO!) Go cowboys! I also noticed the two cowpokes don't like to hug.

Day 3--Valpairiso to Santiago; half the teams to Puerto Vargas

Day 4--rest of the teams to Puerto Vargas. Challenge with llamas or candors and roadblock with German refugees, several kicks in the head by cows.

Jet (like James Dean's character in Giant) and Cord finish first. Win a sailboat.

The Amazing Race 16--Season Premiere

The 16th season of Amazing Race started up with an exciting episode and a minor twist. Instead of having all the contestants hop into their cars and drive to the airport, they had to find their way via public transportation--in Los Angeles where everyone drives and no one takes the bus. Ironically the first three teams to arrive had their flight delayed and they all wound up on the same plane with all the other teams.

The gimmick casting this season is a team from Big Brother and the Miss Teen South Carolina who gave the dumbest answer in the history of beauty pageants--"Some people in this country don't have maps, so they couldn't find the Iraq such as South America, etc."--with her model boyfriend (of course). I hate that she spells her name Caite. Is it short for Caitlin or something? Both mentally challenged but beautiful teams did very well this first leg. I pray this doesn't turn into a series where the presumably dumb beauty queen and reality TV winner show they aren't so dumb after all and win the million dollars which they don't really need. I prefer it when "normal, average" contestants win.

So I was disappointed the Big Brother team came in first, but at least I like them better than Miss Geography and her boyfriend who didn't take the fenicular (and didn't even know what it was) and therefore lost 30 minutes, dropping from 2nd place to 7th.

It's too early to tell which teams I like but so far here are my impressions:

Big Brother team--both kinda dumb, but they seem to have a healthy spirit of cheering each other on, so they're not so bad. But I hate it when one reality show contestant wins on another show.

Beauty Queen and Model--I hesitate to judge people before getting to know them and I'm sure they are both nice, but they are too beautiful and already famous, so they don't need this money.

Gay Brother/Straight Brother--Hopefully, they won't descend into the bickering of siblings Sam and Dan from last season which reached epic proportions. It already seemed to be headed in that direction with the fight over the missing paint brush (15 min. penalty). Also the gay brother seems to be a bit of a bitch with his nasty imitation of the beauty queen. OK I admit it, I was doing it too, but I would have said "Hi" to her and asked for fashion tips, then made fun of her behind her back.

Lesbian couple--love them and Brandy's spirit, she overcame her shakes on the highwire challenge and got across. I also loved their Martha Stewart and shopping references which break the stereotypes of lesbians being all about plaid shirts and truck driving.

Cowboys--cute as hell and also humble. Absolutely no macho bullshit about them which is great. They admitted their mistake about getting Brazilian money instead of Chilean money--possibily the stupidest first-leg error ever--but it only cost them fifteen minutes on the bus to Valpariso and they overcame it to finish 3rd. They do need different clothes. The hats are fine, but they both looked like they were all duded up for the Saturday night hoe-down instead of some tough challenges and got their fancy duds all sweaty. Wait a minute, maybe that's not such a bad idea. The granddaughter had eyes for them. Plus they have their own theme music--you notice that "Big Valley" soundtrack whenever they came on?

Grandma and Granddaughter--great spirit. Nanna's age probably won't hold them back and hopefully they will last a while.

Team Undercover--as soon as they said "I don't wanna be cocky, but I see us winning every leg," I knew they would be in trouble. I loved it when they found out they were in 9th place. Like the cowboys, they don't seem to have any macho attitude, so I will give them a chance.

Lawyer/moms--again great positive energy and they don't take themselves and the race too seriously.

The rest sort of blended together--the father/daughter, the married couple with the husband making a big deal of being the boss--sign of trouble ahead--and the highschool sweethearts (eliminated)

Valpairso looked beautiful. South America is the one contintent I have never visited. I would love to see it.

Day 1--Los Angeles to Santiago

Day 2--Arrive Santiago--bus to Valpairso

Big Brother team wins a trip to Vancouver.

The Amazing Race Episode 10--A Kafka-esque Experience

Once again, ignornace of world literature trips up players on the Amazing Race. Big Easy obviously did not read Kafka in college or he would have remembered that Franz was the guy's first name and he was from Prague. Just like last season, when only Victor recalled Chekhov was the name of a Russian playwright and was able to spell his name.


The more serious question is was Sam (or was it Dan?) wrong in not giving Big Easy the answer after agreeing to work with him? He was right not to help since it worked in knocking the Globetrotters out of the game and leaving a weaker team--Brian and Ericka to compete against. But he did say he would work with Big Easy, implying that if he got the right answer, he'd share it. I would not have agreed to work together with Big Easy in the first place since at this late stage of the game every second counts. The brothers are being roundly condemned for stealing Brian and Ericka's cab last week and now not living up to their word, but their strategy is working. However, Chayne was almost as bad when he told Brian and Ericka he'd call them a cab a few weeks ago and never did. I agree with all the Sam and Dan haters who are tired of their bickering and screaming. Dan is a big baby, moaning about how heavy their golem was and continually telling Sam to shut up.

This was one of the better episodes since there was no time wasted at the airport and it was in a city I have visited. I remembers several of the sights including the Charles Bridge and the synagogue. The speed bump for Brian and Ericka looked easy--drinking some absinthe--but then they all seem to be. The poker chicks had to deliver some tea and Pinkie and the Brain had to sit in a sauna.

The suspense was good because it was never entirely clear if the Globetrotters would be eliminated since there was the possibility the broken arm on Sam and Dan's golem could have disqualified them or delivering the booze would have taken too long for Brian and Ericka. I also enjoyed seeing Sam, Dan and Brian shirtless in the deep freeze cabinet. I don't feel too badly for the Globetrotters, they won a trip to Turks and Calcos and some other prizes, plus they must make at least six figures each as professional athletes so they don't really need the $1 million prize.

Chayne and Meghan will probably win--I hate it when one team wins most of the time. Sam and Dan will fight too much and Brian and Ericka aren't as organized and skillful with Ericka always bitching about how everything's so hard.

Day 15--(or so, there's no way of telling if they've had more than one day of rest)--Kafka challenge with ringing telephones and stone-faced bureaucrats which probably none of them got the references to kafka's work, Flight Time and Big Easy give up and take four-hour penalty; Brian and Ericka have boozy speed bump; Cryo-freeze chamber; Golem or beer delivery road block; Cheyne and Meghan win again--two flat-screen TVs. Globetrotters eliminated.

The Amazing Race, Episode 6: Midpoint

I haven't blogged about anything for a while because Jerry and I went to New Orleans for a few days and then my laptop was infected with a nasty virus and I had to call India to get it cured. More on the Big Easy in a separate blog, but I finally caught up with TAR a few days later and was surprised it was not a non-elimination leg. They've only got five teams left and we're only halfway through the whole race.

There were so few teams that it wasn't as exciting. I always prefer it when there are lots of teams competing, but I guess the thinking is they want you to concentrate on a few as they get closer to the finish. It's just that it's only been what seems like a few episodes.

As I hoped, all couples caught up with each other thanks to a late-night flight out of Dubai to Amsterdam. So Megan and Cheyne lost their three-hour advantage. It looks as if the twelve-hour rest period rule is totally abandonded. It was about 12 noon during the day when this leg started and that had to be more than 12 hours since they finished the day before. Maybe they are genuinely concerned about racers' health and are giving them more time to relax.

Once in Amsterdam, Team Zebra really fell behind, first not knowing how to drive the car, then not being able to count the bells, and finally not reading the clue properly and walking in those wooden shoes rather than riding a bicycle. The wife (I forget her name) was constantly nagging and whining "Brian!" It was good to see Megan frustrated at the golf challenge and to see Team Malibu Barbie and Ken come in second to the gay brothers--who finally came out to the others (surprise!) The poker chicks showed some class at the end and admitted they couldn't do either task. Their sneakiness from the first episode came back to bite them in the ass, karma wise, but they accepted defeat gracefully. So it was really suspenseful thanks to editing because we didn't know who was going to finish last--Team Zebra or the Poker Chicks. There were probably hours of difference, but we didn't know that. I thought it was more interesting that stupid Mika being scared of the water slide last week.

Next week will HAVE to be a non-elimination or a two-part leg. I am disappointed that they are starting to rely on challenges from previous seasons with the needle-in-the-haystack thing.

Summary: Day 10: Wait all day at the airport for a midnight flight to Amsterdam. Day 11: Arrive in Amsterdam, count bells at church, dance and eat herring or sport challenge. Sam and Dan win a sand buggy, poker chicks quit. Probably would have not been eliminated if they had stuck it out, but it did look impossible for them to do either task--hitting bell or hitting balls. Only five teams left. Still have to catch up with Project Runway, probably will combine two episodes in one blog. What will I do when both shows are over?

Double Dose of Reality: The Amazing Race Episode 5 and Project Runway Episode 10

Didn't get around to expressing my thoughts about this week's Project Runway until just after The Amazing Race, so I thought I would combine them. Runway is pretty much the same as last week with Logan and Christopher getting saved from elimination while a not-as-pretty designer gets the axe. Nicholas's look was pretty lame, but so were Logan and Christopher's. Irina did deserve to win, it was the most tailored and imaginative of a sorry lot of dresses. But she's such a bitch. I predict either Christopher or Logan MUST go next unless Gordana really loses her confidence. This will be the first time all of the final three will be women.

I've noticed Tim's critiques are getting shorter and shorter, mainly consisting of "You have a lot of work to do." and "Go, go, go." Also did you notice that for Top Chef both Padma and Tom were nominated for a best reality host Emmy, but only Heidi is nominated and not Tim? He is the show for me. Heidi just comes out at the beginning and says same basically the same thing every week. Then makes the judgement and delivers the same lines at the end. I could recite her lines along with her. "As you know in fashion, one day you are in and the next day you're out..."

On Amazing Race, they stayed in same city (Dubai) two episodes in a row. That's annoying. The past few seasons they have been doing that, maybe to save money, but not this early in the race. Also they started out at 8:17 AM. But they finished the last leg much earlier than 8:17 PM. It was early in the afternoon. I guess the twelve-hour rest period rule is out the window or they only use it when it's convenient.

Team Malibu Barbie and Ken had a big advantage of 90 minutes since they won the fast forward last time. That's another thing I don't like about staying in the same city. If a couple has won the fast forward and there's no flight to another city to equalize everybody, chances are excellent they're going to win. Maghan and Cheyne stayed ahead the whole time without any signs of slipping (except for a brief moment at the hookah challenge).

Some of the dynamics have changed with the Annoying Poker Chicks now actually being honest and nice with the Gay Brothers (It's not clear if they still don't know if the boys are gay, evidence: the Baywatch comment with the Poker women drooling over the brothers' physiques). The two teams helped each other out at the gold-counting challenge by sharing information and a calculator.

Was I drunk or are there more commercials than before on this show. I was downloading the episode onto a DVD while I watching it and it seemed the breaks kept getting longer and longer. When we got to the final break, I thought, "Wait a minute, there's only two teams left and they're both at the last challenge. How are they going to stretch this out to fill up the time?" Just then the Chinese food arrived so I haven't reviewed the whole thing, but I got the jist. The last ten minutes was all about the Nashville girl having a breakdown because she was scared of going down the water slide. That was uncool of the Globetrotters to feed into her fears, but her partner didn't handle the situation properly. He should have encouraged her and let her know he loved her no matter what she did, but that she'd feel much better if she faced her fear and conquered it.

It looks like the next stop is in Holland--due to the little commercial about destinations. Hopefully, the rest will catch up with Meghan and Chayne.

Summary: Day 9--stay in Dubai, paddle to yacht, gold or glass, water slide, Meghan and Cheyne win for the second week in a row, win a watercraft each. Mika and Canan eliminated. Time for a non-elimination next week.

The Amazing Race Episode 4: Sand and Snow

It's a good thing I was home Sunday night. Damn stupid football was one hour and 15 minutes overtime. I always DVR Three Rivers right after the Amazing Race just in case it runs over, but I don't DVR Cold Case which follows. I would have missed the final 15 minutes and that would have made me furious.


The timing on this week's episode--once it finally started--also had me confused. In episode three, everybody got into Phnom Pehn sometime in the afternoon, they had left Ho Chi Minh City at about 12:30PM. So they must have finished their tasks by 5 or 6 at the latest. It was still light out. So why did they start episode 4 at 12:30PM? They're supposed to have 12 hours rest, not 24. So that would put them at Day 7. Well, at least they got out of Asia. The teams' first clue was to fly to the Persian Gulf and find the world's tallest building.

Sam and Dan are real cute, but are not the brightest crayons in the box. Last week they couldn't identify Jackie Kennedy, for which they should have turned in their gay cards. But this week took the cake. I can see not knowing where the world's tallest building is, but going up to an airline counter and asking for a ticket to the Persian Gulf is just plain dumb.

We discovered that Brian is way too nice, telling practically everybody where the water in the desert was. He figures karma will pay him back. The annoying poker chicks ran over a spike in the parking lot and ruined their car. But then Sam and Dan stayed with them til a new car arrived. Do they still not know the boys are gay?

It was great to see Lance and Kerry, the Fran Drescher sound-alike with the Boston accent, just wilt in the heat and get lost. It was as if they deflated. All the bragadoccio totally left Lance the lion and he was totally humbled. There was a little piece of asshole left in him when he asked if he could kick the snowman they had to build. "Do you want your clue?," the lady said like a school teacher to a naughty little boy. Excellent! I would have just built the snowman first because finding that tiny snowman in that huge ice mountain would have been pure luck.

Team Malibu Barbie and Ken took the fast forward and came in first, winning a trip to Jamaica. They're kinda boring. I hope they don't win. It's looking like either them or the Globetrotters. I'd rather see Team Zebra or the gay brothers or even Pinkie and the Brain (father and son) take it.

Summary: Day 7: 12:25 PM, leave Phnom Pehn, Cambodia-all teams on the flight to Dubai which stops in Bangkok.

Day 8--5:30 AM Desert challenge to find water, then back into Ski Dubai for snowman challenge. Meghan and Cheyne win trip to Jamaica. Lance and Kerry eliminated. Preview of next week: Team Nashville practically have a meltdown when Nashville girl will not go down steep water slide because of her fear of heights. It looked like he was actually going to push her down. I think that slide is still in Dubai. I remember it from an earlier season. I hope they're not going to be cheap and spend a whole other episode in the same city.

The Amazing Race Episode 3: Tragedy at the Monkey Palace

This week's tasks were ridiculously easy and all the drama was supplied by a tragic mishap costing one team to drop from first place all the way to elimination. Zev and Justin, my favorite team, lost Zev's passport and couldn't not find it in time to stay in the race. This is a new rule or one that has never been enforced before, I guess. The only other team to lose their passports were Toni and Dallas, the mother and hot son of two seasons back. They came in last anyway and couldn't even cheer with the other eliminated teams at the finish line because they were stuck in Russia.

After managing to get on the plane from Ho Chi Minh City to Phnom Penh in Cambodia and avoiding a two-hour gap (unfortunately self-proclaimed lion Lance and Kerry also got on the plane) until the next flight, Zev and Justin soared to the top of the pack, easily finding the hotel with the Jackie Kennedy suite, locating a woman with a matching scarf in the Russian Market and then acting like a monkey for a few minutes. Then they discovered the passport was missing and had to find it before the last team checked in. But it was nowhere to be found.

I checked on the Elimination Station video on the CBS website. The guys went to American embassy and someone had turned in Zev's passport. They had dropped it in the dark when they went into the wrong temple (not shown on the episode).

Oh well, I will miss them and really wanted to see them whip Lance and Kerry's annoying collective ass. It will just be up to the gay brothers Sam and Dan to do so. BTW, since those two came in second, that means they won the leg but we never found out what prize they won.

Other main thought on this episode: Amazing how many of the contestants had no idea that was Jackie Kennedy Onnassis in the photograph.

Day 5--Leave Ho Chi Minh City at 6:53, arrive airport, discover first flight to Phnom Penh is not till 12:20PM the next day. Overnight at the airport.

Day 6--Zev/Justin and Lance/Kerry make it onto first flight. Fly to Phnom Penh, search for hotel, scarf or motorcycle helmet challenge, monkey palace, Zev and Justin finish first, but lose passport. Annoying poker chicks saved by their mistake. Zev and Justin eliminated. Sam and Dan win by default, but we never find out what their prize is.

The Amazing Race Episode 2--Lion or Chicken with Its Head Cut Off

Since the new season of Amazing Race is underway and before we get to the analysis of the second episode, this would be a good place to tell you my true-life Amazing Race story: A few years ago, I took my friend Lydia to see 110 in the Shade with Audra McDonald presented by the Roundabout Theater Company at Studio 54. It was Cinqo de Mayo and a few days before my birthday, so after the show we decided to have some margaritas at Iguana, a Mexican bar-restaurant on the same block as the theatre.

As we were drinking, of course we starting talking about TAR which was going to conclude that Sunday night, it was the All-Star edition. Suddenly across the room I saw a guy who I thought was Ian from Season 3. (The ex-Marine with the wife named Teri who kept yelling at her.) I said to Lydia, "OMG, that's Ian." She said I was drunk and so obsessed with the Race I was seeing things. But then I saw more contestants from past shows including Dave and Mary, the Kentucky coal miner and his wife, and Tom and Terri, the gay couple from the same season, and many others. It turned out they were all there for the All-Stars finale and CBS had flown them in.

We said hi to all of them and they were very nice. The waiters kept coming up to us and saying "Who are these people? Are they famous?" We spoke at length with the guy who wound up winning (I forget his name). If only I'd had a camera. Oh well. Back to the present.

This week's episode was all about humiliating Lance (pictured with his partner Kerry), the beefy and annoying Boston lawyer. At the top of the show he was bragging about how he was a lion and all the other teams are zebras and gazelles who may be faster, but as a lion he would defeat them all because he's so majestic and hunky or something. He then proceeded to demonstrate he's more a chicken with its head cut off than a lion. As the teams were let off in Mito, Vietnam, they had to figure out they needed to get to Ho Chi Minh City which was a two-hour cab ride away. Lance and Kerri didn't even know where they were and thought they were in Ho Chi Minh already. After some yelling and screaming, they got wise and found the clue at the dragon puppet theatre. Then they couldn't figure out the clue was inside the capsule they pulled from the dragon's mouth. They stumbled and panicked all the way to next-to-last place, letting Zev and Justin beat them. I loved when Phil asked if Lance was the most competitive person and the race. He answered he'd wrestle Phil right there. Phil laughed and said no, he could see how strong Lance was. Then Zev spoke up and said "We'll take him on, Phil." I love Zev! Don't let that bully get in your way. You beat him to the mat!

Sooner or later Lance is going to go down. And it is going to be so sweet to watch that giant ego get deflated. Just like Rob and Amber whose 15 minutes of fame ran out a long time age.

I also enjoyed Ron and Marcy who were good sports when they got eliminated. They just made the wrong choice and picked the word challenge which evidently took much longer.

Summary: Day 5: Cei Bai to Mito by boat. Everybody gets first clue at about 5:50 AM. Mito to Ho Chi Minh City by two-hour cab ride. Dragon puppet theatre, Word Play or Child's Play detour, Chop Shop road block. Globetrotters come in first, win trip to Aruba. Ron and Marcy eliminated.