John and Abigail Adams in Heaven

A brief sketch based on the fact that Rush Limbaugh's new fourth wife is a direct descendent of John and Abigail Adams.

Scene: Heaven.

Characters: John and Abigail Adams

John: Abby, take a look below, our great-great-great granddaughter Kathryn is marrying some fat lub of lard named Rush Limbaugh.

Abigail: Oh my God! Isn't it bad enough I'm going to have to spend eternity with Barbara Bush because we're the only two women who have been both the mother and the wife of an American president. Now we'll have to share space with that slimeball.

John: Evidently he's addicted to cotton.

Abigail: What? How can you be addicted to cotton?

John: They've made it into some kind of drug now and combined it with some product of oxen. It's called oxycotton and this Rush character is hooked on it but good.

Abigail: Well, John, what can we do? One of our own sons was a drunkard and died penniless.

John: yes, but at least he wasn't a nutjob like this loser.

Abigail: What does Kathryn do anyway?

John: She's a party planner. How can you make a living planning parties? I despise political parties. They are the root of all of America's problems. And this is Rush's fourth marriage. Can you believe that?

Abigail: His fourth? Disgraceful. And doesn't he go on and on about the importance of traditional marriage.

John: They even had Elton John, a known homosexual singing at the wedding.

Abigail: Now, John, homosexuals are alright these days. They call them gay. They can even get married now in Massachusetts.

John: Our own home state? Really? Well, we were always more tolerant than most of the other original colonies. Remember our son John Quincy defended those rebelling slaves on the Amistad and they made that movie of it.

Abigail: The one with that sexy Matthew Maconaughnay? Or however he spells his name? His career has just gone downhill lately. I hear they make the newcomers in hell watch Sahara that he was in.

John: It's a different world I guess. But I can't bare the thought of this hypocritical Rush person sharing the Adams section of heaven. Is there a way to keep him out?

Abigail: We always have Barbara Bush sit on him.