Scenes from the Life of an Amatuer Comic Book Collecter (21)--Supergirl's Lesbian Marriage

That Supergirl is one complex dish. Last time we talked about her intimate relationship with her Superhorse Comet, who is really a centaur. While reading through my recent 600-plus acquisition of comics, I came across another walk on the wild side for the Maid of Might. In Action #357, we learn of "Supergirl's Secret Marriage." While on her way from Stanhope College to visit her parents for the weekend, Supergirl in her secret identity of Linda Lee Danvers is accosted by a brash young man named Joaquin who boldly kisses her and claims to be her spouse. She tells him to go fly a kite, but he counters that he knows she is Supergirl and that she has had a memory lapse due to exposure to red kryptonite. Like an idiot, Linda gets in Joaquin's car and they drive to the home the man claims is theirs.

The ending is really twisted. It turns out Joaquin is a not a man at all, but a woman in disguise. In a flashback she explains that she is from another planet and that Supergirl rescued her and her boyfriend recently. He subsequently fell in love with the Blonde Blockbuster. The alien woman decides to masquerade as a male and take Supergirl off the market, thus sending her former lover back into her arms. Just like in As You Like It, Twelfth Night or Two Gentlemen of Verona.

How did Supergirl discover this sick ruse? When Joaquin kissed her "he" put "his" arms around Supergirl's neck. Supergirl claims that all men put their arms around a woman's waist while a female will place her hands on a boy's neck. Really? Don't you think Supergirl would have realized in some other less subtle way? Like maybe when she found Joaquin trying on her Supergirl costume? Or maybe she would have thought, "Well, maybe he's really an evangelist, like that Ted Haggard?"

This story is so weird on so many levels. Just from a practical point of view, wouldn't the boyfriend fall back in love with Supergirl once he realized his girlfriend was really his rival? To solve the problem of sleeping together, the disguised alien claimed "he" had to sleep in a special bed which give him a dose of radiation necessary for him to live in earth's hostile atmosphere.

The other story (featured on the cover) in that issue follows Superman as he must defeat a motorcycle driving juvenile delinquent with atomic fists. The kid takes over the government with his gang straight out of The Wild One.